All will be well.

 Easter!

 Tomorrow begins the Easter Triduum of

• Holy Thursday, when we contemplate Jesus’ desire to be with us, even in the face of death, as he offers his Spirit to be accessible through a simple meal of Communion;
• Good Friday, when completely innocent and all powerful, he chooses to suffer and relinquish his life to redeem us from our failings; and
• Holy Saturday, when we move from the darkness of death to the light of resurrection on
• Easter Sunday, when death and sin have been conquered!

Easter is a celebration of victory! God is on our side and he won! We are victors!

How can we not exude CONFIDENCE? Even if all the efforts of our past 6 weeks have not paid off and we still feel inadequate, we can step forward with confidence in God’s love for us.

There can be NO DOUBT when we look on the cross and contemplate Jesus’ suffering, knowing he chose freely to die for us.

If we truly believe that the Son of God suffered, died, and rose for us, shared his Spirit in order to continue to be with us, we have no choice but to TRUST God’s love for us.

Being followers of Christ doesn’t mean we won’t be outcasts.    He was.

It doesn’t mean we won’t know failure.    He did.

It doesn’t mean we won’t suffer.    He chose to.

It means we have already won! He lives! 

It means this life we live has meaning. He shows the way.

It means we will rise after death! He prepares a place for us!

In celebration of our victory over all that is imperfect, I offer you words from St. Julian of Norwich, who lived during the threat of the plague:

“And these words: ‘You will not be overcome,’ were said very insistently and strongly, for certainty and strength against every tribulation which may come. He did not say: ‘You will not be assailed, you will not be laboured, you will not be disquieted,’ but he said: ‘You will not be overcome.’ God wants us to pay attention to his words, and always to be strong in our certainty, in well-being and in woe, for he loves us and delights in us, and so he wishes us to love him and delight in him and trust greatly in him, and all will be well.

Blessings on your Easter season!

Betty Arrigotti

Gaining Confidence Through (Or In Spite Of) Family

            I spent last week visiting my family of origin in Montana. My brother and I shared a book signing there for my novel, Hope and a Future, and his photography book, Visions of Montana.

            I left for my hometown expecting that the trip would provide input for me to write about Alan Loy McGinnis’ recommendation, in order to grow in confidence, “Make the best possible peace with your parents.” I’d like to extend his words to include families.

 Make the best possible peace with your family.

            However, it wasn’t my own family that drew my attention. Throughout the week in Montana and the days in Oregon since, other families’ pain pressed upon my heart.

• On the airplane, I sat next to a 16 year old who was being sent to live with her grandmother because of falling in with the wrong crowd at her school. She fingered a beaded cross her little brother had made and sighed, “I’m going to miss him so much.”
• At daily Mass I listened as one child requested “Prayers for my mama because she’s been crying a lot and having a hard time.”
• An acquaintance divulged her heartache over her adult children’s refusal to speak to each other.
• A dear friend and her siblings grow weary from their efforts to help a parent with Alzheimer’s Disease.
• People I care about contemplate divorce and, though I spent years studying marriage counseling, I cannot heal their relationships.

             Our families cause us pain by the very nature of how important they are to us. We share any hurt they feel. In addition, loving them deeply opens us to vulnerability. Our intimacy creates countless ways that we can be injured. They know about certain of our weaknesses, or past wounds, and sometimes inflict pain with that knowledge.

            They know we were shy/awkward/a bully/mean/selfish/nerdy, etc., and often can’t realize we’ve grown beyond what we used to be. Being around family can wear away any confidence we’ve built. We need to remind ourselves of both our growth and our ability to continue to grow.

            Perhaps our past failings don’t haunt us now. Perhaps it’s the way our parents or siblings or classmates or neighbors treated us. Even Jesus had that problem: “Jesus said to them, ‘A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and among his own relatives and in his own household.’” Mark 6:4 (NASB)

            Our families are filled with imperfect people who make mistakes. Those mistakes damaged our confidence in our past and may continue to do so in our present. They were flawed people trying to overcome their own obstacles back then. Let’s refuse to allow their mistakes or their treatment of us to continue to affect us now. Let’s make a conscious choice to let go of the wounds, to realize the roles or labels our family gave us do not need to be maintained or accepted as true. Let the sweet satisfaction of liking who we now are replace the embarrassment or frustration or pain of the past.

 Let it go.

             For as difficult as our families can be, they are also some of our dearest blessings and sources of meaning of our lives. Think of our children. What a gift to the world! (Ok, those of you with preschoolers have my permission to use these 4 minutes for a nap. And if you have teenagers, you know deep down they still love you even when they roll their eyes, right?)

            Even if we aren’t blessed with children, we have relationships that we nurture with parents or spouses or the friends we consider family. If those relationships are more positive than negative, congratulate yourself!

 Here’s the answer to the age-old question, “What is the meaning of life?”

 It’s to learn to love.

             That’s what God wants from us: that we steadily learn to love him, others, and ourselves more deeply. He wants us to grow in love. And since he is love, he wants us to grow in him.

            Whenever we feel like life lacks meaning, we need to think of the people we love. That love itself gives our lives significance. And if we don’t have anyone to love, then it is time to connect to others who feel unloved. Be the one who shows them love. Reach out. Volunteer. I guarantee life will bloom with meaning.

            We talked before about how finding and following a passion gives our lives new momentum and builds confidence. However, we don’t need grand, extravagant actions to make our lives more consequential. It also can  be done in the few moments we take to send an encouraging email or letter. By humming to the baby while we change the messy diaper. When we smile through an elderly uncle’s repeat of his favorite story. Or maybe when we decide to forgive our spouse for the latest mistake without even mentioning it.

            Our lives become more meaningful every time we show love, and love-filled lives produce confidence.

From Passion to Action

Still unsure of your passion or calling?

      Some of us will have considered last week’s questions and still not have an answer for what our calling is. Elizabeth O’Connor in her book, “Cry Pain, Cry Hope,” writes, “Many times a person, unsure what her call in life is, will go from one mission to another. She gives each the gift of her energies for a time, but then she has to try others in an effort to discover the one that connects with something deep in herself and which can become for her, true vocation.”

     Some things to consider:

• You may already follow your call. Parenting, or caring for the elderly, or heading a huge project may be exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Do you already feel fulfilled by meaningful work or through creativity?
• Your calling may change over time. Young parenthood years may draw you a different direction than your empty nest stage or your retirement.
• Fear may be clouding your view of the path ahead.

      O’Connor quotes H.A.Williams in True Wilderness, “Fear, in the New Testament, is considered to be the root of all evil. It is fear which makes men selfish, it is fear which makes them hate, it is fear which makes them blind, it is fear which makes them mad. Fear casts out love, as love casts out fear. Which of the two therefore am I going to choose?”

     Over and over again in the Bible God exhorts us not to fear. See if you notice a common trend in these excerpts:

• “For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’”  Isaiah 41:13
• “O Jacob My servant, do not fear,” declares the LORD, “For I am with you.” Jeremiah 46:28  
• “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread?” Psalm 27:1
• “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 4:6-7

     Each verse takes our focus away from our fear and places it where it should be, on God. He says, “I will help you; I am with you; I am your light and salvation; My peace will guard.”

     We are working this Lent to overcome our fears and replace them with confidence. Not so we can be superstars at work. Not so we make more money or impress people. Rather, because when we are confident we refuse to let fear stop us. We are able to …

 Take action.

     Once you discover a gift, calling, or passion, take action! Commit to struggle, work, and perseverance. O’Connor forewarns us, “The identifying of gifts brings to the fore another large issue in our lives—the issue of commitment. Somehow if I name my gift and it is confirmed, I cannot “hang loose” in the same way. I would much rather be committed to God in the abstract than be committed to Him at the point of my gifts.  When one really becomes practical about gifts, they spell out responsibility and sacrifice.”

     Yes, responsibility and sacrifice are frightening, so we must take our fears to God in prayer. Acknowledge what the risks of this path are. What obstacles must be overcome? What must be sacrificed? Ponder and mull and brood about this calling, but take some sort of action. Seek out people who will support you as you undertake your work. Find someone who helps protect you from succumbing to the criticisms of others, or their jealousy, or your fear.

     Whatever inspiration you discover, take it to a higher level by taking it to God. Begin whatever passion calls you to do, whether taking a class or reaching out to others. If it is a work of art, either show beauty to others through your work, or point out areas that need attention to become beautiful. Let your creativity call others to change, to growth, to improving their little part of the world.

     I’ll leave you with a quote to mull over for the week:

     “The kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work that you need most to do and that the world most needs to have done…The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”– Frederick Buechner’s definition of “vocation” in his little book “Wishful Thinking 

 Prayers for you during this fifth week of Lent!

Betty Arrigotti

Finding Our Passion, Finding Our Gift

Quick review time. We’ve discussed a few of Alan Loy McGinnis’ Rules for Building Self- Confidence from his book, Confidence: How to Succeed at Being Yourself.

•  
  • Focus on your potential instead of your limitations
  • Replace self-criticism with regular, positive self-talk.
  • Replace fear of failure with pictures of yourself functioning successfully and happily.
  • Refuse to allow rejection to keep you from taking the initiative with people.

Today let’s focus on McGinnis’ advice to “Find something you like to do and do well, then do it over and over.”

Please don’t stop reading even if you are well along in your career or family life and feel like you’ve followed your passion and are set for life. God keeps calling us to move closer to him, or to improve this world, even when we can look back on our accomplishments with well-earned pride.

 Discover your gift/passion/calling.

Some people know from childhood what their passion in life, or particular gift, is. Others of us would be delighted to follow a passion if we could figure out what that passion is or what gifts we have. We want to use the gifts God gave us to build his kingdom in this world and create more meaning to our lives, but we wonder what does God want us to do, exactly?

In her book, The Eighth Day of Creation: Discovering Your Gifts, Elizabeth O’Connor writes, “We ask to know the will of God without guessing that his will is written into our very beings. We perceive that will when we discern our gifts. Our obedience and surrender to God are in large part our obedience and surrender to our gifts.”

O’Connor believed, “A primary purpose of the Church is to help us discover and develop our gifts and in the face of our fears, to hold us accountable for them so that we can enter into the joy of creating.” She believed that parents bear the same responsibility to their children.

Questions to help us find our passion:

What would we do, if we could do anything? How would we spend our days if money and time were no object? Ok, after we all vacation somewhere without rain or snow, what then? Often our desires tell us what path we are invited to follow. I don’t mean the longing for material things, or the infatuation with a particular person. Rather, does some path stir our very souls?

Can we remember ever being so absorbed in concentration that we were unaware of time? When we were simply present to the moment and invigorated by the experience? For me that happens when I’m writing. Sometimes it’s a struggle, but occasionally the words flow from my soul to my fingers. Then I’m in the zone! I’m in the Holy Spirit. Do you have times like that? Did you a long time ago? What were you doing?

“What would we do if we knew we could not fail?” Not realistic you say? Failure is a very real possibility. In fact, failure is almost guaranteed. At first. That’s how we learn. From our mistakes. We learn by failing and then thinking and trying again. And the learning and trying IS the success. Not the end product. Mother Teresa says, “God doesn’t ask us to succeed. He asks us to be faithful.” O’Connor says, “When we do not allow ourselves the possibility of failure, the Spirit cannot work in us.”

What is the deepest wound of your life? Take a minute here to feel the pain again. I know we become very good at pushing the pain aside. We must, in order to go on with our lives. But feel it for just a minute now. Was it a miscarriage? A loved one’s death? Was it abuse? An illness? An abandonment? Can you feel the tears welling? That tightness just below your heart?

Maybe your passion will be found in protecting others from experiencing that same pain. Or from walking with others as they recover from that experience. Perhaps your passion will lead you back to school to learn to help others heal, either physically or emotionally. Maybe you’ll participate in a support group to encourage and demonstrate how far you can come after the trauma. I know you’ll find that helping others becomes amazingly therapeutic.

This week, let’s spend time in prayer or meditation, asking the Spirit to help us know our calling, but let’s listen to our dreams, too.

Don’t let fear win. Dare to be different. Each of us is unique, and when we try to imitate others, we lose what makes us special. O’Connor says, “We cannot listen and speak and work out of our own centers and at the same time give our attention to weighing whether or not others are approving of us.” Break away from other’s expectations and learn to evaluate criticism, if you pay it any mind at all. My grandma used to say, “Consider the source.”

Be faithful. Follow his leadings. Follow that glimmer that rose to your mind when I asked what you’d do if you knew you could not fail. Because that glimmer is probably the Holy Spirit who is enticing you. Encouraging you. Inviting you.

Be a little careful before talking about what you discover. Though it will be good in time to seek confirmation from others, for now, ponder these things in your heart. Hold them close and don’t subject your glimmer to the harsh logic of others’ opinions until it has grown from a spark to a glowing lantern.

Blessings!

Betty Arrigotti

Limitations, Rejections, Fear of Failure, Oh My!

Let’s spend 4 minutes with a few more of the Twelve Rules for Building Self- Confidence from Alan Loy McGinnis’ book, Confidence: How to Succeed at Being Yourself. 

Focus on your potential instead of your limitations

McGinnis says, “All of us have weaknesses. The important thing is to determine which ones are improvable, then get to work on those and forget about the rest.”

What if we really aren’t competent? Then we figure out what help we need and stride confidently ahead, knowing we will learn from our mistakes. All successes are built on learning from failures. Failure, if we learn from it, is simply one step closer to success. One of my favorite quotes is from Kent Sayre’s book, Unstoppable Confidence!, “If you want to do something well, it’s worth doing it poorly at first.”

What if we don’t feel confident? We fake it until we make it. We act as if we were self assured. The more we behave as if we were confident the sooner we will feel confident. Our words and our thoughts and our beliefs and our actions all are intertwined, affecting one another.

What if we don’t feel as good as everyone else? Each of us is a child of the King of Kings. As such we are royalty! We are no less (and no more) than everyone else. By the very gift of our life we are wonderfully made. We are so important that God himself wants to be in a relationship with us. He gave us unique gifts and delights in us, his creation! He wants us to feel good about ourselves so that out of that confidence we can accomplish something wonderful with the gifts he’s given us.

Even if it’s one of those down days when you are convinced you don’t have any strengths, bask in the knowledge of being a beloved child of God.

Think about the wonder of having an almighty, all knowing, all loving God who counts the hairs are on your head and loves you so much that he wants to become steadily closer to you. God is thrilled with you just the way you are! He is very easy to please. True, he’s hard to satisfy and he will always be encouraging you to grow, but he is delighted with you right now, too.

Replace fear of failure with clear pictures of yourself functioning successfully and happily.

This follows along the same principles as improving our self-talk. We want to influence our subconscious and heal the years we’ve been sending it negative talk and images.

Sports psychologists discovered that when athletes practice envisioning themselves performing their skills perfectly, their actual performance improves. We think in pictures, as well as words. If we can picture ourselves succeeding, behaving in a confident manner, our actual confidence improves, as does our behavior.

In the book, Unstoppable Confidence!, Kent Sayre cites “neurolinguistic programming,” or the study of how verbal and nonverbal language affects our minds. He recommends imagining our memories of our failures, or unconfident responses and then turning the memory to black and white, getting smaller, quieter, less important. Next we should imagine ourselves in Technicolor on a giant theater screen behaving in a confident manner. He writes of imagining the action complete with strong sound, smells, tastes, and feelings.

Visualize yourself with strong posture (back straight, eyes meeting eyes) and gestures. Notice others in the scene responding well to you, smiling, nodding their heads. Rehearse daily, if necessary, until you envision confidence as a matter of habit.

Refuse to allow rejection to keep you from taking the initiative with people. Like a good sales person, the ability to accept rejection is necessary for success. McGinnis advises us to:

• Expect some rejection as normal
• Consider that sometimes perceived rejection isn’t rejection at all, just misinterpretation
• Accept that some people reject everyone, not just you
• Try to learn from the rejection
• Allow yourself the right to get angry when appropriate
• Keep trying until you connect
• Don’t withdraw because that is a sure path to loneliness

Kent Sayre builds on that advice, “In all interpersonal relations, assume that you can get and maintain a rapport. Operate under the belief that you have far more in common with the person than not, and you will easily connect with him or her.”

Dr. Phil would say not to let that person take your power away from you. It matters less what they think about you than what you know about yourself.

With all this talk of how positive we should feel about ourselves, and all this effort to grow in confidence, is there a tiny voice warning (or maybe it’s shouting), “Be careful! Don’t go overboard!”? McGinnis foresaw that worry and included

2 anchors that keep our self confidence from turning to pride:

• Worship – Look up. Recognize the grandeur of God. When we know God is in charge we keep proper perspective.
• Compassion – We can have great self-confidence without having it turn into pride, so long as we are always looking for places to serve and to love.

He reminds us, “Self confidence, like happiness, is slippery when we set out to grab it for its own sake. Usually it comes rather as a by-product. We lose ourselves in service, and suddenly one day we awake to realize that we are confident and rather happy.”

Next week we will expand on McGinnis’ advice to “Find something you like to do and do well, then do it over and over,” as we explore another author, Elizabeth O’Connor.

Blessings!

Betty Arrigotti

The Abba/Papa God

Siena's Grandpa

Jesus called his Father, “Abba,” which I’m told loosely translates to “Papa,” and suggests the familiar, loving, gentle daddy. I have trouble relating to God the Father, not having known my own dad well, so I think about a grandpa, instead.

The grandfather I was closest to was often called “Papa Joe,” by the younger grandchildren. My mother’s father, Grandpa was an ideal image of Abba/Papa God. On Sunday mornings while Grandma was creating the heavenly smell of crispy bacon, Grandpa would sing and lift me onto his shoes so we could dance together. He was a blue collar worker who rose early each morning and worked his shift, not to further his career, but to provide for his family. Grandpa was a family man.

Granddad, my father’s father, came over early in the 20^th century from “the old country” and worked to make something from his nothing. By the time I came along he owned a ranch, a dairy, and many rental apartments and houses. In his case I was one of the younger grandchildren that didn’t know him long enough, but I know he worked constantly to make a better life for his family. Another family man.

So I like to think of God as a family man. Someone who lets His children climb into His lap or dance along with Him in His joy.

I’m understanding that image even better now that I’m a grandma. I really do try to enforce and respect my daughter’s rules for her daughter–though for some reason Siena comes to me when she wants sweets–but grandmas aren’t about rules. We are about loving unconditionally. We aren’t as stressed and tired as parents, not bearing the brunt of responsibility, so not as worried about doing things right. I think we are more able to simply enjoy our grandchildren.

I like to imagine God the Abba/Papa looking at me the way I look at Siena. I’m so delighted by her! I know in spite of her two-year-old tantrums she is absolutely loving and lovable! When she raises her little arms up to me and waits, trusting I’ll pick her up and hug her, love surges in me. And God, the source of all love, is 70 times 7 more loving than I. How can we doubt He feels the same delight when we reach up to him? Abba/Papa is always ready to lift us up to dance on His shoes.

Unfounded fear

            I wonder why we fear people who are different?

          Perhaps due to years of stranger danger caution from our parents. Maybe because our news media profit when they makes us worry. Or is it a survival instinct? I hope it isn’t only me, but I suspect it’s universal. I remember reading about a woman who travelled the world and invariably was welcomed but told that the people in the next town or across the border were less hospitable and she shouldn’t trust them.

            Whatever the reason, I’ve been afraid of visiting China for the 10 years my husband has been travelling there on business. Last month his itinerary was ideal for me to accompany him; I’d be able to spend time in several cities, including Beijing. He raised the incentive by arranging for us to visit the Terra Cotta Warriors that had intrigued me since I first read about them. I waivered in my reluctance.

            I reminded myself I experienced the same hesitance to visit Israel three years ago. Preparing for that trip, I imagined car bombs and terrorists waiting around every corner. Yet even when I joined a 4-person tour to Bethlehem, not realizing Bethlehem is in Palestinian territory, I was treated there with great welcome and hospitality.

            But China is a communist country. I’m a child of the Cold War and I remember it being big news when then-President Nixon travelled to China, an unheard of destination. I feared visiting a country that wasn’t known for respecting individual rights.

            Yet, my travel in Israel remains one of the highlights of my life and I had nearly let my fears keep me from that experience.

            I agreed to visit China, but I worried.

            So what did I experience? Without exception, everyone treated me with courtesy and respect. Men asked if they could take a picture of me with their wives. Women asked if I’d pose with their children. Teenagers stood to give me their seat on a subway, as they did for anyone my age or older. Tour guides politely asked me about my opinion of Obama, or which party I belonged to. Some shared their own worry that without a strong Russia, the USA’s dominance would endanger world balance.

            I can’t speak about China’s leaders or its politics. I only know that the everyday people are very much like our everyday people. They wait with smiles and hugs for their children to burst out of the building on the first day of school. They work hard to improve their families’ lives. They dance in the park when they hear music that suits them. They photograph what is unusual or beautiful. They carry iPods and cell phones and are frustrated by traffic jams and delayed flights. Both the church I attended and an acrobat show were full.

            Yes, their culture differs from ours, but in ways that seems minor, like the softness of voices, the use of parasols, the prevalence of bicycles, the acceptance of population density, or the challenge of living in a country of single-child families.

            I never felt endangered while in China (other than riding in a taxi) even when lost. My qualms were unfounded and I feel foolish to have waited so long to accept my good husband’s invitation to share his experience. I’ve been blessed once again by facing my fear. When will I learn to trust in God and never let fear direct my life?

Parental Example

            Within a month’s time, my husband and I both celebrated the lives of one of our parents. My father-in-law passed away after too short a struggle with cancer. My husband took on the responsibility for planning the funeral, including a heart-felt eulogy that recounted what a good father he had been. My brother spoke next as a representative of the countless young men that Dad influenced in his years of work with Scouts, as well as the numerous young men he taught about life while he taught them to be his work assistants. The priest and many of the frequent visitors to Dad’s bedside during his last few weeks talked about his years of enthusiastic volunteering with St. Vincent de Paul. Others benefited from his decade of hospital service where he greeted patients, helped direct them to the right department, and retrieved the wheel chairs that travelled the campus. Nearly everyone mentioned his “thumbs up” attitude, his commitment to service, and his strong work ethic.

            One month later, my entire family gathered for the first time in thirty years in Anaconda, Montana. Ours was a joyful reunion to celebrate my mother’s 80^th birthday. I had spent a few days with her the month before and experienced her typical activities. I tagged along as she attended Mass and the rosary daily, delivered communion and a Word Service to the nursing home, helped organize and attended a deacon ordination and a May crowning, and the weekly Adoration. I wasn’t there for one of the funerals–she averages two a week–which she organizes and plans with the bereaved families. But I accompanied her on her visits to friends: morning coffee here, a sandwich there, dropping in to check on one or pouring a cup of tea for another. Everywhere we went, people told me how wonderful my mother is and what a spirit she has for service. Our family celebration of her birthday had to include this “other family” of hers, so we hosted a tea with light refreshments in the church hall and more than 200 people attended!

            Two parents, both busier in their “relaxation years” than I am in my everyday life. Both making their lives meaningful by working for others. Both surrounded by people who love them for the service they give. Their lives exemplify one way to live well.

            They also both invite me to reevaluate my life. I am a home body who needs much time alone to process my thoughts and maintain my calm. The areas I’ve chosen to serve in are primarily solitary by choice. I write, I crochet prayer shawls, I pray for my family, friends, church, and the world. Most of my personal service is to my family–whether babysitting,  house cleaning, or lending a caring ear.  I host extended family gatherings and maintain connections. I see myself as an enabler to others in their service; I keep the household functioning while family members serve the world through their particular gifts. I’ve raised children with hearts more open than mine.

            I’d like that to be enough. I’d like to stay in my comfort zone. I want to excuse myself as an introvert who is drained by contact with people rather than energized. Yet, I know my mother and my father-in-law both were introverts who grew beyond their natural inclination and became extraverted. My husband opened his eulogy by describing his dad as shy and quiet and, as expected, the funeral attendees laughed. No one who knew him for the last 40 years would have described him that way. Yet leadership classes and becoming a Scout master drew him beyond his shyness.

            Some psychologists define maturing as growing in our weak areas until we are balanced. An introvert becomes comfortable with people. An extrovert becomes comfortable with contemplation.

            I have my own weaknesses to overcome, which may be different than the ones our parents grew through. I also have my unique call to follow and my unique strengths to place in God’s service. I hope my writing reaches out to people in need and offers help. I hope my service to my family makes a difference in the world.

            We can’t say one way of life is the only way to live well. I wouldn’t expect my children to live exactly as I have, or to serve the ways I serve. Maybe that is part of our challenge, to find our unique way to make this life meaningful. If there were only one way, we wouldn’t need to have a personal relationship with God to figure things out. We’d simply follow the defined steps. But given the distinctive nature each of us experiences–strengths and weaknesses, gifts and challenges–we are invited to constant conversation with God to get it right. If God is a parent anything like us (and He says He is) He longs to share our lives, our thoughts, and our decisions.

       In Mere Christianity, CS Lewis quotes George MacDonald, “God is easy to please, hard to satisfy.” Any effort we make to follow His path pleases Him, but He is never satisfied. He calls us to continue to grow more like Him throughout our lives.

      Sometimes I think I’m doing ok in my life choices. But then the lives of my mother and my father-in-law, and the life of Christ, challenge me to resist complacency.

Family spirituality

I’ve been listening to another cd from Matthew Kelly called “5 Practical Ways to Build Family Spirituality.” Here are his 5 ways and 2 of my favorite quotes:

.

.

.

1.  Ask the right questions. –Talk to your kids in ways that help them figure out the answers so they learn to make decisions. Ask question so you know your children and know about their lives.
2. Pray as a family. – Don’t rely on memorized prayers to inspire them. Let them hear you talk to God as a friend. Pray together at meals. One night a week, read the next week’s Gospel together and talk about what one word, phrase, or idea struck each member of the family as important
3. Create a family culture. – Reclaim family dinners as often as possible. Spend time together. Find ways to build each other up.
4. Simplify. – Eliminate excess, whether material goods or commitments. Let your children help reduce their belongings and take them to Good Will or Salvation Army with you. They’ll learn and grow through the process.  Say no to Sunday commitments, other than church and carefree timelessness* with your family and friends.
5. Develop a Spirit of Service. – By example and inclusion, teach children to serve each other, the Church, the community and the nation. They will grow up with a sense of purpose, ready for God to send them on His mission.

 “If you want to be happy for a lifetime, find a way to make a difference in other people’s lives.”

 “How do you want your life to be different next year? The only way that you can make it different is if you change your habits today.”

 *Matthew talks elsewhere about carefree timelessness as the one thing that will improve any relationship, guaranteed. Remember being newly in love? How you could spend hours together without needing to accomplish anything? Remember the last time you felt really close to and connected with your family? Were you enjoying carefree timelessness? Probably so. Give that unstructured time to your spouse, your children, and your God and watch the love grow.

Blessings!

Betty Arrigotti

For more information see www.MatthewKelly.org

Choose life!

You’ve made it to the final entry of Lent in our search for Joy!

One last author that I recommend you consider: Matthew Kelly is a 30-year-old Catholic who travels the world speaking to young and old about God’s dream for each of us: that we become the best version of ourselves.

He says we are physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual beings and that life is all about love. To be truly happy we must pay attention to our needs in these four areas:

• Physical – Eat healthy foods, sleep enough, and exercise regularly.
• Emotional – Focus on our relationships. Every relationship will blossom if we regularly spend carefree timelessness with the other, whether spouse, friend, or children. With time spent as if on vacation, we will move into the higher levels of intimacy like sharing our hopes and dreams, our fears and needs, and our efforts to become the best version of ourselves.
• Intellectual – For ten minutes every day, read a book that challenges you to grow.
• Spiritual – Our spirits need solitude, scripture, silence, and the sacraments. Matthew recommends we attend to Mass, asking God to show us just one way we can become better versions of ourselves this week. Somewhere in the readings, music, prayers, homily, or silence, we will be given that one message.

Matthew insists we all know deep down what will make us happy and better people. Yet, we don’t do what we know will make us happier and healthier. Why?

Because we are too busy.

What are we too busy doing? Working to attain things that we want, thinking they will make us happier. Instead, we should do the things he lists above, the things we need.

Things that really will make us happier.

He recommends we slow down enough to determine every decision by whether it will help us be better versions of ourselves. What we own does not matter. What matters is how we love – ourselves, the people in our lives, and our God.

When my daughters were in grade school we celebrated the approach of Easter with a poster that began with a caterpillar and a seed. Over the weeks of Lent the caterpillar grew through stages of development until it was a butterfly. Likewise the seed sprouted two leaves, a stem, a bud, and eventually flowered.

Now as Lent draws to an end and we prepare to celebrate Easter, the celebration of new life, let’s resolve to choose life.

• Choose gratitude, rather than complaints. 
• Choose simplicity over materialism and complexity.
• Choose relaxation and renewal over busy-ness.
• Choose trust, rather than insecurity.
• Choose service, rather than meaningless pursuits.
• Choose life!
• Choose love!

 And may your choices lead you to Joy!

 Happy Easter!

 Betty Arrigotti

I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants,   by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him. Deuteronomy 30:19-20

For more information, including books and cds see www.matthewkelly.org