Spiritual Calm

This week let’s take a look at anxiety. Or put more positively, let’s focus on our sense of Calm.

First, some enemies of calm:

• Hurry
• Overextension
• Dwelling on our fears
• Giving in to our fears
• Disorganization
• Indecisiveness
• Procrastination
• Negativity
• Selfishness
• Fear of the future
• Inconsideration
• Unwillingness to say no
• Failure to plan
• Weariness
• Poor prioritization
• Weak self-discipline
• Insufficient self-confidence
• Too little prayer or meditation
• And perhaps most importantly, lack of trust in God

Does one of the listed challenges feel like an area where you need growth? Focus on improving in that one category. An improvement in any area of our lives will improve the other areas as well. But allowing anxiety in any area in our lives can affect our spiritual well-being.

Given that we profess to believe that:

God is all good,

God is all loving,

God is all powerful,

God wants what is best for me,

And true happiness comes from following His will,

Then why are we not spiritually calm?

There can be many reasons, but let’s look at four:

We know what God wants, but we don’t do it. Even St. Paul wrote, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.” (Romans 7:15)

 Maybe we fail to do what we should because of:

1. Resistance to change
   1. We are satisfied, and comfortable with our current situation.
   2. We feel we’ve done enough and are good enough.
2. Fears, such as:
   1. What He has in store for us will be painful.
   2. Service will take time away from our families and their needs.
   3. We won’t be good enough at what God asks us to do.
   4. He might lead us to suffering, or even death like the martyrs.
3. Contrariness or choosing short-term over long-term gain
   1. I don’t want to.
   2. I don’t have time.
   3. Maybe tomorrow.
4. Wounds from the past
   1. Criticism, judgment, or belittling has left us with low self-confidence.
   2. Accusations from others of being a goody-goody, showing off, or seeming self-righteous.
   3. Continued focus on our weaknesses makes it hard to believe we can do what He asks.
   4. But there is another wound from the past… Someone who represented God, or who pretended to, hurt us and/or our family. In this case, imagine Jesus driving the money changers out of the temple. Or remember that Jesus was hardest on the Pharisees. I believe the few examples of Jesus’ anger show He wants His church leaders to be Good Shepherds to His people, protecting the lambs rather than wounding them. I am so sorry if you were hurt by the very people who should have shown you the most loving kindness. Please seek the healing you need to restore your spirit and know that, though we all are imperfect humans, this should not have happened to you.

With all the above reasons for not doing what we know we should, we must remind ourselves that our All-loving God wants what is best for us, and true happiness comes from following His will.

The second reason we might not be spiritually calm is we don’t know what God’s will is.

Sometimes we seek to choose between two options. If one (or both) was a bad thing, such as breaking a vow or intentionally hurting an innocent person, we’d know it wasn’t God’s will. No dilemma. But sometimes we are trying to discern which direction God wants us to go when both are good choices, such as which career to follow or whether to marry or consider a religious vocation as a single.

• There is no substitute for prayer at these times, and even fasting.
• Consulting other trusted individuals who are wise mentors or counselors is helpful for pointing out areas you might not have considered, but the choice must be yours.
• Sincerely ask yourself if you really do know, but don’t want to admit it because of fear.
• Imagine for a few days you’ve made choice A. How does it make you feel? Do the same with choice B. If one choice seems more attractive, might it be that God is leading you through that attraction?
• Would your strengths serve one choice better than the other? Might God have been preparing you for this choice by your life experiences, even the difficult ones?
• Take time away from your routine to be free to think and pray through the decision. Ask God to lead you, and to redirect you if you are not making the choice He wants.

A third possibility is we are overwhelmed with non-spiritual matters. For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a day of sabbath rest to the Lord. (Exodus 35:2)

How balanced is your life? Have you set any boundaries that ensure time for spirituality, creativity, family closeness, and fun? We are doing ourselves no favors if we forget that God gave us one day each week to rest and refresh. On that day we should be enjoying our families, moving closer to Him through prayer or spiritual reading, and expressing our creative, fun side.

Fourth, perhaps we aren’t calm because our relationship with God is weak. How can we trust someone we don’t know?

Matthew Kelly writes about a very dependable way to deepen any relationship, be it with God, spouse, best friend, or children. He calls it, Carefree Timelessness. By this he means spending time without an agenda, simply to enjoy someone’s company. No matter what the relationship, increase carefree timelessness and it will deepen. Spend some carefree timelessness with God. Chat with Him. And listen. “When you feel the absolute calm has been broken, come away alone with Me until your heart sings, and all is strong and calm.” From the book God Calling, February 21 entry.

Let’s end this exploration of calm with a disclaimer. Don’t expect to remain spiritually calm, even when you obey God’s nudges. We will find joy from obedience, but in my experience, it won’t be long before God nudges us back out of our new comfort zone and encourages us toward more growth and more joy!

But even before you find yourself spiritually calm, perhaps you can be a calm eye-of-the-storm for someone else. Listen to them when they are in need. Don’t be surprised if find your own worries seem small by comparison, and you can gain perspective.

Be Not Afraid

Are you worried about our world? Our news media can bring us a daily dose of fear. I admire Mr. Rogers’ take on televised disasters. He reminds children, “Whenever bad things are happening, look around for the helpers, there are always people who are helping.”

Or is your worry closer to home: your family’s health or financial struggles? You aren’t alone.

Fear can be a good thing, a gift, when it motivates us to run from danger or inspires us to take necessary steps, like studying for a test, or saving towards retirement. Fear that immobilizes us can keep us from growth and love. Our worries and anxiety can damage our health as we create fear over things that are not important enough to waste our emotions on.

So, how do we fight our fears? Which do we face? Which do we ignore?

Let’s start first by building our trust in God now, while we aren’t facing a bear or waking up to a fire.

Our God is all-good, all-loving, and all-merciful, but our world is imperfect, and we will suffer. When we do, we need to remember what it felt like to be a child comforted on a lap in a rocking chair. Then we crawl into God’s arms to be cradled, know this too shall pass, and that we are treasured and loved beyond limits. Our trust in God, and His faithfulness, will get us through.

St. Francis de Sales said: “The same Everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day of your life. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts.” Once we believe this, we can say, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

Fears to Face

In The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker says we must face fears and act to avoid imminent danger or death. Follow your intuition or gut reaction – don’t ignore true fear! However, some fears immobilize us and keep us from growing. In fact, there are those who say we should be stretching out of our comfort zone in some way every day.

If we don’t work through our fears and face them, we stagnate in many areas:

• Physical – prolonged or frequent fear causes damage to our bodies.
• Social – if we are afraid to take risks we won’t reach out to others, build friendships, find love, or leave unhealthy relationships.
• Financial – Our careers suffer if we don’t ask for help and seek out mentors.
• Emotional – Fear keeps us from growth and prevents the joy of accomplishment and building self-confidence.
• Intellectual – Learning requires admitting incompetence, and it can be frightening to not be good at something… yet.
• Psychological – Fear grows, if we don’t face it, and can generalize into other areas or become true phobias.
• Spiritual – God wants us to connect with Him and His other children. Fear blocks connection and love. It shows a lack of trust in God.

If the danger is real, we need to determine that best way to react. Sometimes running away is a great choice. Usually though, facing our fear means we need to calm ourselves enough to think clearly. We need to assess our strengths and weaknesses, apply our strengths to the problem, and take whatever steps we need to overcome our weaknesses. Is the danger something we can lessen, or do we need help from someone else?

In Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers tell us some truths to help us combat fears:

• Fear will always be present as long as we continue to grow.
• The only way to get rid of fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
• The only way to feel better about myself is to… go out and do it.
• I will experience fear when in unfamiliar territory, but so will everyone else.
• Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

Fears to Ignore

Not all fear is healthy. It can become debilitating and keep us from growing to our full potential. Most of our fears are really worries brought on by

• our own negative self-talk
• catastrophizing (I’ll just die if …)
• unwillingness to do what we should for ourselves (self-discipline)
• reluctance to ask for help when we need it (pride)

We can ask ourselves, is what we fear unlikely to occur, or not really worth the anxiety we are expending on it, even if it did occur? Does it really matter what an acquaintance thinks about what we do? Or whether a friend has more or is doing better than us at something? Or if we are occasionally embarrassed? Sometimes we turn our backs on fear by deciding the trouble is not important enough to worry about.

Worry will not bring solutions. It will more likely distract you from finding solutions. If a fear is legitimate, think it through and plan your actions accordingly. If it isn’t, let it go.

DeBecker would say, “In times of danger, follow your intuition”. Mr. Rogers would add, “There will be helpers.” And Susan Jeffers would conclude, “You can handle whatever comes.”

As a gift of meditation, follow this link to hear many artists joining in Be Not Afraid from their homes. https://www.praytellblog.com/index.php/2020/05/28/be-not-afraid/

Blessings on your week! Be not afraid!

Betty

Spiritual Calm

Given that I profess to believe that

• God is all good,

• God is all loving,

• God is all powerful,

• God wants what is best for me,

• And true happiness comes from following His will,

 

Then why am I not spiritually calm?

There can be many reasons, but let’s look at 4:

1. We know what God wants, but we don’t do it. Even St. Paul wrote, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15 Maybe we fail to do what we should because of:

• Resistance to change
  • Comfortable with what we know, we are satisfied with our current situation.
  • We’ve feel we’ve done enough and are good enough.

• Fears, such as:
  • What He has in store for us will be painful.
  • Service will take time away from our families and their needs.
  • We won’t be good enough at what God asks us to do.
  • He might lead us to death like the martyrs.

• Contrariness or choosing short-term over long-term gain
  • I don’t want to.
  • I don’t have time.
  • Maybe tomorrow.

• Wounds from the past
  • Criticism, judgment, or belittling has left us with low self-confidence.
  • Accusations from others of being a goody-goody, showing off, or seeming self-righteous.
  • Continued focus on our weaknesses makes it hard to believe we can do what He asks.

 

With all the above excuses for not doing what we know we should, we must remind ourselves that our all-loving God wants what is best for us, and true happiness comes from following His will.

But there is another wound from the past…

• Someone who represented God, or who pretended to, hurt us and/or someone we love.

In this case, imagine Jesus driving the money changers out of the temple. Or remember that Jesus was hardest on the Pharisees, the religious leaders. I believe the few examples of Jesus’ anger show He wants His church leaders to be Good Shepherds to His people, protecting the lambs rather than wounding them. I am so sorry you were hurt by the very people who should have shown you the most loving kindness. Please seek the healing you need to restore your spirit and know that, though we all are imperfect humans, this should not have happened to you.

2. The second reason we might not be spiritually calm is we don’t know what God’s will is. “But the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still, small voice.” 1 Kings 19:12

Sometimes we seek to choose between two options. If one (or both) were a bad thing, such as intentionally hurting an innocent person, we’d know it wasn’t God’s will. No dilemma Sometimes we seek to choose between two options. If one (or both) were a bad thing, such as intentionally hurting an innocent person, we’d know it wasn’t God’s will. No dilemma. But we might struggle to discern which direction God wants us to go when both are good choices, such as which career to follow, or whether to marry or consider a religious vocation as a single.

There is no substitute for prayer at these times, and even fasting. Consulting other trusted individuals who are wise mentors or counselors is helpful for pointing out areas you might have not considered, but the choice must be yours. Sincerely ask yourself if you really do know, but don’t want to admit it because of fear.

• Imagine for a few days you’ve made choice A. How does it make you feel? Do the same with choice B.
• If one choice seems more attractive, might it be that God is leading you by that attraction?
• Would your strengths serve one choice better than the other? Might God have been preparing you for this choice by your life experiences, even the difficult ones?
• Take time away from your routine to be free to think and pray through the decision. Ask God to lead you, and to redirect you if you are not making the choice He wants.

 

3. A third possibility is we are overwhelmed with non-spiritual matters. “For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a day of sabbath rest to the Lord.” Exodus 35:2

 

How balanced is your life? Have you set any boundaries that ensure time for spirituality, creativity, family closeness, or fun? Are you so tired that when you do have time, the only thing you have enough energy to do is sit in front of the TV? And then you fall asleep?

We are doing ourselves no favors by forgetting that God gave us one day each week to rest and refresh. On that day we should be enjoying our families, moving closer to Him through prayer or spiritual reading, and expressing our creative, fun side. Take one day a week, or start with part of a day, for growth and renewal. Snatch a few minutes each day for yourself. Don’t work through your vacation time. You need it. Your family needs it!

 

4. Perhaps we aren’t calm because our relationship with God is weak. How can we trust someone we don’t know?

 

Matthew Kelly writes about a very dependable way to deepen any relationship, be it with God, spouse, best friend, or children. He calls it, Carefree Timelessness. By this he means spending time without an agenda, simply to enjoy someone’s company. No matter what the relationship, increase carefree timelessness and it will deepen.

Remember being newly in love? How you could spend hours together without needing to accomplish anything? Remember the last time you felt really close to and connected with someone? Were you enjoying carefree timelessness? Probably so.

Spend some carefree timelessness with God. Visit Him in church, or sit in an easy chair near a window and turn your attention to Him. Recognize you are in His presence always and everywhere. Chat with Him. And listen.

 

I end this exploration of Calm with a disclaimer. Don’t expect to remain spiritually calm, even when you obey God’s nudges. We will find peace from obedience, but in my experience, it won’t be long before God nudges us back out of our new comfort zone and encourages us toward more growth. Then He will lead us to more joy!

Happy Easter!