Searching for Meaning While Aging

Matthew Kelly wrote a book with Allen Hunt about our last quarter of life entitled, No Regrets: A Fable About Living Your 4^th Quarter Intentionally. It’s a quick read and I recommend it to anyone, but especially to those of us over 60, who, if we live to the typical age of 80, are in our last quarter of life. The authors recommend:

1. Say Yes to God. God invites you onto a wonderful journey. When you say yes to God’s invitation, you know where you’re going.
2. Focus on a Fourth Quarter Virtue. Pursue one particular virtue God has specifically placed in you. Then watch it create blossoms in all areas of your life.
3. Give. It. Away. The more you give yourself way, the happier you’ll be.
4. Forgive. Often. Bitter and resentful is no way to live. And it is definitely no way to die.
5. Be Open to Life. Your fourth quarter can be more of a birthday than a dying. Be open to what can be.

If you get stuck on #2, that fourth quarter virtue, the authors provide a list of virtues, to help us start pondering what God might be guiding us to explore.

• Courage
• Prudence
• Faith
• Hope
• Love
• Justice
• Joy
• Peace
• Patience
• Kindness
• Generosity
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Self-control
• Humility

Is there one of these that your family would use to describe you? Or that you’d like to use to describe yourself when at your best? Of course, we’d like to embody all of them, but is there one that you might feel especially called to explore and share in your current stage of life?

Another article, this one by Richard Eisenberg in Kiplinger Magazine, reviews a book by Judith Viorst, Making the Best of What’s Left. Viorst is now in her 90s and gives advice for the final 5^th of our lives. She exhorts the elderly to:

1. Master the money. Don’t rely on your spouse for your finances. Trying to learn after they have passed on is very difficult. Or if you do the finances, leave a paper trail for your spouse to follow, with passwords and instructions, sharing your knowledge before it is too late.
2. Fight invisibility. Don’t let people make you feel lesser because of your older age.
3. Pursue independent interests. Cultivate separate interests, friends, and a sense of self apart from being part of a pair.
4. Look for ways to find purpose. Do more of the activities you love, or find someone to mentor, or try new things.

No matter what age we are, or how limited we might become, we can always find meaning in being a prayer warrior or prayer champion for our loved ones and for our world. I read recently about a church that commissions newly widowed congregants who are over 60, releasing them from the calling of marriage into a mission of prayer. What a great way to remind them that, though their previous ministry of being a loving spouse has changed, the church continues to need them.

I am still fortunate enough to be able to babysit, but as the grandchildren (and I) get older, that won’t always be a way for me to serve. I hope I’ll relate to them in different ways, as a friend or confidant.

Our families still need us. They need us to pray for them, and when asked, to share our wisdom and experience. Let’s show them how to age with integrity, model being people of faith, and love them, just how they are.

Searching for Meaning with Our Children

What can we teach children about searching for meaning? If you have young children, encourage them to discover their talents and interests. Give them opportunities to try new things. If you have teenagers, be a cheerleader for their interests and their experiments with new endeavors. The goal is to help them discover their gifts and passions. Once they focus on something, help them find how it can be used for others.

A recent article in the Oregonian, “A Surprisingly Simple Route To Happiness,” by Dana Milbank recounted an experiment:

“Cornell psychologist Anthony Burrow, who runs the university’s Purpose and Identity Processes Lab, found that with little effort he was able to bring out a different side of Gen Z.

“Since 2019, Burrow and his researchers have selected about 1,200 college and high school students to receive $400 no-strings “contributions” to use “to pursue what matters most” to them—something that benefits their community, family or even themselves. Before awarding the funds (eligible recipients are selected randomly), he tests applicants based on standard measures of well-being and emotions. Six to eight weeks after awarding the $400—the time during which the recipients have to make their contributions—he again tests those who received the funds and those who didn’t.

“The preliminary results are unambiguous. At the start, both groups typically scored the same on psychological measures. Eight weeks later, those who received the contributions scored significantly higher than the non-recipients on all measures: latent well-being, sense of purpose, sense of belonging, sense of feeling needed and useful, and affective balance (a measure of positive and negative emotions).

“Burrow’s takeaway: ‘Invite people to think about a contribution they want to make and help them (to) make that contribution, and that person may walk around with greater purpose than if they hadn’t done that.’”

Burrow suggests parents ask their kids what contribution they’d most like to make and then talk about how they can get started — with or without financial assistance. He says his research suggests the contribution we make toward fulfilling our purpose needn’t be “a major life-changing allocation of time or energy” but rather “things we can fit into our everyday routines.”

Next in the article, Milbank quoted Psychologist Kendall Cotton Bronk, of Claremont Graduate University, “The real path to happiness is focusing on others, on how you can contribute to others and their well-being. … What we need to be focusing on is contributing in meaningful ways, and often that will lead to the happiness that you’re seeking.”

Bronk believes that parents, too, can use these techniques to develop a sense of purpose in their own kids. Bronk advises parents to reflect on their own purpose in life and share that with their children and then ask them questions about what they want to accomplish and what they’re good at. She offers an online “purpose tool kit” for adolescents. https://www.kendallcottonbronk.com/purpose-toolkits-for-students .

Milbank continues, “The most efficient path to living a contented life may be to put ourselves through the same simple exercise of thinking about our purpose and then taking a step — even a modest one — toward fulfilling it. It’s not a replacement for other mental health interventions, but the surest path to happiness for many of us could be as simple as this: Stop trying to be happy — and start figuring out how to make other people happy.”

She quotes Todd Kashdan, who runs the Well-Being Lab at George Mason University. “The best exercise is to ask yourself what “the world is missing” and then how you uniquely “fill that gap a little bit.” The specific purpose doesn’t matter; it’s just a question of “what lights you up.” Then commit to make a specific regular contribution — particularly time — toward that purpose and assess your progress.”

Recently, I listened to two of my friends talking about their mutual interest in art. One had been encouraged by her parents, the other had not. As parents, I hope we will be remembered as being supportive of our children’s exploration of their passions and talents.

And how about becoming supportive of our own inner child’s talents, particularly if our parents weren’t. Is there something you always wanted to try? There’s no time like the present!

Finding Meaning Beyond Our Fear

Twenty years ago, a priest asked during his sermon, “What would you do for God if you weren’t afraid?” That question prompted me to begin writing these Lenten posts. It was a small step, but I’m so glad I braved my fear. Writing has made my life richer and, I hope, helped some people along the way. So, now I ask, “What would you do for God if you weren’t afraid?” Sadly, fear often holds us back from creating meaning in our lives.

I once studied a book called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, by Susan Jeffers. In fact, in 2015 my Lenten posts were focused on fighting fear. You can still find them on this website www.BettyArrigotti.com by clicking on “Fear” in the right-hand column. God has promised us that love casts out fear, so if fear is holding you back from some worthy venture, love a little harder, and ask God for strength. I’m sure it will result in you finding more meaning in your life.

If fear is holding you back from volunteering, or starting a new learning path, or connecting with that interesting person you met—if your fear isn’t caused by true danger, feel the fear and do it anyway. Yes, you may be bad at what you try. Everyone is at first. Yes, something a little embarrassing may happen, but it will make a great story later as you laugh at yourself. Yes, you might find out you don’t enjoy your new venture, but that just means you are a step closer to discovering something different that you will love!

I have heard from a few people about their experiences as they read these posts and tried to apply bits of them to their lives. One person sent me an example of her art, an interest she developed later in life. She is adding beauty to the world!

Another told me about seeing a family that was asking for money on a street corner. He passed them, then drove around the block and gave them $20. He was particularly touched by how wonderful it made him feel to have helped. Of course, we fear that some people beg in order to get money for drugs or alcohol, but that is between them and God. What the gentleman did was between him and God. And I bet God smiled.

One woman wrote that she will be moving away and needing to find a new job, so she pondered what brings her joy and makes time pass unnoticed. Now she knows just what kind of work she wants to find!

I love hearing feedback! It makes my day and “gives meaning” to these posts! Thank you!

I’ll leave you with a few of my favorite quotes about fighting fear:

• In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things — some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor — who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom. Barack Obama

• Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted. Frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy. Danielle Steel

• Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. George S. Patton

• There were all kinds of things I was afraid of at first, ranging from grizzly bears to ‘mean’ horses and gun-fighters; but by acting as if I was not afraid, I gradually ceased to be afraid. Theodore Roosevelt

• This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-hearted. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one’s potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It means launching oneself fully into the stream of life. Carl Rogers

• Your dream has to be bigger than your fear. Steve Harvey

• Logic and cold reason are poor weapons to fight fear and distrust. Only faith and generosity can overcome them. Jawaharlal Nehru

• The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela 

• The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is ‘Do not fear.’ It’s in there over two hundred times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn’t let fear boss us around. Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life. If what you are doing is important, you will encounter resistance. If what you are doing isn’t important it will be easy. Donald Miller

Try one meaningful (but not dangerous) thing this week that scares you. See how you feel afterwards!

I’ll be praying for you!

Betty

Search for Meaning, Talents & Saints

Welcome back!

Last week we considered that Matthew Kelly, a theologian, writer, and speaker, teaches that we can add meaning to our lives by listening to our wants, talents, and desires to find our God-given calling, and then spend that unique passion on improving the world. See the bottom of this post for a list of talents we could ponder.

However, there are ways to add meaning to our lives even before we find our God-given calling.

St. Thérèse of Lisieux, also called the Little Flower, didn’t see herself as containing one special gift that she should share. She served God by her Little Way, or doing ordinary acts with great love. I think many of us can relate to her. We can’t begin a new vocation or go traveling to be a missionary. We have responsibilities that keep us close to home. Yet we can follow St. Thérèse while we fold clothes, or tend to a skinned knee, or make another dinner. We can go off to a job we might not enjoy, but that pays the bills. As we wonder where the meaning in our lives is, St. Thérèse teaches us that the mundane can become beautiful and holy and meaningful, if we do it with great love. To add meaning in our lives, we can… Let all you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

There are some people no one would doubt have led meaningful lives. The first that comes to mind is Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta, whose patron saint was St. Thérèse of Lisieux. At a young age, she left her family to become a missionary sister and began teaching girls in India. However, seeing the poverty among the homeless there, she eventually petitioned and was allowed to start a new order dedicated to helping the poorest of the poor. The sisters gave people who were homeless and dying gifts of dignity and loving care.

Looking to a more recent example of a well-lived life, Saint Carlo Acutis was born in 1991, died in 2006, and was canonized a saint in 2025. In some ways a typical millennial, he loved Pokémon like several of my grandchildren. Yet he was also a computer prodigy and used his skills to gather research on miracles of the Blessed Sacrament, the Eucharist. Though he died at 15, he found meaning in drawing closer to God and advised us all to follow his “highway to heaven.” Here is Carlo Acutis’ “Kit to Achieve Holiness” from his website https://www.carloacutis.com/en/association/carlo-e-il-suo-kit-per-diventare-santi :

• 1) Desire holiness with all your heart. And if you don’t yet desire it, ask the Lord insistently until you do.
• 2) Go to Holy Mass and receive Holy Communion every day, if possible.
• 3) Pray the Holy Rosary every day.
• 4) Read a passage from Sacred Scripture each day.
• 5) Spend time in Eucharistic Adoration, even if only for a few minutes before the Tabernacle, where Jesus is truly present—you’ll see how your holiness will grow immensely.
• 6) Confess every week, even venial sins, if possible.
• 7) Make small resolutions and sacrifices for the Lord and the Blessed Virgin, offering them to help others.
• 8) Ask for help often from your Guardian Angel, who must become your best friend.

Through this simple yet powerful guide, Saint Carlo reminds us that holiness is not something distant or reserved for a select few—it is a universal vocation, open to everyone who desires to live in the presence of God. Attaining access to heaven must be the most important way to add meaning to our lives!

Thank you for reading this and now, as promised,  the Hidden Talents List from https://www.explorepsychology.com/hidden-talents/:

• Artistic skills (drawing, painting, sculpture)
• Musical abilities (playing an instrument, singing, composing)
• Writing skills (creative writing, blogging, journalism)
• Public speaking (presentations, storytelling)
• Problem-solving (critical thinking, strategic planning)
• Leadership (team management, motivational speaking)
• Cooking (culinary creativity, baking, food presentation)
• Photography (capturing moments, photo editing)
• Social skills (networking, relationship building)
• Design skills (graphic design, fashion design, interior design)
• Technical skills (coding, website development, troubleshooting)
• Athletic abilities (sports, dance, fitness training)
• Craftsmanship (woodworking, knitting, sewing)
• Organizational skills (event planning, time management)
• Empathy (emotional support, counseling)
• Teaching (mentoring, tutoring, instructional design)
• Mechanical skills (repair work, engineering)
• Mathematical abilities (problem-solving, data analysis)
• Performance skills (acting, improv, stage management)
• Language skills (translation, multilingual communication)
• Strategic thinking (business strategy, game theory)
• Negotiation skills (conflict resolution, deal-making)
• Social media management (content creation, audience engagement)
• Culinary innovation (recipe development, food pairing)
• DIY skills (home improvement, upcycling)
• Gaming (strategy games, competitive gaming)
• Animal care (training, grooming, veterinary skills)
• Entrepreneurial skills (start-up creation, business planning)
• Memory skills (memorization techniques, recall)
• Healing practices (alternative medicine, holistic approaches)
• Scientific research (experimentation, data interpretation)
• Historical knowledge (research, preservation)
• Environmental stewardship (sustainability, conservation)
• Negotiation (mediating, resolving disputes)
• Event planning (coordinating, organizing)
• Adaptability (flexibility, resilience in changing environments)
• Customer service (problem resolution, client relations)
• Humor (comedy, wit, entertaining)
• Charisma (influencing, persuading)
• Mindfulness (meditation, stress management)

Have a wonderful, meaningful week ahead!