Searching for Meaning with Our Children

What can we teach children about searching for meaning? If you have young children, encourage them to discover their talents and interests. Give them opportunities to try new things. If you have teenagers, be a cheerleader for their interests and their experiments with new endeavors. The goal is to help them discover their gifts and passions. Once they focus on something, help them find how it can be used for others.

A recent article in the Oregonian, “A Surprisingly Simple Route To Happiness,” by Dana Milbank recounted an experiment:

“Cornell psychologist Anthony Burrow, who runs the university’s Purpose and Identity Processes Lab, found that with little effort he was able to bring out a different side of Gen Z.

“Since 2019, Burrow and his researchers have selected about 1,200 college and high school students to receive $400 no-strings “contributions” to use “to pursue what matters most” to them—something that benefits their community, family or even themselves. Before awarding the funds (eligible recipients are selected randomly), he tests applicants based on standard measures of well-being and emotions. Six to eight weeks after awarding the $400—the time during which the recipients have to make their contributions—he again tests those who received the funds and those who didn’t.

“The preliminary results are unambiguous. At the start, both groups typically scored the same on psychological measures. Eight weeks later, those who received the contributions scored significantly higher than the non-recipients on all measures: latent well-being, sense of purpose, sense of belonging, sense of feeling needed and useful, and affective balance (a measure of positive and negative emotions).

“Burrow’s takeaway: ‘Invite people to think about a contribution they want to make and help them (to) make that contribution, and that person may walk around with greater purpose than if they hadn’t done that.’”

Burrow suggests parents ask their kids what contribution they’d most like to make and then talk about how they can get started — with or without financial assistance. He says his research suggests the contribution we make toward fulfilling our purpose needn’t be “a major life-changing allocation of time or energy” but rather “things we can fit into our everyday routines.”

Next in the article, Milbank quoted Psychologist Kendall Cotton Bronk, of Claremont Graduate University, “The real path to happiness is focusing on others, on how you can contribute to others and their well-being. … What we need to be focusing on is contributing in meaningful ways, and often that will lead to the happiness that you’re seeking.”

Bronk believes that parents, too, can use these techniques to develop a sense of purpose in their own kids. Bronk advises parents to reflect on their own purpose in life and share that with their children and then ask them questions about what they want to accomplish and what they’re good at. She offers an online “purpose tool kit” for adolescents. https://www.kendallcottonbronk.com/purpose-toolkits-for-students .

Milbank continues, “The most efficient path to living a contented life may be to put ourselves through the same simple exercise of thinking about our purpose and then taking a step — even a modest one — toward fulfilling it. It’s not a replacement for other mental health interventions, but the surest path to happiness for many of us could be as simple as this: Stop trying to be happy — and start figuring out how to make other people happy.”

She quotes Todd Kashdan, who runs the Well-Being Lab at George Mason University. “The best exercise is to ask yourself what “the world is missing” and then how you uniquely “fill that gap a little bit.” The specific purpose doesn’t matter; it’s just a question of “what lights you up.” Then commit to make a specific regular contribution — particularly time — toward that purpose and assess your progress.”

Recently, I listened to two of my friends talking about their mutual interest in art. One had been encouraged by her parents, the other had not. As parents, I hope we will be remembered as being supportive of our children’s exploration of their passions and talents.

And how about becoming supportive of our own inner child’s talents, particularly if our parents weren’t. Is there something you always wanted to try? There’s no time like the present!

Finding Meaning Beyond Our Fear

Twenty years ago, a priest asked during his sermon, “What would you do for God if you weren’t afraid?” That question prompted me to begin writing these Lenten posts. It was a small step, but I’m so glad I braved my fear. Writing has made my life richer and, I hope, helped some people along the way. So, now I ask, “What would you do for God if you weren’t afraid?” Sadly, fear often holds us back from creating meaning in our lives.

I once studied a book called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, by Susan Jeffers. In fact, in 2015 my Lenten posts were focused on fighting fear. You can still find them on this website www.BettyArrigotti.com by clicking on “Fear” in the right-hand column. God has promised us that love casts out fear, so if fear is holding you back from some worthy venture, love a little harder, and ask God for strength. I’m sure it will result in you finding more meaning in your life.

If fear is holding you back from volunteering, or starting a new learning path, or connecting with that interesting person you met—if your fear isn’t caused by true danger, feel the fear and do it anyway. Yes, you may be bad at what you try. Everyone is at first. Yes, something a little embarrassing may happen, but it will make a great story later as you laugh at yourself. Yes, you might find out you don’t enjoy your new venture, but that just means you are a step closer to discovering something different that you will love!

I have heard from a few people about their experiences as they read these posts and tried to apply bits of them to their lives. One person sent me an example of her art, an interest she developed later in life. She is adding beauty to the world!

Another told me about seeing a family that was asking for money on a street corner. He passed them, then drove around the block and gave them $20. He was particularly touched by how wonderful it made him feel to have helped. Of course, we fear that some people beg in order to get money for drugs or alcohol, but that is between them and God. What the gentleman did was between him and God. And I bet God smiled.

One woman wrote that she will be moving away and needing to find a new job, so she pondered what brings her joy and makes time pass unnoticed. Now she knows just what kind of work she wants to find!

I love hearing feedback! It makes my day and “gives meaning” to these posts! Thank you!

I’ll leave you with a few of my favorite quotes about fighting fear:

• In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor — who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom. Barack Obama

• Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted. Frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy. Danielle Steel

• Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. George S. Patton

• There were all kinds of things I was afraid of at first, ranging from grizzly bears to ‘mean’ horses and gun-fighters; but by acting as if I was not afraid, I gradually ceased to be afraid. Theodore Roosevelt

• This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-hearted. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one’s potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life. Carl Rogers

• Your dream has to be bigger than your fear. Steve Harvey

• Logic and cold reason are poor weapons to fight fear and distrust. Only faith and generosity can overcome them. Jawaharlal Nehru

• The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela 

• The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is ‘Do not fear.’ It’s in there over two hundred times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn’t let fear boss us around. Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life. If what you are doing is important, you will encounter resistance. If what you are doing isn’t important it will be easy. Donald Miller

Try one meaningful (but not dangerous) thing this week that scares you. See how you feel afterwards!

I’ll be praying for you!

Betty

Search for Meaning, Talents & Saints

Welcome back!

Last week we considered that Matthew Kelly, a theologian, writer, and speaker, teaches that we can add meaning to our lives by listening to our wants, talents, and desires to find our God-given calling, and then spend that unique passion on improving the world. See the bottom of this post for a list of talents we could ponder.

However, there are ways to add meaning to our lives even before we find our God-given calling.

St. Thérèse of Lisieux, also called the Little Flower, didn’t see herself as containing one special gift that she should share. She served God by her Little Way, or doing ordinary acts with great love. I think many of us can relate to her. We can’t begin a new vocation or go traveling to be a missionary. We have responsibilities that keep us close to home. Yet we can follow St. Thérèse while we fold clothes, or tend to a skinned knee, or make another dinner. We can go off to a job we might not enjoy, but that pays the bills. As we wonder where the meaning in our lives is, St. Thérèse teaches us that the mundane can become beautiful and holy and meaningful, if we do it with great love. To add meaning in our lives, we can… Let all you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

There are some people no one would doubt have led meaningful lives. The first that comes to mind is Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta, whose patron saint was St. Thérèse of Lisieux. At a young age, she left her family to become a missionary sister and began teaching girls in India. However, seeing the poverty among the homeless there, she eventually petitioned and was allowed to start a new order dedicated to helping the poorest of the poor. The sisters gave people who were homeless and dying gifts of dignity and loving care.

Looking to a more recent example of a well-lived life, Saint Carlo Acutis was born in 1991, died in 2006, and was canonized a saint in 2025. In some ways a typical millennial, he loved Pokémon like several of my grandchildren. Yet he was also a computer prodigy and used his skills to gather research on miracles of the Blessed Sacrament, the Eucharist. Though he died at 15, he found meaning in drawing closer to God and advised us all to follow his “highway to heaven.” Here is Carlo Acutis’ “Kit to Achieve Holiness” from his website https://www.carloacutis.com/en/association/carlo-e-il-suo-kit-per-diventare-santi :

• 1) Desire holiness with all your heart. And if you don’t yet desire it, ask the Lord insistently until you do.
• 2) Go to Holy Mass and receive Holy Communion every day, if possible.
• 3) Pray the Holy Rosary every day.
• 4) Read a passage from Sacred Scripture each day.
• 5) Spend time in Eucharistic Adoration, even if only for a few minutes before the Tabernacle, where Jesus is truly present—you’ll see how your holiness will grow immensely.
• 6) Confess every week, even venial sins, if possible.
• 7) Make small resolutions and sacrifices for the Lord and the Blessed Virgin, offering them to help others.
• 8) Ask for help often from your Guardian Angel, who must become your best friend.

Through this simple yet powerful guide, Saint Carlo reminds us that holiness is not something distant or reserved for a select few—it is a universal vocation, open to everyone who desires to live in the presence of God. Attaining access to heaven must be the most important way to add meaning to our lives!

Thank you for reading this and now, as promised,  the Hidden Talents List from https://www.explorepsychology.com/hidden-talents/:

• Artistic skills (drawing, painting, sculpture)
• Musical abilities (playing an instrument, singing, composing)
• Writing skills (creative writing, blogging, journalism)
• Public speaking (presentations, storytelling)
• Problem-solving (critical thinking, strategic planning)
• Leadership (team management, motivational speaking)
• Cooking (culinary creativity, baking, food presentation)
• Photography (capturing moments, photo editing)
• Social skills (networking, relationship building)
• Design skills (graphic design, fashion design, interior design)
• Technical skills (coding, website development, troubleshooting)
• Athletic abilities (sports, dance, fitness training)
• Craftsmanship (woodworking, knitting, sewing)
• Organizational skills (event planning, time management)
• Empathy (emotional support, counseling)
• Teaching (mentoring, tutoring, instructional design)
• Mechanical skills (repair work, engineering)
• Mathematical abilities (problem-solving, data analysis)
• Performance skills (acting, improv, stage management)
• Language skills (translation, multilingual communication)
• Strategic thinking (business strategy, game theory)
• Negotiation skills (conflict resolution, deal-making)
• Social media management (content creation, audience engagement)
• Culinary innovation (recipe development, food pairing)
• DIY skills (home improvement, upcycling)
• Gaming (strategy games, competitive gaming)
• Animal care (training, grooming, veterinary skills)
• Entrepreneurial skills (start-up creation, business planning)
• Memory skills (memorization techniques, recall)
• Healing practices (alternative medicine, holistic approaches)
• Scientific research (experimentation, data interpretation)
• Historical knowledge (research, preservation)
• Environmental stewardship (sustainability, conservation)
• Negotiation (mediating, resolving disputes)
• Event planning (coordinating, organizing)
• Adaptability (flexibility, resilience in changing environments)
• Customer service (problem resolution, client relations)
• Humor (comedy, wit, entertaining)
• Charisma (influencing, persuading)
• Mindfulness (meditation, stress management)

Have a wonderful, meaningful week ahead!

Needs, Talents, and Desires

Last week we discussed that we search for meaning again and again as we pass through different phases in our lives. At any point we may ask, “What am I called to do in this phase of my life? What is my vocation?” The answer may be different than it was ten years ago.

How do we find our direction?

Matthew Kelly, in his book, The Three Ordinary Voices of God, says there are voices God uses to help us discover what His particular will is for us. Kelly says God speaks to each of us, individually, every day, using many sources, from the books we read, to the people we meet, the dreams we dream, or our own ponderings. But He speaks to us individually through the needs, the talents, and the desires He gives us. We are in danger of mis-living our lives, Kelly says, unless we strive to focus our needs, talents, and desires on doing what God wants us to do to become the best versions of ourselves as well as great gifts to the world. Kelly encourages us to decide in each moment to choose to make it a holy moment, by placing it in the service of God.

God’s voices: We have a variety of needs, from physical, to intellectual, to emotional, and spiritual. We must honor these needs in order to be healthy, strong, growing in knowledge, and growing closer to God and others. We should eat a healthy diet, sleep enough, and exercise regularly, in order to be well enough to help people. Intellectually, we must continue learning. Emotionally, we need to maintain relationships with our family, our friends, and our God. Spiritually, we move closer to Him as we spend time in, as Kelly calls it, “the classroom of silence.” To find meaning in our lives, we need prayer time so that we can learn to discern what God is calling us to do.

Next there are our talents. Kelly believes that “we are capable of doing one thing better than any other person alive at this time in history.” He says we will discover our particular genius through two signs: joy and a feeling of timelessness. When we find our passion, following it brings such joy that time seems to pause as we pursue it.

Kelly says, though, “It isn’t enough to discover our talents. The next step is to discern how God wishes us to express those talents in the world at this moment in history.” He assures us that we have abundant talents, and the perfect mix of talents to fulfill the mission and life God intended for us. Some are for use right now. Some we will “leave dormant for another season.” Some talents are universal; everybody has them, such as the ability to make a difference in other people’s lives. Don’t discount a talent simply because it is universal. Yet some talents are unique and these can bring us great joy and even lead to what the world sees as success. But success is not enough to give us a deep sense of purpose.

Kelly asks, “Why do people who are tremendously successful, who have become mind-blowingly famous and wealthy, people who could do whatever they wanted or nothing at all, why, almost universally, do they try to make a difference in other people’s lives?” He says for Meaning. We can’t live a meaningful life by filling it with things and meaningless activities. People focus on making a difference in others’ lives because their lives feel empty without doing so.

He says, “Our true humanity is realized through acts of kindness, empathy, compassion, generosity and service to others. Only by exploring our profound interconnectedness are we able to fully experience what it means to be human.” He quotes Nigerian author and Nobel laureate, Wole Soyinka, who observed, “You cannot become fully human until you start living for others.”

So, what is the third voice God uses to speak to us? Our desires motivate and inspire us, but the desires that are self-focused and shallow need to be set aside to find our deepest desires. He says, “Each time we choose to live out our deeper desires, we expand our capacity for everything that is good, true, right, just and noble. When we side with our shallow and superficial desires, our capacity for these things contracts. […] The world needs people who want the right things for the right reasons.” He adds that people often ask, “What do you think I should do with my life?” But this isn’t a question for others. Rather it is a question best directed toward God in prayer.

He assures us that when we ask what we should do with our lives, if we listen to God speaking to us through our needs, talents, and desires, then the direction we are seeking will emerge.

(Kelly cautions that as you ask yourself what matters, your future might be less busy than what you are currently doing. You may need to simplify your activities in order to focus on the vital few.)

So, ponder your needs, talents, and deepest desires this week. Take the conversation to God.

Blessings on your week, and thank you for your attention,

Betty Arrigotti

Searching for Meaning

Welcome to this Lent’s posts, focused on Searching for Meaning. We will explore the subject each Friday during Lent.

Perhaps it is human nature to search for the meaning of our lives. Perhaps it is a God-given trait that encourages us to grow or reach out. While some may ask, “Is this all there is?” others ask, “How can I do or be more?” Many conclude that we add meaning to our lives when we make something beautiful, or help others, or accomplish a goal.

There are seasons in our lives when the questions resurface, and we repeatedly search for ways to enhance meaning in our lives. As teens we wonder what our direction in life should be. We start discovering what we excel at, or what gives us inner joy. Will I go to college, trade school, or take a year to “find myself?”

A few years later we might be weighing which job will give us more satisfaction, or which person will be our life partner. As young parents, we hope there will eventually be more to life than diapers and tight budgets. We also may wonder how to direct our children toward a life of values. The question of meaning or direction may rise again as we become empty nesters, especially if we have found most of our value through parenting.

Perhaps by middle age we have become established, or even financially successful. Maybe what we thought would bring us happiness still feels like something is missing. The thought might again haunt us, “Is this all there is?” Many people at this stage become philanthropists or volunteers, using the blessings they’ve received to help others. Others may meet with mid-life crises and they derive meaning in their suffering by being an example of endurance and acceptance. Then, if we are blessed with retirement and old age, we ask again, “How do I bring meaning to my life now that I’m not working or not as capable?”

Great minds have studied these questions. Humanists encourage us to find our passion or calling or vocation and then use it to help others. Theologians direct us to bring God into the discussion. “Lord, what would You have me do?” Some have made their advice more individual. If God created me to be unique among His creations, perhaps there is a unique way He wants me to serve Him and others. We seek our vocation. I have long been taken with a quote from Frederick Buechner describing vocation as “the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” I suspect we are serving best when we follow Pablo Picasso’s advice, “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

So, I believe searching for meaning involves searching our hearts and God’s will for a calling that brings us great joy and then using that gift to help others. At different stages in our lives, we may focus on different passions or values, but let’s keep striving to be and do the best we can. Then, in our final days, we can look back without regret. We hope to say with St. Paul, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7 NIV

In the weeks ahead, we will look to a variety of writers to see how they recommend we add meaning to our lives. In the meantime, let’s spend a little extra time in prayer, asking God to lead us to know His will.

Slowing Down

Slowing Down to the Speed of Joy 1                                    

Welcome to, or welcome back to, my weekly Lenten posts called “4 Minutes 4 Growth.” This year’s topic is slowing down to the speed that allows us to flourish, rather than merely survive. We will consider a different aspect of the challenge each Friday in Lent from Slowing Down to the Speed of Joy: The Simple Art of Taking Back Your Life, by Matthew Kelly.

We are probably all too busy. And aren’t we a little proud of that? Our society seems to see busyness as a virtue. It makes us feel important and gives meaning to our lives. Or does it? Our lives have meaning because we are children of God, not because of what we do. Our lives also derive meaning from how we help and love others. So, the use of our time is more important than how urgent, hurried, or busy we are.

Are we flourishing? Like the Kaiser Permanente commercials ask, do we thrive? Kelly writes that we have become too busy when we are focused on urgent tasks that might not be important, rather than the important tasks God wants us to accomplish. God wants us to love unconditionally: our husbands, our children, strangers, Him, and even ourselves. But being too busy can get in the way of that.

If we are too busy, we’ll miss that our quiet child is even more quiet than usual, or that our talkative child is saying something very important. We won’t notice that our husband is feeling left out and unappreciated, or that our friend’s voice on the phone sounds strained. We need down time, not busy time, to sit with a child who needs to talk or cry, to find out why one of the children seems angry all the time lately, or even to notice that the pain in our stomach has lasted too long to ignore.

Matthew Kelly writes, “Love says, ‘I see you. I hear you. I am with you. I care. Rest a while. You are safe here with me. You are worthy. This cannot be rushed.‘ (…) Someone you love has unmet and unspoken needs. But it is impossible to notice these things when our lives are moving too quickly, so people have to scream to get our attention. What will it take to get our attention?’”

Researchers ask people every year, “What one word would you use to describe how you feel on a daily basis?” Overwhelmed is now the most common answer.

“It’s not just that we are busy, but that we are busy with the wrong things. Busy leads to overwhelmed, overwhelmed leads to weary, weary leads to discouraged, and discouragement leads us to feel resentful and inadequate. Anyone or anything that makes you feel that way is too small for you.”

The truth is, you are already at war with busy, you have been at war with busy for a long time, and busy is opposed to almost everything you value most.”

Peter Kreeft, of Boston College, says, “To win any war, the three most necessary things to know are:

• That you are at war
• Who your enemy is, and
• What weapons or strategies can defeat that enemy.”

“The will to fight comes from being clear about what’s at stake. Busy is an enemy to your physical health, personal finances, marriage, parenting, career, spirituality, peace of mind, mental health, and so much more. And busy cannot be reasoned with. It will destroy you unless you actively subdue it in your life.”

Betty here. We are at war. The enemy is being so busy that we can’t flourish. Let’s figure out what strategies will help us be the best version of ourselves. This week let’s think about how busy we are and how busy we want to be. Let’s use some of our Sabbath time this Sunday to ponder what we can do to slow down to a healthier level.

May God bless your week.
Betty Arrigotti

Author of Christian Love Stories, available at Amazon:

A Slower Advent

Happy Advent!

I usually only post during Lent and about my books, but I wanted to share a talk my daughter Jennifer Friend gave at a ladies’ luncheon at church:

Good morning, everyone,

We have all just heard a bunch of wonderful and beautiful ideas for how to celebrate Advent with your families, and I know I could call on just about anyone in the room to come up and tell us even more ideas we haven’t heard yet…

But this is a busy time of year for moms… in many families it is often the mom making the magic happen for her family in December. It is a joy and a privilege to do so, but it can also be exhausting!

I want to give you permission to do something quite radical this year…

I want to give you permission to do… less.

Jesus will still be born at Christmas if all you do this year is a really intentional Advent Wreath tradition.

Jesus will still be born at Christmas even if all you do this year is a faithful observance of the various saint feast days in December. Or if you just pull out a book to read each day instead of individually gift-wrapping 24 books to open and read throughout Advent!

Jesus will still be born at Christmas even if all you do is a really great Jesse tree. And really, Jesus will still be born at Christmas even if you can only manage a mediocre Jesse tree! If something is truly worth doing, it’s even worth doing badly!

Maybe you have a new baby! Or perhaps you lost a loved one this year! Or someone is searching for a job! Or you are a grandma for the first time this year!

Emmanuel…     God with us…   Emmanuel is not diminished by the season of life we are in!

A couple of years ago we pulled out our Advent tub and tried to do it all. Each kid chose a different Jesse tree, we had a new Advent Wreath program for readings, various grandmas sent us new Advent calendars, we had fancy paper ornaments for each saint feast day to print out and color and then cut out and assemble, not to mention more secular traditions for December! We would get up each Advent day and go through each Jesse tree, one kid putting up a sticker, another a magnet, another something on the fridge, another hanging up a tiny book, and none of the readings lined up with each other, then we had to update each Advent calendar, and we were too busy to enjoy the coloring of the saint ornaments, and too tired to assemble them, and then we had to get ready to head to the next December event for the day!

It was tiring, and I was probably not the most patient mother that year.

This year, dare to be different. YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL! If your little ones are still young, and you have ideas for 10 different traditions you have heard this morning, you DO NOT need to start every single new tradition this year! Try ONE! Write the rest of the ideas down on a piece of paper and tape it to your Christmas or Advent tub to look at next year!

If you are a grandma, you don’t have to think of every tradition you’d like your grandkids to grow up with. Don’t pressure your adult children to continue every tradition they grew up with. Let them try to do less this year, if they need to. Let them establish their own traditions. It doesn’t mean that they don’t treasure the childhood traditions you chose for them growing up!

If your kids are somewhere in between… not tiny, but not yet grown… get them involved! Ask them to help you choose which 1 or 2 Advent traditions they would like to try this year! What a healthy life skill to be instilling now!

Saying no to something good this year doesn’t mean you are saying no to it forever! You can take a break for a year and decide again what to try next year!

I am going to borrow some wisdom from Sarah Mackenzie and encourage you to keep in mind three beautiful missions this year. They are true for a healthy homeschool, and I think they apply beautifully to any family and any liturgical season…

1 – DO LESS,

2 – AS CONSISTENTLY AS YOU ARE ABLE, and

3 – PUT RELATIONSHIPS FIRST.

That’s all. Consider these three as you make decisions about how to celebrate Advent with your family this year. Do less, as consistently as you can manage in the season of life that you are in and be sure to keep relationships on the front burner, not the back burner. Relationships not only with your family and friends, but also with the God who so desperately desires you to slow down enough to see Him.

Give your family the gift of a Mama that isn’t staying up until midnight or beyond stressing over the next day. Give your family the gift of a more rested woman who chose to focus her energy on doing one or two things well, rather than trying to do it all and having no patience left for the people she loves. If you’re married, give your spouse the gift of a wife who isn’t 110% focused on the kids at this time of year. Find ways to make it a little easier on yourself, so that you too get to enjoy the ‘waiting in hope’. So that you get to enjoy the season as well, and that you will have room at the inn of your heart for Jesus to be born this Christmas.

The Advent that your family experiences this year will be greatly enriched if they get to see you slow down and cherish this beautiful season for yourself. Do less, as consistently as you are able, and put relationships first.

See Jesus in Ourselves

Frank, the wise elderly priest, continues to tell us how he’s come to see Jesus in his life:

One of my favorite blessings as a priest came with the honor of listening to people’s confessions. You might be surprised at that, but sharing such a sacramental moment with anyone is a gift. Sometimes people come in during confessional hours and you can tell they want to get in and out as quickly as possible. But most people, once they’ve said what they need to say, are open to the many graces God wants to shower on them. And the people who make an appointment for confession off-hours are often hungry for such grace and any spiritual counseling that I’m moved to offer.

Many people come to the confessional weighed down by guilt and feeling very bad about themselves. I listen, not for my own knowledge, but as a conduit connecting God and the parishioner. Their words, both the penitent’s and God’s, flow through me, and I frequently am amazed at how the Spirit directs my response to them. You’d think after so many years as a priest I’d be used to it, but I still often wonder, did I just say that? Where did that come from? It certainly isn’t my own wisdom, but that of the Spirit. Being used that way, for the healing of a sorrowful soul, is one of the greatest gifts of the priesthood!

I don’t want the penitent to leave while weighed down by what they’ve just told me. I want them to realize what a blessed child of God they are, so there’s a question I’ve always loved asking people before I give them their penance and send them on their way.

I say, “Tell me when you’ve been most like Jesus.” Well, usually they start telling me when they’ve been the least like Him. So, I interrupt and say again, “Tell me when you’ve been most like Him.”

I hear quite humbling answers.

One woman said, “When I overlook my husband’s little irritating idiosyncrasies and just love him as he is.”

Another said, “When I’m up in the middle of the night with my infant, and she’s crying, and I’m exhausted but I cuddle her and coo to her and rock her until she falls asleep. I think that’s what Jesus must long to do with us when we aren’t behaving. So often we misbehave because we are tired or hungry or don’t feel loved. But He’s right there holding us and loving us through the hard times.”

So much truth rests in that wise young woman’s words. But women aren’t the only ones who are Christ-like. One man told me, “My joints hurt most of the time. I’ve had severe arthritis for years, but I try not to complain. I think about Jesus and how He suffered for me, and I thank Him, and then the pain doesn’t seem intolerable.”

Another man had a hard time letting go of all the times he’d missed the mark. I had to repeat my question several times, but finally he looked up at me with tears in his eyes and said, “I’m divorced. I didn’t want it, but I am, and sadly, my ex-wife is very angry with me, so she belittles me in front of the kids. I’m most like Jesus when I resist the temptation to do the same about her. He never returned anything but good for evil. I try to remind myself of that, and I try to tell the kids about her good qualities. I don’t want them to think that whatever part of them comes from her isn’t anything but wonderful.”

The elderly man paused and looked at Pedra, who had been recording his words in shorthand as quickly as he spoke.

“How about you, Pedra,” he asked, “when have you been most like Jesus?”

Pedra looked up from her notepad, then looked down again, not wanting to meet Frank’s gaze. She could feel her cheeks burn, and her first thoughts were all the ways she wasn’t like Jesus at all. Frank let her relax into his silence and simply waited. Finally, she said, “I’m most like Jesus when I’m in this room, listening to your stories, and completely enjoying being with you. I hope He enjoys being with me, but I am absolutely sure He enjoys being with you, Frank.”

“Pedra,” Frank answered, “you have no idea how wonderful you are. And I don’t have much time left to convince you. But you are. You make me feel like there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. That’s a remarkable gift of friendship. And I promise you, Jesus loves being with you, listening to you confide in Him, sharing your friendship. He loves you, Pedra, just the way you are right now. He doesn’t need you to be perfect. He’ll aways encourage us to be better, but He also delights in who we are right now.”

She looked at the good man through tears in her eyes.

“Go home,” he said. “Talk to God. Listen to Him. Let Him show you all the ways you are wonderful.”

Betty here. What more can I say? Go home. Talk to God. Listen to Him. Let Him show you all the ways you are wonderful. He loves you, just the way you are right now. He doesn’t need you to be perfect. He’ll aways encourage us to be better, but He also delights in how we are right now.

See Jesus in yourself.

See Jesus – In Church

Seeing Jesus can result from observing Him in others like we considered last week. However, He draws us to Himself through many different means. Moving closer to Him is a matter of deepening relationships as we love people more, but also as we get to know Jesus better in His Church, through His Word, through Prayer, and through Community. Our protagonist, Frank, tells us more:

As a kid, I enjoyed reading the New Testament. Our Lady had told me I’d meet her Son, and I wanted to be ready. At first, I used a child’s book of stories about Jesus, but eventually a simplified Bible, and before long, a regular Bible. I liked the Jesus I met there. As a child, He must have been a deep thinker, and I could relate to that. I loved how He sat and listened to the elders at the temple and asked questions with understanding, even at twelve. He was kind and gentle with people, but could be passionate, like when money lenders misused His Father’s temple. I was especially intrigued by His healing miracles. I thought that healing might be just about the best of gifts to be given, to be able to cure people of their brokenness and pain. As I learned about Him from reading, I was drawn to Him, and began talking to Him as a friend.

I still do. I highly recommend it!

Above all, I strove to build a real relationship with Jesus by spending time with Him, whether in front of the Blessed Sacrament in adoration, in conversation with Him in prayer, or through little love offerings by way of sacrifices. A favorite author of mine, Matthew Kelly, once wrote that relationships deepen when we spend carefree timelessness with each other. The same is true spiritually. We grow closer to Jesus by spending time with Him.

But He doesn’t always call us to solitude. He can also meet us in Community. On my first night in Youth Group as a high school freshman, one of the seniors called for our attention. He invited us to take our seats and introduced us to the teen leaders who were other seniors like himself. A handful of adults supervised but allowed the teens to do most of the interacting. A young man and a young woman each gave a short talk about how the group had helped them deepen their faith or feel supported through hard times.

Excitement made me grin. I’d been hoping for a place where I could talk among friends about our faith. I wanted to grow closer to Jesus, but not feel like I was weird for that desire. Our Youth Group didn’t only talk. Much of our time was spent in service, putting our faith into practice.

That was when I first learned about the value of belonging to a community with shared beliefs.

Many years later, I was made pastor of my own parish, and I loved my flock dearly. I saw Jesus within them and through our shared worshipping. I felt Him reaching out to them. I felt tenderly toward the man who struck his chest gently each time Jesus’ name was read. Or the woman who sat in the front pew so that her four young children could see well, though tending to them probably meant she didn’t get to pray much herself. Of course, some folks were harder to see Jesus in. I listened to complaints about Mass times, or the music, or what the lectors wore. Some folks disagreed passionately about every topic brought up at the Parish Council meetings. The Church isn’t a collection of perfect people. It’s a community of imperfect folks who struggle together to grow closer to each other and to God.

I loved officiating at weddings, watching the bride and groom gaze into each other’s eyes, though their happiness in being joined as one emphasized how very alone a priest can be. Just when I was feeling especially sorry for myself, some sweet family would invite me to dinner. The children would play their newest pieces on the piano, or sing for me, or ask me to join them in a board game, and I’d drive home that night feeling so thankful. God had reminded me that I wasn’t alone, and that He had me, and all His children, under His wing.

Betty here again.

The early Covid precautions kept us from worshipping with our communities in our churches. It was certainly easier to attend Mass in our living rooms, but something was missing. Don’t you agree? In those first early months, we couldn’t receive Communion, and we couldn’t share community.

Some people say they can stay close to God without community, but Jesus must have thought worshipping together was important, since He instituted the Church. I think He knew we would need each other’s support through the hard times. We need the help of others as we try to raise our children to know Him. We need the witness of others when we profess our vows as a couple, baptize our children, or introduce them to the sacraments. And we certainly need the support of friends when we experience grief from the loss of a loved one. Clergy and lay ministers give us examples of how to lead our lives when they’ve gone through the challenges we face, or when they share a homily that makes us consider new directions. Those same leaders need our participation to perform works of mercy through food drives, soup kitchens, charity collections, outreach to the homeless, or support for our seniors.

We see Jesus in our churches when we study His Word, join in prayer, and reach out to help others.

See Jesus – In Others

       Welcome, or welcome back to these 4-minute posts written to help us grow.  I usually set my fiction writing aside during Lent, but this year, I will illustrate one aspect of “seeing Jesus” with excerpts from my work-in-progress novel, Jesus’ Joy. In the story, we meet a terminally ill, elderly patient who is dictating stories of his life that tell how he came to see Jesus. He begins when he was a young boy visited by the Virgin Mary in a dream.