Needs, Talents, and Desires

Last week we discussed that we search for meaning again and again as we pass through different phases in our lives. At any point we may ask, “What am I called to do in this phase of my life? What is my vocation?” The answer may be different than it was ten years ago.

How do we find our direction?

Matthew Kelly, in his book, The Three Ordinary Voices of God, says there are voices God uses to help us discover what His particular will is for us. Kelly says God speaks to each of us, individually, every day, using many sources, from the books we read, to the people we meet, the dreams we dream, or our own ponderings. But He speaks to us individually through the needs, the talents, and the desires He gives us. We are in danger of mis-living our lives, Kelly says, unless we strive to focus our needs, talents, and desires on doing what God wants us to do to become the best versions of ourselves as well as great gifts to the world. Kelly encourages us to decide in each moment to choose to make it a holy moment, by placing it in the service of God.

God’s voices: We have a variety of needs, from physical, to intellectual, to emotional, and spiritual. We must honor these needs in order to be healthy, strong, growing in knowledge, and growing closer to God and others. We should eat a healthy diet, sleep enough, and exercise regularly, in order to be well enough to help people. Intellectually, we must continue learning. Emotionally, we need to maintain relationships with our family, our friends, and our God. Spiritually, we move closer to Him as we spend time in, as Kelly calls it, “the classroom of silence.” To find meaning in our lives, we need prayer time so that we can learn to discern what God is calling us to do.

Next there are our talents. Kelly believes that “we are capable of doing one thing better than any other person alive at this time in history.” He says we will discover our particular genius through two signs: joy and a feeling of timelessness. When we find our passion, following it brings such joy that time seems to pause as we pursue it.

Kelly says, though, “It isn’t enough to discover our talents. The next step is to discern how God wishes us to express those talents in the world at this moment in history.” He assures us that we have abundant talents, and the perfect mix of talents to fulfill the mission and life God intended for us. Some are for use right now. Some we will “leave dormant for another season.” Some talents are universal; everybody has them, such as the ability to make a difference in other people’s lives. Don’t discount a talent simply because it is universal. Yet some talents are unique and these can bring us great joy and even lead to what the world sees as success. But success is not enough to give us a deep sense of purpose.

Kelly asks, “Why do people who are tremendously successful, who have become mind-blowingly famous and wealthy, people who could do whatever they wanted or nothing at all, why, almost universally, do they try to make a difference in other people’s lives?” He says for Meaning. We can’t live a meaningful life by filling it with things and meaningless activities. People focus on making a difference in others’ lives because their lives feel empty without doing so.

He says, “Our true humanity is realized through acts of kindness, empathy, compassion, generosity and service to others. Only by exploring our profound interconnectedness are we able to fully experience what it means to be human.” He quotes Nigerian author and Nobel laureate, Wole Soyinka, who observed, “You cannot become fully human until you start living for others.”

So, what is the third voice God uses to speak to us? Our desires motivate and inspire us, but the desires that are self-focused and shallow need to be set aside to find our deepest desires. He says, “Each time we choose to live out our deeper desires, we expand our capacity for everything that is good, true, right, just and noble. When we side with our shallow and superficial desires, our capacity for these things contracts. […] The world needs people who want the right things for the right reasons.” He adds that people often ask, “What do you think I should do with my life?” But this isn’t a question for others. Rather it is a question best directed toward God in prayer.

He assures us that when we ask what we should do with our lives, if we listen to God speaking to us through our needs, talents, and desires, then the direction we are seeking will emerge.

(Kelly cautions that as you ask yourself what matters, your future might be less busy than what you are currently doing. You may need to simplify your activities in order to focus on the vital few.)

So, ponder your needs, talents, and deepest desires this week. Take the conversation to God.

Blessings on your week, and thank you for your attention,

Betty Arrigotti

Searching for Meaning

Welcome to this Lent’s posts, focused on Searching for Meaning. We will explore the subject each Friday during Lent.

Perhaps it is human nature to search for the meaning of our lives. Perhaps it is a God-given trait that encourages us to grow or reach out. While some may ask, “Is this all there is?” others ask, “How can I do or be more?” Many conclude that we add meaning to our lives when we make something beautiful, or help others, or accomplish a goal.

There are seasons in our lives when the questions resurface, and we repeatedly search for ways to enhance meaning in our lives. As teens we wonder what our direction in life should be. We start discovering what we excel at, or what gives us inner joy. Will I go to college, trade school, or take a year to “find myself?”

A few years later we might be weighing which job will give us more satisfaction, or which person will be our life partner. As young parents, we hope there will eventually be more to life than diapers and tight budgets. We also may wonder how to direct our children toward a life of values. The question of meaning or direction may rise again as we become empty nesters, especially if we have found most of our value through parenting.

Perhaps by middle age we have become established, or even financially successful. Maybe what we thought would bring us happiness still feels like something is missing. The thought might again haunt us, “Is this all there is?” Many people at this stage become philanthropists or volunteers, using the blessings they’ve received to help others. Others may meet with mid-life crises and they derive meaning in their suffering by being an example of endurance and acceptance. Then, if we are blessed with retirement and old age, we ask again, “How do I bring meaning to my life now that I’m not working or not as capable?”

Great minds have studied these questions. Humanists encourage us to find our passion or calling or vocation and then use it to help others. Theologians direct us to bring God into the discussion. “Lord, what would You have me do?” Some have made their advice more individual. If God created me to be unique among His creations, perhaps there is a unique way He wants me to serve Him and others. We seek our vocation. I have long been taken with a quote from Frederick Buechner describing vocation as “the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” I suspect we are serving best when we follow Pablo Picasso’s advice, “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

So, I believe searching for meaning involves searching our hearts and God’s will for a calling that brings us great joy and then using that gift to help others. At different stages in our lives, we may focus on different passions or values, but let’s keep striving to be and do the best we can. Then, in our final days, we can look back without regret. We hope to say with St. Paul, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7 NIV

In the weeks ahead, we will look to a variety of writers to see how they recommend we add meaning to our lives. In the meantime, let’s spend a little extra time in prayer, asking God to lead us to know His will.