I was delighted to read a review by Editor Ed Langlois in last week’s diocesan newspaper, Catholic Sentinel! Here are a few excerpts and the link in case you’d like to read the whole article:
Portland Catholic author Betty Arrigotti has offered a new novel in which the Blessed Virgin Mary appears in our fair city quietly to help a grieving woman. It’s a lively and fulfilling read.
Arrigotti’s depiction of Mary as a joyful Middle Easterner in headscarf satisfies both those with a longstanding devotion and those who may have been put off by a sanitized and Caucasian-ized version. Those who love Mary know she is more than a pretty statue, but a strong woman bent on doing God’s will and justice, as the Magnificat prayer indicates.
“Miriam’s Joy” has a literally explosive opening. The first sections also contain a mystery. While this reader wishes the ambiguity had been carried at least a few more chapters, Arrigotti does show admirable restraint. Mary doesn’t glow in the sky or make the evening news, but instead works kindly and firmly in the everyday life of Portlanders. That’s indeed how God and God’s partners seem to act.
It’s all told in Arrigotti’s clean and expert prose and reflects what we can presume is the author’s knowledge of life’s trials, such as losing loved ones and working out relationships. Arrigotti writes with authenticity about the human experience.
The book’s mix of spiritual and human seems just right.
Arrigotti is a skilled crafter of vignettes. In this book, she uses them to show how Mary helps connect people, which seems like just what Mary would do.
Thank you, Ed Langlois! You made my week! Hopefully a sequel novel will be available before long!
Behind in reading these Lenten posts? I’ll include a quick summary of highlights below. But first, a short discussion of grandparents and support.
Support
Sometimes grandparenting involves unexpected circumstances. On Monday, one of our grandchildren needed to be admitted at the hospital. That evening, her siblings came to stay with us for a couple of nights. We always love having them but had started a huge project in several rooms, so first worked to get the house ready, putting away temptations and making up beds. Then we focused on thoroughly enjoying the time we shared. The hospital stay is over, with the best of possible outcomes, and the children have gone home. What we thought might be a quick socially-distanced outdoor visit during Easter weekend turned into an extended in-home Holy Week gift of time. I think God laughs at our carefully made plans and occasionally treats us to more than we had hoped.
We were blessed to be a support system for our daughter’s family in her time of need. Her sisters became a support for us as one ran errands to help out, and another sent ideas to entertain the little ones. We all, occasionally, need to support or be supported. Letting someone help you when you need it is a gift to them. They can feel the joy of doing a good deed. Why would we deny someone the chance to be a giver? Don’t rob people of the blessing that comes from helping others.
We can be resources for other grandparents and encourage them with ideas or experiences that have worked for us. Please leave comments if you have fun grandparenting ideas or tips to overcome challenges.
Summary of Earlier Grandparenting Highlights by Week
The grandparent/grandchild relationship is a treasure. We can love and support our grandchildren without the parental responsibility of discipline and the worry for their future. We can simply enjoy who they are now. Our hard-won wisdom and experience can be used to assist their parents, when requested.
Grandparenting well can be seen as a ministry, whether you pass on your faith overtly, or through your example of living your values. Let’s become the best people God created us to be, so that our grandchildren can look up to us and see someone worth emulating.
Challenges come with grandparenting, from distance, to changing times, to welcoming blended families. Make the effort to stay connected, to support your children in their parenting styles, and to treat all the grandchildren equitably, whether born into your family or welcomed later. Keep communication open so trouble spots can be dealt with graciously.
Pray for your grandchildren, pray in front of your grandchildren, and pray with your grandchildren, with your children’s permission.
We grandparents are the historians and storytellers for our grandchildren. We are their connection to the past. Delight them with stories of their younger years, their parents as children, and your own childhood.
Listen well to your grandchildren, gifting them with your full attention. Model being a forgiving person. Forgive them, their parents, and yourself. Be quick to ask for forgiveness when you are wrong.
Be readily willing to help your children and grandchildren. Accept assistance from them graciously. Be supportive of other grandparents.
Pope Francis recently announced the institution of World Day for Grandparents and the Elderly, which will take place each year on the fourth Sunday in July, close to the feast of Sts. Joachim and Anne, the grandparents of Jesus. Pope Francis said, “The Holy Spirit even today stirs up thoughts and words of wisdom in the elderly. The voice of the elderly is precious, because it sings the praises of God and preserves the roots of the peoples.” The Holy Father said he instituted the World Day of Grandparents and the Elderly because “grandparents are often forgotten, and we forget this wealth of preserving roots and passing on” what the elderly have received.
Blessed Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter Sunday! May we be a resurrection people. Resurrection originally meant to stand up or rise again. May we stand up for ourselves, for our loved ones, and for those who need our support. May we stand against evil. May we rise to Love!
One of the blessings of grandparenting, especially after retirement, is we have the gift of time. We are able to stop and listen to our grandchildren. It’s a wonderful experience to be heard, to have someone pause what they are doing, make eye contact, and give us their full attention. We can and should do that for everyone, but especially children. They need the connection that true listening brings. I know it is tempting to nod while they talk and carry on with what we are doing, but like we were taught to do at railroad crossings, to stop, look, and listen is a simple, yet powerful gift. You know when people aren’t giving you their full attention. So do your grandchildren. If you hope to be their confidant, really listen every time they talk to you.
Being their confidant can be complicated. Still, it is an important lesson for children to learn that talking about their problems can be the beginning of finding a solution. They may ask you not to tell their parents what they are about to say. Assure them that you will keep their words to yourself, unless someone is in danger. If what they say must be relayed to a parent, encourage them to do so, and offer to be with them when they do.
However, usually our task of listening is less serious. It’s more a matter of attending to what matters to them. And my, they do chatter so rapidly sometimes! Or two or three of them try simultaneously. If you are struggling to make clarity out of their words, it might be time to set pride aside and have your hearing tested. Or, as my children used to say, “listen faster!”
Listening to another is a true gift to them. So is forgiving.
Forgiveness
Last week our deacon talked about the myth of Redemptive Violence, our human nature’s reaction to being wronged. It feels momentarily so good to release our righteous anger and strike back, or give the silent treatment, or break off all communication. After all, they hurt us!
Yet, Jesus didn’t do that. Tortured and being slowly murdered, He said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)
Our loved ones, our family, hurt us, too. Sometimes over and over. But how can we ask God’s forgiveness without forgiving them?
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seventimes, but seventy–seventimes.” (Matthew 18:22)
Perhaps your child has rejected your faith, or advice, or upbringing. Maybe they’ve brought you humiliation. Alternatively, perhaps you have hurt your child in the past and felt too righteous, or even too ashamed to ask for forgiveness. Either break in your connection undoubtedly affects your relationship with your grandchildren, maybe even prohibiting it.
In The Catholic Grandparents Handbook, Lorene Hanley Duquin states, “When we seek forgiveness, we admit that we were wrong, we accept responsibility for what we have done, and we learn from the experience so that we don’t make the same mistake again. When we forgive, we acknowledge that we have been hurt, but we choose to let go of anger, resentment, and negative thoughts that can harden our hearts and make us bitter. Chances are, your grandchildren are already learning powerful lessons about forgiveness—not by anything you’ve said, but by how you’ve dealt with difficult situations in your own life.” (p.116-117)
Lent is an opportunity for us to examine our consciences. Maybe it is time to forgive and be more like the loving father than the elder brother of the prodigal son. (Luke 15:11-32) Open your arms (and heart) and run to your loved one, either asking forgiveness or granting it.
Here are steps that help me when I’m struggling to let go of bitterness or resentment:
Acknowledge the anger and hurt we feel, at least to ourselves. If possible, we should voice it calmly right away to the person who hurt us.
Don’t continue to “lick the wound.” Dogs can reopen an injury by doing this, and so do we when we dwell or obsess on wrongs. Practice “thought stopping” when you find yourself ruminating and instead—
Pray for the person who hurt you. Place them in God’s care. Remind yourself you want to be a forgiver.
Duquin continues, “Forgiveness is not always easy. But it is always the right thing to do. It is one of the most important lessons your grandchildren will ever learn, because it is closely connected to the ability to love and be loved.” (p. 121)
One of my daughters is actively teaching her preschool children how to apologize and forgive. She overheard this conversation:
5-year-old son: I’m so, so sorry.
3-year-old daughter: Do I forgive you?
5-year-old son: Yes. You do.
If only it were that easy, right?
But we could learn a lot from Saint (Mother) Teresa and her Humility List:
December 27, 2021 3:33 pm | 
