China Trip 2010

August 29 Sunday Shanghai, China

I flew from 10am Friday until 5 pm Saturday local time. Yet it was daylight outside the airplane window the whole time! It seems logical when you think about chasing the sun, but I sure didn’t expect it. I can’t complain about the long flight, though. The poor woman in the window seat was motion sick the whole time and so my tiredness doesn’t compare.

We arrived an hour early and customs took only 5 minutes, so I was ready and waiting by the time my husband arrived to meet me at the airport. From the terminal we rode Maglev (magnetic levitation?) for about 12 minutes. It is an elevated train that traveled at 430 kph(267 mph)! Fastest train in the world at the moment. Then we transferred to a taxi the rest of the way to our hotel. It’s a very nice 5 star hotel, thanks to hubby’s employer. We’re on the 30th floor with access to the 33rd floor’s executive lounge where we eat breakfast and dinner included. I went to bed at 7pm and slept until 7am.

Sunday we had a relaxing morning. We walked through a small park across the street from the hotel. Then we taxied to St. Peter’s Church for the noon Mass which is in English. Typical of churches here, according to Husband, we climbed to the 3rd floor of the building to get to the actual church. Offices and a smaller chapel take up the first two floors. We are always amazed how much the same Mass is all over the world. We felt right at home with the songs, even. Getting a taxi afterwards is a challenge but we saw a metro sign and walked a few blocks to the subway.

We rode the subway to the expensive shopping area, specifically a street named Nanjing Road. Most of it is for pedestrians only and we joined thousands of people strolling the area. Probably a dozen people asked us if we wanted to buy bags, iPods, watches, or DVDs. I tired pretty quickly (well, I had been walking most of the day and it was about 4pm) so we returned to the hotel. On the way we decided to eat at the hotel, then go out to see ERA, a circus of acrobats.

What an amazing show! People bend and balance in amazing combinations, of course, but also dive through hoops, bounce up onto each other 4 people high, balance on rolling platforms while using their feet to toss bowls onto their head, stacking them to ten high. The grand finale is 7 motorcyclists who ride around inside a mesh sphere without killing each other!

All that and I’d only been here a little over 24 hours!

August 30, Monday in Suzhou and Zhou Zhuang

Today was my first tour while Good Husband went to work. I left at 9am and spent the majority of the day 90 minutes away from Shanghai in Suzhou, the garden city of China. Our city’s Chinese Garden is modeled after the first garden we visited, The Garden of the Humble Administrator. It blends the four elements of rock, water, plants, and buildings beautifully. It dates from 500 years ago. From there we walked to the Lion Forest Garden. The standout feature in this garden is collection of the porous rock with holes that forms under water. The rocks are all taken from Tai Lake and these particular rocks were chosen because parts of them look like lions. In fact, they say there are over 500 lions in the rock formations throughout the park. Like Humble Administrator, there are also beautiful pagoda style houses, lotus ponds, rainbow shaped bridges, and happy, camera wielding people.

We ate lunch and then toured a silk factory and watched all the steps from silk worms eating mulberry leaves, to sorting cocoons, to steaming, and unwinding. One in 5 cocoons has 2 pupae inside and can’t be unwound the way a single cocoon can. These are opened and 8 are combined and then stretched over and over until they make one very fine layer (one of thousands) in a quilt. The single cocoons are unwound into one mile of thread each, then 8 threads are spun into the fine threads that are woven into silk fabric.

The tour ended, of course, in a giant store with rooms for quilts, scarves, fans, framed embroideries, and clothing. I had a little too much fun there, but the prices were amazingly reasonable.

Next we drove to Zhou Zhuang, a water village that could be called the Venice of the Orient. Boats similar to the gondolas of Venice are steered with a long oar by standing women. Our tour included a ride through the canals of the little town, past shops and weeping willows on the sides, and under rainbow bridges overhead.

The two cities today are like traditional China was 50 years ago, and centuries ago. I’m so glad I was able to experience them. Shanghai is very much like big cities all over the world. But perhaps I am only saying that because I haven’t taken the Shanghai tour yet. That’s tomorrow morning. I’ll tell you all about it next!

August 31 Shanghai

This was a day of mistakes. I bought a tiny clay teapot that I thought was 120 yuan, or $18.  Decided to get 2 for that price. Only after I signed the credit card receipt did I discover each was 580 yuan, so almost $90! They are just little tiny teapots, brown clay that would only hold one cup of water, if that. I feel sick whenever I think about it. I objected but gave up too soon. I felt stupid but am telling myself I was just confused and tired.

We had started off around 8:30, after picking up more people from other hotels. Our first stop was Yuyuan Garden which loosely translates into a phrase that means honoring one’s parents because the man who built it 450 years ago (finished in 1577) did it for his father. That is what good sons do if they become rich; they build a garden home for their parents. A garden here includes various buildings for a family to live in and entertain from, beautiful ponds and waterfalls, and paths that wind between lovely trees and courtyards.

Everything in ancient times had meaning – a bilboa tree was planted because they can live 1000 years so they signify long life. A magnolia means happiness, so the two trees planted near each other they portend a happy, long life. Bats are named with a word that when spoken in a different tone means happiness, so they are often depicted near a symbol that means long life. Or near a turtle, which also means long life. Cranes and mallards depict lifelong love, since they mate for life. Dragons, of course, are lucky and the Chinese dragons spew water instead of fire so they bring the rain and make good harvests. In the buildings there are often two items on a mantle – a mirror and a vase, whose names together mean “speak softly in my home.” The furnishings in these buildings were from the Ming or Qing dynasties. Ming furniture is very graceful and has thin lines. Qing (pronounced Ching) is heavily ornate. Some of you will remember Aunt Katie’s elaborate wood chairs of that style. The Qing dynasty was the final one and dates to 1911.

Every tour takes us through several “opportunities” to buy from reputable businesses. Today we learned how fresh water pearls are made and, of course, the lesson released us into a vast store with 5 times as many people waiting to serve as would be in any US store. I smiled (to myself) when they told us they had a “special price just for you.” At least I wasn’t as tempted there as at the silk shop because Husband has been so good to us with bringing pearls back from his previous trips. I was interested though to learn how to quickly tell fake from real pearls. You rub them together gently and they feel gritty if they are real. If you keep rubbing they make an ashy powder that rubs off with no damage.

The second “opportunity” was a tea shop where a lovely young lady demonstrated the art of making tea and we were able to taste several kinds. They used a cup whose dragon and phoenix change color when the tea is ready. They also demonstrated tea flowers that open or bloom in a glass as the tea brews. That was where I made the teapot mistake.

Somewhere in between sight-seeing stops we also were offered jade for sale. Other places we drove and sometimes walked through were the Bund and the French Concession. These are neighborhoods where Europeans came and built their own neighborhoods with their own architecture styles. The Concession part of the name refers to when Shanghai was divided up between America, France, and England. Here I get confused about when things happened in history, but I believe it was at the end of the Opium War. China was “liberated” in 1949 and all the foreigners were sent home.

On the east side of the river is Pudong, a financial center with sky scrapers that are all under 20 years old. The Pearl Tower is a very recognizable landmark there. It rises 1535 feet and has multiple spheres at various heights. It holds a hotel, a revolving restaurant, a shopping mall, and several observation decks. It also functions as a radio/TV tower.

After the stop to look across the river at the Pudong area, I taxied back to the hotel to rest a bit before I’d head to the airport. The plan had been that I could stay in my room until 2pm, the latest allowed checkout time. Unfortunately, when I got to my room it was being cleaned already. Sigh.

Instead I made my way downstairs, hungry and exhausted. The humidity and heat here are unrelenting and take away any energy you wake with. I decided to eat at the hotel restaurant, rather than walk in the rain a few blocks to a Starbucks Husband recommended for lunch. Another expensive mistake. I opted for the buffet without checking the price. I nearly choked when the bill came for 340 yuan, or $51!

But now I’m safely at the airport and through security ready to fly to Yantai. Unfortunately, they are expecting a typhoon to hit tonight so chances are high we won’t’ make it again. We were supposed to fly from there to Beijing tomorrow so if flights are cancelled we’ll try a train. Things which are strikingly different here:

More common than cars, though there are enough of those for traffic jams, many people commute on bikes, motorcycles, and motorized bikes. The bikes are often rusted beyond any indication of color. They frequently are tricycles or have trailers that carry huge loads. It isn’t unusual to see a small family all balanced on a tiny scooter.

The women wear sparkly clothes or feminine chiffon when they dress up. And sparkly hair decorations.

Women my age often wear nylon anklets with their sandals.

Women carry umbrellas or parasols to shade from the sun.

There is visible air pollution that I thought was fog. Today with the rain it dissipated.

Great deference is shown to elderly. Young people give up their seats on the subway immediately when someone around 70 or older enters.

Smiles can be a sign of nervousness or embarrassment. The tour guide yesterday checked to see if I was ok because I was smiling so much.

People generally live in high rise buildings. Hundreds of apartment buildings are clustered together with more being built all the time. And not just in a downtown area but for at least an hour’s drive away from the city.

If you go to Starbucks, I’m told by the tour guide, you are considered very wealthy. Yet they are very popular here, too.

The sun sets around 6:30pm in early September. We think that is because the whole giant country uses one time zone.

Most of the “facilities” here are a porcelain fixture flush with the floor. People here squat to relax, so have developed muscles I haven’t. Squatting to use the bathroom is ok, but getting up can be a challenge. Ironically, they have emergency call buttons in the few bathrooms with a toilet because those are for the weak.

When there is toilet paper, it is often one large dispenser by the sinks. I never remember to take what I need before entering the stall. I’ve treasured the small packs of tissue that fit in a pocket.

Sept 1 Wednesday Yantai

Today is making up for my mishaps yesterday. I was nervous about filling a day by myself in this little seaside city. There aren’t the English subtitles written under most signs like in Shanghai.

Last night we did finally arrive by plane in Yantai, though we left 2 hours late. No signs of the 3 typhoons expected yet, other than light rain in the morning and evening.

After Husband left the hotel for work this morning I packed and turned my bags over to the concierge desk. I asked for advice about what to do until 4pm and she put me in a taxi to arrive at a museum, which sounded fine since it was raining. It turned out to be a wine museum, though, which I didn’t really want to spend time on. But the museum was within view of the ocean so I was set. It stopped raining just in time and I walked to a large paved area where people were fishing over the railing into the ocean. No beach, but I’m not a sunbather so that was fine. I could see in the distance a lighthouse and a Chinese-style gazebo with the gracefully curved roofs overlooking the ocean so I started walking that direction.

It turns out they are part of a park with a small entry fee. I was able to wander for 4 hours and see old homes and consulates, beautiful gardens, glimpses of the ocean, small temples with Buddha statues and burning incense, and finally the lighthouse and pagoda. An unexpected treat was a suspension bridge with chain rails. All along the rail metal padlocks in the shape of red hearts were attached to the links. Hundreds of them. It is called the Love Oath Bridge. The keyhole-less locks signify a permanent vow.

The pagoda was on an outcrop of rock and afforded great views of the ocean and some distant islands. Very picturesque. Of course I took lots of photos.

Speaking of pictures, picture this. My hair had frizzed because the morning was so humid. Add wind from the open taxi window to that. Next mix in sweating so much I had to stop to wipe my face off with a Kleenex. There I was standing next to a garbage can so I could throw away the tissue, hot, sweaty, with wild hair. And yes, even then an older smiling, nodding couple motioned to ask me if the lady could be in a photo with me. Foreigners, let alone redheads, are very unusual for people from outside the cities to see. I’ve already posed with many children who look at me and then at their camera-focusing parents like they can’t believe what they’ve been asked to do.

After the park I needed to change a large bill so I could take a taxi back to the hotel. I found a small museum of time (rooms of clocks from over the ages). Some ran on sand, others water, others rolled down an incline in 24 hours. Very interesting! And a good place to get refreshed. (I’m always concerned about finding restrooms when I’m sightseeing. Such an old lady!)

I caught a taxi, giving the driver the card the hotel provides with their name, number and directions. It says something like, “Please take me home.” Now I’ve been in the lobby waiting for Husband. I’ve had a nice piece of cake and green tea to tide me over until dinner and give me an excuse for sitting in the lobby café.

Our next step is a flight tonight to Beijing! I can’t believe I just wrote that line and that it is really true!

Sept 2 Beijing Thursday

We arrived too late on Wednesday to sign up for a tour, so Husband suggested I spend the day at the Cultural Museum. I puttered around the room in the morning ironing, repacking, and generally organizing. I finally realized I was stalling. I didn’t look forward to going out on my own in the city. Maybe I foresaw it would be a day of mishaps. But I forced myself, and with the concierge’s help, set off in a taxi toward the museum.

The hotel gave the driver orders and I thought I’d be delivered to the door. Unfortunately, he pulled over and motioned for me to take a skywalk across the street, to save him from going around a few blocks to get me on the correct side of the street. No problem. I paid him and got out, only to find that the crosswalk was closed. I crossed on street level, which is a terrifying experience. Right turners don’t stop at red lights and figure pedestrians will get out of their way. I made it safely to the sidewalk and then realized I had no idea which building was the museum. No signs in English. Sigh. I walked a while until I figured I’d gone too far one way and went back the other way. I did need to cross another street before I found an odd building with a banner that looked like it could be a museum and, thank heaven, was.

I wandered more in the museum but most displays didn’t have English explanations so I just looked at anything visually interesting. Halfway through the place, I realized I had missed lunch and was hungry. They had a tea room that sounded like it would do the trick but it only served tea (even though the sign did have English that said free dessert treats given with the tea.) No one there spoke English though, so I figured it wouldn’t do any good to pursue the matter. Instead I nibbled on the one little box of raisins I had in my backpack.

At about 4 I was feeling very tired and just about out of courage. I tried for a while to catch a taxi (I realized I’d never done that alone before), and when I finally did, I got in, gave him my hotel card and he gave it back motioning no, I needed to cross the street to take a taxi going the other direction. Normally that wouldn’t have unnerved me, but I’ll plead exhaustion because I was nearly in tears. I did cross and got another taxi, feeling relief that I’d soon be delivered to the hotel door.

When he stopped and I got out, I realized I had arrived in the dark, so didn’t have a good idea of the appearance of the hotel. If I had, I’d have realized he was dropping me at the wrong building. I was in the China World complex, looking for the China World Hotel, but standing in front of China World Office #2. I thought that was the last straw and really struggled to pull myself together. After all, I didn’t feel like I was in any danger, just totally frustrated and worn down.

I called Husband, who was in the hotel room and told him what had happened. I walked a ways and could see the name of our hotel way at the top of an inner building, but even with another half hour of circling I couldn’t make my way into the hotel. It turns out the lobby door is 3 stories up a car ramp and not visible from street level. Neither is any door to the hotel. From street level you enter a shopping mall that is connected to the hotel and then finally there are signs to the lobby. But I didn’t figure that out until Husband got help from the hotel staff to figure out how to get to me.

By the time he did find me I was starving, frustrated, self-pitying, and very relieved to see him. We ate at a café within view (I was not about to venture out any more) and then I headed to bed.

Sept 3 Beijing Emperor’s Tour

I was met by a Grayline tour guide in my lobby and returned safely 8 hours later. No worries; the entire day was organized and guided so I only needed to follow, listen, and enjoy.

We were a group of 8: 2 from Germany, 1 from Columbia, and 4 from Hong Kong who took the English tour because they speak Cantonese, not Mandarin. I’m told that in early days of the Communist Regime a vote was taken whether to make the national language Cantonese or Mandarin. Mandarin won by one vote.

Our first stop was the Forbidden City, the Ming Dynasty’s palace complex since it was built in 1420. Emperor Ming did things in a big way: he had 3000 wives and concubines. The city encompasses 9000 rooms on 180 acres. In 1949 when China was “liberated” from the Nationals who fled to Taiwan, the Nationals took more than 1,000,000 artifacts from the Forbidden City. They are still in museums in Taiwan, so not available to see here. However, the buildings, rooms, and courtyards are impressive anyway. And it is just a cool feeling to be in a place that was never seen by anyone other than the emperors’ servants and officials for more than 500 years. It was only opened to the public in 1961.

We walked through Tiananmen Square, which is in front of the Forbidden City and can hold a half million people. They say it is the largest city square in the world. No one speaks of what Tiananmen Square is famous for everywhere else in the world.

Everything in the Forbidden City is square, from courtyards to buildings. The Chinese people believed the earth was square. The city’s main colors are red, the happy color, and yellow, the royal color because the land was the Emperor’s and the land/soil here is yellow.

 In contrast, we next travelled to the Heavenly Temple where the buildings are decorated in blue, the color of heaven and are round, the shape of heaven. The temple was built as a location to honor the ancestors and the emperors were supposed to visit and pay homage there three times each year. It is surrounded by a lovely park the local people enjoy. They were playing with children, dancing to musicians, and taking in the beauty.

Next on our royal tour was the summer palace, about 50 kilometers outside Beijing. It’s ancient but in the 1800s Empress Cixi decided to rebuild it. She took the money that was meant to build up the navy and used it on the palace and gardens instead. The tour guide told us the Japanese overthrew the navy subsequently and fought for domination over China for decades. Cixi declared the lake in the center of the palace garden to be hers alone. Anyone who touched it lost the offending foot, hand, or head. Pearls were harvested from the oysters in the lake and she had them ground and made into a cream for her skin. (Lancôme and local sales people are still doing this today.) She was carried to the lake every morning for tea. For each meal she is said to have ordered 1200 different foods brought to her and she would choose one or two, demanding the rest be thrown away.

In the garden is a pretty covered wooden walkway about a half mile long, where a previous empress walked in the 1700s, protected from the weather. It is decorated with 14,000 different paintings.

At the end of the walk is boat-shaped pavilion made of marble. From this point, halfway around the lake our tour boarded dragon boats that would hold about 50 people and had a large head in the front and tail in the rear. Reminded me of my daughter’s dragon boat racing days and I wished she could see these boats. The boat docked at the end of a 17-arched bridge. In a large pavilion nearby, musicians were playing traditional woodwind instruments. It was the kind of atmosphere that made me want to sit and enjoy the moment. Unfortunately tour guides keep you moving (so that we would have time to visit another silk factory store, of course), but I did manage to buy CDs from the musicians. Two for $5.

I thoroughly enjoyed today’s royal tour. I was able to see some of the ancient China that we picture when we think of this country. I’m definitely glad I live today and not under the emperors!

Sept 4 Ming Tombs & Great Wall

We woke this morning to beautiful sunshine, a rarity here that the pollution usually hides. Our tour guide “Jacky” met us at 8:10 in the lobby and led us to his bus. We picked up only 2 more tourists at a single hotel. One was the engineer from Columbia who took the tour with me yesterday.

Even though this is Saturday, the traffic was slow. Jacky explained that 1800 new cars are purchased in Beijing every day. Those are new drivers, not replacement cars, for the most part. I think he also said China built 60 million cars last year and it didn’t satisfy demand!

We first toured the Ming Tombs. The location was selected by the third Ming emperor after his Feng Shui experts travelled for 3 years looking for the perfect location. It’s easy to see why this valley was chosen. It is surrounded by giant mountain “guardians,” including one that looks like a dragon and one that looks like a tiger. A pretty river runs through the valley and fruit trees thrive. Thirteen of the 16 Ming Dynasty emperors are buried here, each in his own part of the valley. We only visited one tomb, which in this case included a pretty garden with 3 sets of gates, several pagoda type buildings, an aromatic  grand memorial hall made of sandalwood, and a man-made mountain that hides the tunnels and rooms of the real tomb. No one knows where the entrance might be and that is the point, to leave the emperor in peace.

Most of the grand buildings, palaces, and temples here and in Japan are built of wood, even though there were master stone cutters. Wood survives earthquakes better. It doesn’t do so well with fire, of course, and lightening destroyed the Heavenly Temple less than 100 years ago. Still, they rebuild and the tradition continues.

A few interesting emperor stories from the tour guide. I think the Ming Dynasty ran from the 1200s to the 1600s roughly. Emperor #3 moved the capital from Nanjing to Beijing to be near the majority of his army, who were located to defend from the Mongolians to the north. He built the Forbidden City as well as beginning the tomb location here. Emperor 6 was captured by enemies, so emperor 7 took over. Then the enemies returned #6 but #7 wouldn’t relinquish the thrown to him, calling him a retired emperor. Number 7 died a few years later and was buried in the tomb he had prepared. But #6 had his revenge. He became emperor again, had #7’s tomb destroyed and had him reburied in the lowly prince style.

After that stop we took the prerequisite sales stop. This time it was in a Jade store/factory where they educated us on the process of turning jade stone into works of beauty. (Oh, and how to tell real jade from fake – by the sound of ringing when tapped with a coin, and the wisps of cloud when held to the light.) I didn’t realize before that it can come in white, yellow, dark or light green. A subset of jade that is extremely hard and more valuable is called jadite. This factory specializes in balls they call “happy,” “lucky,” or “unity” balls. Through intricate steps they carve a single hunk of jade into many concentric spheres that can spin independently from each other. They signify unity, especially of a family, because they cannot be separated.

After shopping and a lunch in the typical Chinese manner (many dishes on a giant lazy susan in the center of the table that people pull pieces from with their chopsticks and either set them on their plate or eat right away), we drove to the Great Wall. Turns out there are many parts of it accessible near Beijing. Normally tours go to Badaling, but traffic was moving so slowly our guide opted to take us to another access called Juyongguan which is closer but not quite so tourist friendly. The wall here is VERY steep. I hadn’t realized people climb the wall (not as in climb up the side but climb it’s path.) There’s a Chinese saying that you aren’t a man (or hero) until you have climbed the wall.

The wall was built over many centuries, beginning with fortified city walls that were extended under the first Qin emperor in the 5th century BC to protect his united China. Portions continued to be rebuilt or added through the 15th century. Actual wall sections (not counting river and steep mountain barriers) are thought to total almost 4000 miles, most of it running along the southern edge of Mongolia.

The wall varies in width at the top but usually is wide enough for 2 people to walk side by side. Or should I say climb. At this mountain pass the wall rise steeply from the valley floor to the mountain peaks on each side of the river. This is accomplished with irregular and unlevel steps that vary in height from about 4 inches to 24 inches! By the time I’d gone up a hundred steps with many as high as my knee, I realized again I’m not in great shape. I was too tired to appreciate a sign that in broken English warned us to watch out for cardiac dysfunction. Still, there is a euphoria that sets in when you’ve made it back down safely. We’ve tackled one of the wonders of the world.

Sept 5 Xi’an Museum

We started the day at 5:15 and made it to the airport fairly quickly because it was so early. But then we spent a long time in a line to check in. When we finally made it to the gate boarding was just beginning. We rode a bus from the gate to the plane. 15 minutes later a second bus arrived and the plane filled. Then we sat on the tarmac for 90 minutes before take-off. So far none of our flights have left less than 90 minutes late.

But we had no deadlines today so Husband slept and I read. We finally did fly for about 90 minutes over green hills and mountains, landing in Xi’an, about 600 miles west of Beijing. Xi’an was the capital of China for 26 emperors, long before Nanjing or Beijing became capitals. It is a walled city from ancient times and they are very proud of their history. We came to see the famous terra cotta warriors and horses but that’s tomorrow’s story. Today we visited the provincial museum and really enjoyed it. They even had audio tour devices we could listen to in English!

We saw artifacts from China’s long history, starting with a one million year old human skull. We walked past ancient pottery, tools, and decorations. We saw models of old tombs and watched as art and technology progressed over the years, down through the dynasties. We marveled at 3000 year old bronze hinges and early gold coins. Silk pieces are saved from 2000 years ago. My favorite artifact was a wine pitcher (shaped like a tea pot) that was filled upside down through a hole in the bottom, and then because of a tube inside you could turn the pitcher right side up without any wine leaking out the bottom hole.

From the museum we knew we could walk to the Big Wild Goose Pagoda and managed to find it, and the lovely surrounding park. We arrived just in time for the “fountain performance” and watched a fountain spray in relation to music. Think Disneyland type show, but this fountain must have been at least as long as 2 or 3 football fields. Maybe as wide as one, also. After watching for about 15 minutes we kept walking through the park. At the end of the park we found a little mall with familiar fast food restaurants: Pizza Hut, Subway, even a Dairy Queen. Pizza Hut had a half hour wait, and besides we were feeling a bit ashamed of ourselves for even considering eating pizza in China. Instead we went to a “hot pot” restaurant, where individual pots of broth are kept boiling on burners on your table. You place various raw foods into the broth and then fish them out to eat when they are cooked enough. The one English speaking waiter helped us make out our order and then brought us mushrooms (9 kinds), one inch cuts from corn cobs, thin slices of raw beef and mutton, sweet potato slices, and cherry tomatoes. I managed all that with chopsticks! Aren’t you proud of me? At the end you can drink the broth and then finish up with the ubiquitous dessert now in season – watermelon.

We were feeling very lucky to have had such an unexpected cultural dining experience. But wait, that’s not all! On the way back through the park we came upon a large group of everyday people standing in a loose formation. Then music started and they all began a kind of group dance, a little like the old “Hustle.” We watched for a few minutes and walked on. We found another smaller group who were dancing almost a ballet, it was so graceful. But not performers. Just people who were maybe exercising, or learning together.

Now we’ve survived one more taxi ride home. (I close my eyes and pray all the way.)

And I’ve written late enough to close my eyes, pray, and sleep.

Sept 6 Mon Xi’an Wall and Terra Cotta Soldiers

(written by Husband) Sunday and Monday, Sept 5 & 6, we visited Xian, one of China’s several ancient capitals, and the one where the famous terra cotta warriors are located.

China has had many different dynasties, located in a number of different capital cities, over the past 3000 years, many of them for portions of China, and some for all of China. The Western Zhou dynasties (portion of China only) had their capitals in the Xian area from about 1100BC to 800BC. The first dynasty (Qin, pronounced ~’chin’) that united all of China (by conquering 6 other kingdoms) was from about 221BC to 207BC. After this, China was divided and unified again, but this first unification is the most important. This is the emperor who had the terra cotta warriors and horses created as part of his tomb area.

Although over 70 emperors (from 13 different dynasties that existed intermittently from 1100BC through 900AD) are buried in this area, we’ll talk only about the Qin dynasty (and its only emperor).

OK, now to ~221 BC… In China, emperors begin building their tombs after their first year as emperor. The process took could take decades. So that the emperor could continue to have their power and exercise their rule in the afterlife, they needed all the materials, support functions, and support staff that would be needed to sustain them in the afterlife. Much like Egyptian pharaohs, they created complicated burial chambers, intending to resist entry, inside of artificial mountains. In the case of the pharaohs, the mountains were pyramids, whereas the Chinese emperors had natural-looking (but symmetrical) mountain-size earthen mounds constructed over their burial chambers. But the chambers and the mountain (also called the mausoleum) were only part of the funeral preparations. In the case of the Qin emperor, he also had a city built around his mausoleum, to sustain him in the afterlife.

Part of this city is a massive array of terra cotta (clay) armed soldiers and horses, as you’ve seen in pictures. There are over 6000 of them, all different, all slightly larger than life size (to be more imposing to enemies in the afterlife).  They are about a mile in front of the mausoleum hill, facing the direction from which enemies are likely to come (from the valley, toward the mountains). There are at least 6000 soldiers, 300 archers, 450 horses, and 50 chariots. They had real bronze and bronze-tipped weapons, such as swords, spears, daggers and javelins. The men are extremely well detailed, with appropriate clothes and accessories for the various roles and ranks of men in an army. They were painted in detail with color, but unfortunately the colors fade after they are unearthed. The Chinese are leaving many of them unexcavated until better technology is available that can protect them.

Our guide said that it took 700,000 people 30 years to build the city and the warriors.  The soldiers were placed in trenches, perhaps 10′ deep and 10′ wide (and hundreds of feet long), then the trenches were covered over with wood, then finally covered with about 3′ of earth. Unfortunately, less than one year after this first emperor died, his enemies entered the underground area and broke all the men and horses. We understand that except for one rare, celebrated case, no soldier was unbroken. Those that we see have been pieced back together, sometimes from hundreds of pieces each, (3 people working 6 months can piece one soldier together) in continuous archeological work since 1974, when the soldiers were discovered by a farmer digging a well. That farmer is still on the site, signing his names to books that people buy! (We bought one)

We saw all these things in 3 huge clear-span (no posts) buildings, constructed over the 3 pits where excavation took place and continues (we saw workers restoring additional soldiers). The largest of these could hold 3.5 US football fields!  Entering this giant building, and seeing thousands of soldiers looking at you from 2000 years ago is a surreal, unforgettable sight!

In addition to visiting the soldiers (which are actually many miles outside the city of Xian), we also saw sites in the old walled city, including: –    The drum tower and bell tower (two standard features of old Chinese cities, used for announcing the time of day and night). –    The historical museum (with artifacts from many periods of local history, back to 3000-5000 BC), and –    The city wall (which we walked on the top of in a downpour).

Lots more to say about Xian, but we have to stop someplace, and move on to describing another day…

Sept 7, Tuesday Expo

We are back in extremely hot and humid Shanghai. But we braved the elements and spent all day at Expo. It is huge. A bus drives to get people from one section to another. There are 5 major sections and in the whole day we only covered 1 and a half. Pretty much the Asia section, but the 4 largest pavilions here require reservations that you stand in line from 5am to 9am to get. We didn’t go that extreme, but were able to visit smaller province pavilions, as well as India, Pakistan, and Turkmenistan. (My friend Brenda’s daughter Tracey is spending 2 years in Turkmenistan with Peace Corps so I was interested in that country.) We also spent time in the Theme Pavilion, which impressed us especially with one area that compared 6 particular families from around the world. One was from Phoenix, and the others were each from a different continent.

What an amazing experience. I never in my wildest dreams as a child would have guessed I’d visit China.

Sept 8 Expo 2

Yesterday we waited until about 4 to leave for Expo, hoping to miss the hottest part of the day. I think we succeeded, but it was still humid enough to feel sweat trickling down your back. We entered a different gate than on Tuesday and wandered a bit around Australia, New Zealand, Indonesia, Cambodia, and the Philippines. Several of the pavilions were having outdoor music or dance performances. Inside the Philippines, several acts of music or dance followed one after another for about 10 minutes. Then people exited and the next group was allowed in.

Many of the larger pavilions have a steady flow of people who walk spiral ramps and see changing video or photos or displays as they go. Croatia had one large walkway with ever changing photos or videos of different cities. We stayed and watched the full display once through so we could record all that it showed about Starigrad, where Husband’s family came from. Italy was massive and focused on their style fame, from clothing to buildings to cars. We felt a little trapped, even though it was so large because there wasn’t a planned flow or an obvious way out. At the top of the escalators people would stop, confused, which felt panicky because you couldn’t progress even though more people were steadily coming up behind you. Ack!

We hoped to see and go inside the Great Britain building. It is probably one of the strangest looking. Imagine a Koosh Ball. It’s a sphere made up of long thin spiny spikes whose colors change. Supposedly the spikes are filled with seeds as a symbolism, and when the building is red it is supposed to evoke the British Flag because you see white, almost like a cross, between the spikes. Yesterday was National Day for the British, though, so it was closed for a private celebration and we didn’t get inside.

Australia was interesting, all about the ongoing relationship and similarities and differences with China. It had an inner seating area for 1000 and a ten minute show that alternated between a circle of video screens that rose to about 20 feet tall, and then when they lowered we saw different scenes inside of the circle: beach, city, children playing.

India had a holographic show. Indonesia’s exterior roof was a rainforest to walk through. It is interesting to see what each country wants to portray about itself. The theme of this Expo is “Better City, Better Life.” Many of the countries are exhorting ecological improvement.

Sept 9, Thurs Expo 3

Our last full day in China.

We left the hotel around 1:30 for our last visit to Expo. The taxi took us to a gate on the north side of the river. We had spent the last 2 days on the south side. The north has more technology focus, rather than countries. Each pavilion covers another aspect of better cities. We began to realize that the visible line might have no real indication of the amount of time it would take to get in and see a pavilion. Sometimes there is another line inside, or around a corner, or a holding area once you make it in. But really, I think we were a lot better off than people who came before school was back in session. Our longest wait was about 45 minutes.

We crossed the river on an Expo ferry and then visited USA, Chile, Canada, Brazil, and Argentina. We might be biased but I think the USA pavilion was the best we saw. American college students greeted us in Chinese and even told jokes while we waited. They asked in English if anyone from America was there and I think we were the only ones out of about 1000 people. A video in that room showed many Americans trying to say ‘Welcome to the American pavilion’ in Mandarin and resorting to the shorter ni hao “neehow” (hello). It made the Chinese visitors laugh.

We were all moved into another room where we could sit (unusual for any pavilion) and hear a welcome from Hillary Clinton and President Obama, and then listened to children tell about their dreams for the future. I think the theme was that we are so much alike, wanting better lives for our children. The third area was another auditorium that we moved to and then watched a wordless video of a little girl trying to turn an inner city empty lot into a garden. After frustrating failure finally neighbors all got together and created a beautiful park. The idea was to improve our bit of the world. We were all surprised when a thunderstorm in the video made our seats shake and then we felt a misty rain fall on us.

From there we were released into a room that highlighted the companies that sponsored the pavilion, which included Intel, GE, and Disney, among others. Last we were allowed to exit through a gift shop, like many of the pavilions.

The only other really memorable pavilion was Argentina, because we arrived just in time for a Tango demonstration. Very well received by the audience.

After a half hour taxi ride we are back in the hotel. We need to finalize packing, go to bed, and then be at the airport around 10am. Thank you for reading my ramblings. I hope they have given you some mental images of what we’ve seen and done. It has been a wonderful experience!

But yes, I can hardly wait to be home, too.

Parental Example

            Within a month’s time, my husband and I both celebrated the lives of one of our parents. My father-in-law passed away after too short a struggle with cancer. My husband took on the responsibility for planning the funeral, including a heart-felt eulogy that recounted what a good father he had been. My brother spoke next as a representative of the countless young men that Dad influenced in his years of work with Scouts, as well as the numerous young men he taught about life while he taught them to be his work assistants. The priest and many of the frequent visitors to Dad’s bedside during his last few weeks talked about his years of enthusiastic volunteering with St. Vincent de Paul. Others benefited from his decade of hospital service where he greeted patients, helped direct them to the right department, and retrieved the wheel chairs that travelled the campus. Nearly everyone mentioned his “thumbs up” attitude, his commitment to service, and his strong work ethic.

            One month later, my entire family gathered for the first time in thirty years in Anaconda, Montana. Ours was a joyful reunion to celebrate my mother’s 80th birthday. I had spent a few days with her the month before and experienced her typical activities. I tagged along as she attended Mass and the rosary daily, delivered communion and a Word Service to the nursing home, helped organize and attended a deacon ordination and a May crowning, and the weekly Adoration. I wasn’t there for one of the funerals–she averages two a week–which she organizes and plans with the bereaved families. But I accompanied her on her visits to friends: morning coffee here, a sandwich there, dropping in to check on one or pouring a cup of tea for another. Everywhere we went, people told me how wonderful my mother is and what a spirit she has for service. Our family celebration of her birthday had to include this “other family” of hers, so we hosted a tea with light refreshments in the church hall and more than 200 people attended!

            Two parents, both busier in their “relaxation years” than I am in my everyday life. Both making their lives meaningful by working for others. Both surrounded by people who love them for the service they give. Their lives exemplify one way to live well.

            They also both invite me to reevaluate my life. I am a home body who needs much time alone to process my thoughts and maintain my calm. The areas I’ve chosen to serve in are primarily solitary by choice. I write, I crochet prayer shawls, I pray for my family, friends, church, and the world. Most of my personal service is to my family–whether babysitting,  house cleaning, or lending a caring ear.  I host extended family gatherings and maintain connections. I see myself as an enabler to others in their service; I keep the household functioning while family members serve the world through their particular gifts. I’ve raised children with hearts more open than mine.

            I’d like that to be enough. I’d like to stay in my comfort zone. I want to excuse myself as an introvert who is drained by contact with people rather than energized. Yet, I know my mother and my father-in-law both were introverts who grew beyond their natural inclination and became extraverted. My husband opened his eulogy by describing his dad as shy and quiet and, as expected, the funeral attendees laughed. No one who knew him for the last 40 years would have described him that way. Yet leadership classes and becoming a Scout master drew him beyond his shyness.

            Some psychologists define maturing as growing in our weak areas until we are balanced. An introvert becomes comfortable with people. An extrovert becomes comfortable with contemplation.

            I have my own weaknesses to overcome, which may be different than the ones our parents grew through. I also have my unique call to follow and my unique strengths to place in God’s service. I hope my writing reaches out to people in need and offers help. I hope my service to my family makes a difference in the world.

            We can’t say one way of life is the only way to live well. I wouldn’t expect my children to live exactly as I have, or to serve the ways I serve. Maybe that is part of our challenge, to find our unique way to make this life meaningful. If there were only one way, we wouldn’t need to have a personal relationship with God to figure things out. We’d simply follow the defined steps. But given the distinctive nature each of us experiences–strengths and weaknesses, gifts and challenges–we are invited to constant conversation with God to get it right. If God is a parent anything like us (and He says He is) He longs to share our lives, our thoughts, and our decisions.

       In Mere Christianity, CS Lewis quotes George MacDonald, “God is easy to please, hard to satisfy.” Any effort we make to follow His path pleases Him, but He is never satisfied. He calls us to continue to grow more like Him throughout our lives.

      Sometimes I think I’m doing ok in my life choices. But then the lives of my mother and my father-in-law, and the life of Christ, challenge me to resist complacency.

Healing After a Miscarriage

Five Steps Toward Healing After a Miscarriage

            “I’m sorry, we can’t find a heartbeat.” I was five months pregnant and the ultrasound technician confirmed my fear; a fourth son or daughter had died before I could cradle the baby in my arms. As I dressed, I heard a doctor talking about the ultrasound patient before me who, upon learning she was expecting twins, had told him she would end the pregnancy.

            In tears, I returned to my doctor who said to expect a spontaneous miscarriage, or—as he called it—abortion, within a few days. When my body continued to embrace its precious treasure, he scheduled me for a TAP, or therapeutic abortion procedure.

            I reeled through the process, so routine for the nurses and doctors who ended pregnancies every day, but so devastating to me. I wanted to proclaim to each of the medical personnel that I was different; I would never choose this course of action if my baby were alive. One kind woman brought me a general surgery consent form so that I wouldn’t have to sign the usual document. The hospital kept me overnight for observation—in the maternity wing.

            Each of my miscarriages was devastating. Each left me with a child-shaped hole in my heart and in my soul. Well-meaning but inadequate comments like, “You can always try again,” or “It must have been God’s will,” gave me no comfort.

            However, today my heart is full and, though still tender, my soul is healed enough to offer suggestions for dealing with miscarriages, whether your own or a loved one’s.

If you have lost a child through miscarriage:

1)      Acknowledge the loss of an individual. Name the child. You will know him or her in heaven.

2)      Mark your loss with a ritual that feels right to you, whether with a formal church service, or a quiet gathering of friends and family at home.

3)      Allow yourself to grieve. Though you didn’t have time to know your child’s face and voice, you knew your hopes and dreams for your child. You anticipated the birth date and carried the child close to your heart. Perhaps you imagined how he would look or what she would grow up to be. Though the details of individuality are still a mystery, God knows and loves your child, and the world suffered a loss when your child died.

4)      Accept that your spouse may experience the loss differently than you. It’s not unusual for one parent to feel much more distress after a miscarriage than the other. With any death, people grieve in different ways. One may want to be alone; another needs to be with loved ones. One person may talk over and over about the loss; another may be made speechless by pain.

5)      Accept that you and your spouse may have mixed feelings, perhaps even relief, about the miscarriage. Parenthood is frightening. You can’t help your feelings, but you can be sensitive to each other.

If someone you know has lost a child through miscarriage:

1)      Acknowledge the loss of an individual. Send a note of sympathy, call, or visit with the bereaved parents.

2)      Let the parents know that you will keep them and their child in prayer. Perhaps you can commemorate the baby’s short life at your next church attendance.

3)      Realize that the grieving parents may not feel the way you expect them to feel. Accept that people grieve differently and that their emotions may fluctuate even hour to hour.

4)      Be sensitive to how difficult it may be for the couple to be around others who are expecting a child or have a new little one. However, continue to include them in invitations to baby showers and christenings, perhaps adding a note to say you understand that this might be difficult for them. Let them decide whether they are ready to accept.

5)      Don’t offer platitudes in an attempt to cheer the couple out of their loss. A simple, “I’m so sorry,” and time spent with them in companionship will let them know you care.

            Today I experience profound gratitude as I watch my four grown daughters, and yes, their births eased the pain, though they didn’t replace the children I lost. Not all women are blessed with motherhood after miscarriages. My heart goes out to them. I know God’s does, too.

            When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. [   ] Jesus wept. (John 11:33,35 NIV)

Family spirituality

 

I’ve been listening to another cd from Matthew Kelly called “5 Practical Ways to Build Family Spirituality.” Here are his 5 ways and 2 of my favorite quotes:

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  1.  Ask the right questions. –Talk to your kids in ways that help them figure out the answers so they learn to make decisions. Ask question so you know your children and know about their lives.
  2. Pray as a family. – Don’t rely on memorized prayers to inspire them. Let them hear you talk to God as a friend. Pray together at meals. One night a week, read the next week’s Gospel together and talk about what one word, phrase, or idea struck each member of the family as important
  3. Create a family culture. – Reclaim family dinners as often as possible. Spend time together. Find ways to build each other up.
  4. Simplify. – Eliminate excess, whether material goods or commitments. Let your children help reduce their belongings and take them to Good Will or Salvation Army with you. They’ll learn and grow through the process.  Say no to Sunday commitments, other than church and carefree timelessness* with your family and friends.
  5. Develop a Spirit of Service. – By example and inclusion, teach children to serve each other, the Church, the community and the nation. They will grow up with a sense of purpose, ready for God to send them on His mission.

 “If you want to be happy for a lifetime, find a way to make a difference in other people’s lives.”

 “How do you want your life to be different next year? The only way that you can make it different is if you change your habits today.”

 *Matthew talks elsewhere about carefree timelessness as the one thing that will improve any relationship, guaranteed. Remember being newly in love? How you could spend hours together without needing to accomplish anything? Remember the last time you felt really close to and connected with your family? Were you enjoying carefree timelessness? Probably so. Give that unstructured time to your spouse, your children, and your God and watch the love grow.

Blessings!

Betty Arrigotti

For more information see www.MatthewKelly.org

Choose life!

You’ve made it to the final entry of Lent in our search for Joy!

One last author that I recommend you consider: Matthew Kelly is a 30-year-old Catholic who travels the world speaking to young and old about God’s dream for each of us: that we become the best version of ourselves.

He says we are physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual beings and that life is all about love. To be truly happy we must pay attention to our needs in these four areas:

  • Physical – Eat healthy foods, sleep enough, and exercise regularly.
  • Emotional – Focus on our relationships. Every relationship will blossom if we regularly spend carefree timelessness with the other, whether spouse, friend, or children. With time spent as if on vacation, we will move into the higher levels of intimacy like sharing our hopes and dreams, our fears and needs, and our efforts to become the best version of ourselves.
  • Intellectual – For ten minutes every day, read a book that challenges you to grow.
  • Spiritual – Our spirits need solitude, scripture, silence, and the sacraments. Matthew recommends we attend to Mass, asking God to show us just one way we can become better versions of ourselves this week. Somewhere in the readings, music, prayers, homily, or silence, we will be given that one message.

 

Matthew insists we all know deep down what will make us happy and better people. Yet, we don’t do what we know will make us happier and healthier. Why?

Because we are too busy.

What are we too busy doing? Working to attain things that we want, thinking they will make us happier. Instead, we should do the things he lists above, the things we need.

Things that really will make us happier.

He recommends we slow down enough to determine every decision by whether it will help us be better versions of ourselves. What we own does not matter. What matters is how we love – ourselves, the people in our lives, and our God.

When my daughters were in grade school we celebrated the approach of Easter with a poster that began with a caterpillar and a seed. Over the weeks of Lent the caterpillar grew through stages of development until it was a butterfly. Likewise the seed sprouted two leaves, a stem, a bud, and eventually flowered.

Now as Lent draws to an end and we prepare to celebrate Easter, the celebration of new life, let’s resolve to choose life.

  • Choose gratitude, rather than complaints. 
  • Choose simplicity over materialism and complexity.
  • Choose relaxation and renewal over busy-ness.
  • Choose trust, rather than insecurity.
  • Choose service, rather than meaningless pursuits.
  • Choose life!
  • Choose love!

 And may your choices lead you to Joy!

 Happy Easter!

 Betty Arrigotti

I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants,   by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him. Deuteronomy 30:19-20

For more information, including books and cds see www.matthewkelly.org

Service and Meaning

Let’s look at another path to Joy.

Viktor Frankl writes in Man’s Ultimate Search for Meaning that we all search to bring meaning to our lives. Some achieve it through doing or creating: an act of heroism, a painting, a garden, or a novel. Some discover meaning through relationships, by loving deeply and well. But most rewarding according to Frankl are those who, facing the unchangeable like suffering or pain, change themselves for the better.

Author Matthew Kelly writes in his book,  A Call to Joy, “Suffering puts us in touch with what is really important. Sacrifice spells out our commitment and confirms our love.”

Frankl says of a person who grows through life’s challenges, “He is actualizing himself precisely to the extent to which he is forgetting himself, and he is forgetting himself by giving himself, be it through serving a cause higher than himself, or loving a person other than himself.”

Jesuit priest Fr. Robert Spitzer speaks about  four levels of happiness.

  1. Satisfaction of the senses, the moments when we are enjoying tastes, sounds, aromas, sights or sensations. It is a low level, because it is transitory and self-focused.
  2. Comparative advantage – you feel better than another. Competitors understand this elusive happiness.
  3. Seeing good in others and doing good for others.
  4. A reach for fullness or perfection through the pursuit of goodness, beauty, truth and love.

“We get glimpses of the sublime nature of beauty, truth and goodness at rare moments in, perhaps, the arts (music, story, film) or nature, or when we are loved by or love others.’  But for lasting happiness of this level Spitzer says, “Only God in Jesus is perfect and, according to Christians, our ultimate happiness is found in relationship with God through Jesus (prayer, obedience to his teachings etc.) who overcame sin (separation from God).”

Frankl, Kelly, and Spitzer concur that one way to truly feel you are making a difference is by being of service to others. I watch the generation above mine and am humbled by their acts of service. My mother is approaching a major milestone birthday (beyond typical retirement age) and still is secretary for several organizations and serves her parish daily. My husband’s parents have also lived lives of service, from St. Vincent de Paul to Scouts, from backstage management to helping children with reading difficulties.

That’s fine, we might say, for people who are retired and have time, but how can I possibly add one more thing to my busy life?

They started early. Their retirement years are simply continuations of earlier years of service.

However, service doesn’t have to be a large commitment of time. In fact, you are probably already of service and just haven’t realized it. Every parent serves the needs of little ones. And every adult child can help her parents or his siblings. Beyond family, you might take a friend out for coffee, knowing they needed a chance to talk, or watch your neighbor’s children while she goes to a doctor appointment. Look at all the small services you do for people, and acknowledge the spirit of service within you. Focusing on that spirit, rather than feeling taken for granted, can shift our attitude and put us solidly on the road to Joy.

Remember that old bumper sticker, “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty?” It only takes a minute to get a second cup of coffee to share. Or to put away laundry for someone who needs to study for a final. Or to take on a task for a coworker who is swamped. Share small moments of your time if you can’t spend a weekly evening or Saturday helping out.

Of course, there are many opportunities for more formal service to the wider community. Short term commitments offer us a chance to experiment with using different skills and might even help us determine a new direction in our lives. You could discover a talent at carpentry while working for Habitat for Humanity. You might find you are a natural with teenagers or coordinating groups or understanding spreadsheets. Or maybe you will reconnect with old talents that have gone rusty by helping with a school play or teaching Girl Scouts about vegetable gardens. If you have no idea what a new interest might be, or how you best can serve, these short term commitments can be invaluable experience.

Perhaps, though, you are seeking a long term direction for service. If you are looking for a vocation, whether through a career or apart from the work you do, I recommend you take the advice of Parker Palmer in The Heart of a Teacher,

“When I follow only the oughts, I may find myself doing work that is ethically laudable but not mine to do. A vocation that is not mine, no matter how externally valued, does violence to the self—in the precise sense that it violates my identity and integrity on behalf of some abstract norm. […] In contrast to the strained and even violent concept of vocation as an ought, Frederick Buechner offers a more generous and humane image of vocation as ‘the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.’ […] The best inward sign of vocation is deep gladness. ”

Matthew Kelly agrees.  “In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of the world, there is a whisper in the marketplace. The whisper is the voice of God. He is calling to you. He is beckoning to you. He is gently inviting you to a quiet place, and His call is a call to joy.

May you hear His call and follow it to your joy!

Betty Arrigotti

Simplicity

Simple Joy

Teachers of both Western and Eastern spirituality concur that one path to Joy is Simplicity.

Isn’t there something universally attractive about those who value simplicity? Think of the Amish, St. Francis of Assisi, the pioneers who fit what they needed into a covered wagon, the Native American culture, the self-sufficient monastic abbeys, or Mother Theresa.

I value simplicity, but I don’t yet live it. My house is cluttered with meaningful things— that is— things that I have attached meaning to. I want flowers in my yard that were favorites of certain loved ones and souvenirs on my shelves to remind me of travels or my girls’ childhoods. I take photos to mark every occasion and think of my boxes of books as old friends.

It is fine to enjoy the memories which our items inspire, but if we give too much meaning to things, they can become too important. Global awareness forces us to realize our abundance causes others scarcity. One element of simplicity is remaining detached from our possessions so that we can share and give away to those in need. The less we own, the less time we must devote to the care of our possessions. That time would be better spent in a myriad of ways: prayer, our own refreshment, pursuit of our life passion, or enjoyment of our loved ones.

That leads me to another break with Simplicity that impedes our Joy, Busy-ness.

Today’s culture declares we must always be busy, always productive, always struggling to catch up with the best. Even though technology advances were expected to provide us with more time for enjoyment, in fact, men and women are working longer hours. A generation or two ago women generally spent their days focused on family life while men focused on financially supporting the family. Now we are all expected to balance and even excel at homemaking, family life, fitness, and volunteering, as well as a career.

Granted, most people need to keep working full time and in this economy we feel blessed to have work. Beyond work commitments, we all want to see our children learning extra-curricular skills like sports and music. And our communities and churches rely on our volunteering. So we are all exhausted. An annual two-week vacation (laptops at the ready) is not enough.

God knew that. He told us that. He said we need a day every week to rest, get refreshed, and have time with our families and friends and time to know Him better. It’s one of the 10 Commandments and yet we seem to think it isn’t an important one. He asks us to keep holy the Lord’s Day reminding us, “The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.” Mark 2:27

Without rest, where is our balance? If your neighbor or good friend were sick and needed some help, would you have the time? Where is the time to be creative, to nourish ourselves, to play, and to pray? How can we grow in faith, or for that matter, closer to our loved ones without time to visit and share our experiences?

We need to incorporate respite into our lives. We need to retreat into the mountains or out to the desert to pray, like Jesus did. Nature and relaxation refresh our souls. But our spirits also require time every day in order to get our priorities straight. We need to live with a sense of mindfulness, not chaos, focused on what we are doing. The whole pattern of our day needs to center on God as an integral part of our lives. We NEED daily prayer.

What can we do today to simplify our lives and rededicate them to what is important? We’ll need to be brave enough to say, “No,” when careful consideration tells us that “no” is the right answer. Let’s finish the commitments we’ve made that are important but be very careful before making new ones. Unimportant commitments we can let go of right away. Does the yard really need more flowers or does the organization I belong to really need one more activity? Does the club reduce already scarce time with my family? Do my children really need to participate in sports they don’t like? How much TV is too much?

We could, if we were very brave, go further. Is this house more space than we really use? Do we need this many cars? What would happen if I cut back on my hours at work? Or the work I bring home from work? Can we change our lifestyle?

The path to Simplicity will be different for each of us but it will surely shorten the road to Joy.

Blessings on your week and on your reassessment of your lifestyle.

Betty Arrigotti

Forgiveness

 

            We can’t experience complete joy if we feel either betrayed or guilty. In both cases, healing won’t be complete until we forgive and are forgiven. The two are connected.

In the New Testament we find:

 

  • Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. Mark 11:25-26, Matthew 6:14-15
  • Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
  • And the Our Father: Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Matthew 6:12

 

            Why does Jesus tell us to forgive? Is it to add another burden to our struggle? No, He wants us to be happy and we cannot be fully at peace when we are angry with someone and feeling a grudge. Does our grudge hurt the person we hold it against? Perhaps, but sometimes they aren’t even aware of it. Instead we are the ones burdened by the negativity. If we nurture the hurt and lick our wounds, the negativity grows and embitters us.

Forgiving seems to be a prerequisite to being forgiven. Our lack of forgiveness keeps us from receiving God’s forgiveness. Not because God wants us to go first and won’t “play” until we follow His rules, but because our negativity blocks the bounty of graces He longs to pour onto us. Bitterness cannot occupy the soul at the same time as God’s grace.

If we truly accept and appreciate and believe God forgives us, our spirits are so filled, so en-lightened, that we have no need of grudges. Bitterness simply won’t fit, won’t coexist with our cleansed spirit.

How can we, while knowing how good God is to forgive our mistakes and even our deliberate wrongdoing, not offer the same to others?

We are human and it’s hard to forgive people who have hurt us, even when they sincerely apologize. But isn’t it much harder to forgive people who aren’t sorry, who either don’t believe they’ve done anything wrong, feel completely justified in what they did, or simply don’t care? I really struggle with that. Why should I forgive when they don’t ask me for forgiveness or even show any sorrow?

Because not forgiving hurts me. Negativity finds its foothold and hangs on. God doesn’t want us to be slaves to our feelings so He asks us to let go. I don’t believe He means we should trust the other person as if the injury never happened. We are still allowed to protect ourselves, if need be, by being cautious around that person and maintaining boundaries that keep us from falling victim again. But we must refuse to let the person have the power over us of destroying our peace and our journey toward Joy.

How can we forgive others?

  • Decide to forgive and then refuse to dwell on the injury when it comes to mind. 
  • Be mindful of our own weaknesses and mistakes and God’s mercy. Ask Him to give us the grace to forgive.
  • Consider the other’s challenges that affected the behavior. Was his childhood difficult? Did she have a hard day? Maybe he is struggling to do the best he can.
  • Pray for the offender. Ask for God to heal her. Put the trouble in God’s hands and then let go.
  • Actively seek out and focus on the offender’s strengths and goodness.

 

How can we forgive ourselves?

When God forgives us we need to forgive ourselves and let go of our guilt. We should still remember our wrongdoing and let that memory protect us as we work to avoid the temptation or the decisions that brought us to our sin. But if we don’t let go of the shame, it shows we don’t truly believe God forgave us.

Jesus knew our nature and so provided us with a very concrete experience of forgiveness, saying to his apostles: “If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained.” John 20:23, Matthew 16:19, 18:18

Those words became the Sacrament of Reconciliation, celebrated in churches around the world all year but in a special way during Lent. Parishes sponsor Reconciliation Services that bring a communal element to the process of examining our lives to become aware of our faults, confessing them to one who represents God, and hearing from that representative that we are forgiven.

Bringing the spiritual into a ceremony can help us realize how very real the spiritual is. God gives us the opportunity to concretely experience His forgiveness and mercy. The priest-representative is solid, his words of forgiveness are audible, and our sense of being a member of His community is reinforced.

I’ve always dreaded “going to confession.” Human nature makes us reluctant to admit to another that we’ve been wrong. However, I can tell you I look forward to the lightness of Spirit I always feel after receiving God’s absolution—His cleansing forgiveness—through the priest.

Go to a Reconciliation Service during Lent if your church offers one. If not, and you have trouble letting go of shame or guilt, I urge you to speak to a representative of your faith community who can help you truly accept that God is a forgiving Father, just like the prodigal (extravagantly wasteful) son’s father in Jesus’ parable, who rushes out to meet the errant son with open arms when he returns home.

God’s arms are open and waiting for you.

Prayers and blessings on your week,

Betty Arrigotti

“The idea of forgiveness is clearly an essential element of Jesus’ spirituality. […] Forgiveness of others’ injuries stamps our spirituality as genuine and authentic. Not to be forgiving reduces our spirituality to a merely human imitation of the real thing.” Girzone, Joseph (1995). Never Alone: A Personal Way to God. Doubleday Image. p94.

 

“It might seem nearly impossible to forgive your family for some of the things they did while you were growing up. But if you make it your goal to forgive them as God has forgiven you, and if you actively pursue loving them the way Christ loves you, then you will not only have set your own heart free, but you will have showcased a little picture of heaven on earth. If you learn to forgive, you will have learned the greatest defense strategy against divorce.” Ludy, Eric & Leslie (2009). When God Writes Your Love Story. Multnomah Books, p192.

Insecurity Busters

Let’s continue our Lenten quest and think about people in our lives who exemplify joy. What do they do differently from us?

I’m pondering this, thinking of basically happy people I know. What characteristics do they share? Most of them are children, unencumbered still by the worries of the world. But a few are adults and they seem to have as many or more problems than I do. Perhaps the difference is all in attitude. They focus on what they are grateful for. They make the most of a situation. They laugh at themselves and don’t seem to worry about what others think. Not that they don’t think of others, in fact, I think they are more “other focused” than self focused. They are certainly not insecure.
Let’s go back to my statement that most of the people I know who are joyful are children. Yes, little ones cry and pout and stomp their feet, but those particular children that make people comment, “She’s sure a happy baby,” seem very secure and trusting. They aren’t prone to fear. They see the world as a delightful place to explore, and people as friends eager to join their fan club. They expect the world and its people to be good.

And me, when I’m insecure, what am I expecting?
• Insurmountable challenges
• My weaknesses exposed
• Failure, followed by the critical judgment of others

Very young, secure children don’t focus on the frightening future, because they are enjoying the present. They don’t worry about the days ahead because their parents will take care of them. They don’t fret about what others think because they are completely secure in the awareness that their parents love them.
It is a rare child who maintains this confidence throughout their childhood. I cringe to think of 4th grade cliques and junior high bullying, high school competitiveness, young adult broken hearts, and the effects of the sensuality-focused media. Few make it through that gauntlet unscathed. I’d bet if we are honest with ourselves, none of us did. Most of us either nurse or bury some feelings of inadequacy or fears of being found out as imposters. Some bravely struggled against such fears and overcame them.
Yes, we have a power to heal. We have a Father who, like those happy toddlers’ parents, will protect us in our future. Not that He will keep us from all pain; no parent can or should do that or we wouldn’t learn. He will, however, make it all turn out well in the end. And He will be with us every moment of the journey. If we can only focus on Him, we won’t need to worry about what others think of us, because we will know He is delighted with us. Yes, he knows all of our weaknesses and hasn’t missed any of our mistakes. But He chooses to focus on his goodness within us and, beloved children of His own, He treasures us.

“If God is for us, who can be against?” Romans 8:31

If you are looking for practical, solid steps you can take toward fighting insecurity, Beth Moore has several to offer in her book, So Long Insecurity: You’ve been a bad friend to us.
Avoid insecurity triggers.  This must be done with some discernment. The idea isn’t to withdraw from everything that makes you insecure, but to avoid unhealthy triggers, such as fashion magazines if they make you feel inadequate, or particular emotional predators who thrive on making you feel worse about yourself.
Choose a different reaction.  Think, “How would I react if I were secure?” and then do it! Behaviors have a strong effect on our thinking. Take healthy pride in your new decisions to react to fear with courage. This releases your inner strength!
Stop coupling legitimate feelings with insecurity.  Moore writes a mantra: “You may hurt my feelings, but you can’t take my security. It is mine to keep and I won’t give it away.” “You may intimidate me, but you can’t take my security. It is mine from God and I won’t give it away.” Other feelings we often join to insecurity are fear, disappointment, shock, sadness, anger, jealousy, and shame. “I’m ashamed of what I did, but you can’t take my security. It is mine and I won’t give it away.”
Stop making comparisons!  We are all originals, one of a kind. I am not better OR worse than you. My worth or value is simply from being a person, a child of God like every other person.
Don’t trip others’ insecurity triggers.  Don’t flaunt what you are good at, or what you possess. We should all be giving example to each other of what secure behavior looks like, especially to the younger generation.
Stop focusing on ourselves. Moore says, “We will continue to be as insecure as we are self-absorbed.” When we are thinking of others, we don’t have time to be insecure.
Pursue a life of purpose! Following a passion will keep us too busy to be self absorbed. If you don’t know what your passion is, look to your deepest pain, and then work to help others who are caught in that pain. Alternatively, work to prevent it from happening to anyone else. To find a secure life, lose yourself in something (or Someone) greater!
Trade fear for trust. Fear drives insecurity. What are you most afraid of? Follow that fear all the way through to the end. Ok, what if it happens? What then? And then what? Yes, if it happens you will be miserable for a while, perhaps suffer great physical or emotional pain, but God promises He will work all things to be good in the end. Choose to trust that promise. God won’t obey what you want; He will do even better for you. Love will win.
Don’t worry about the future.  Instead of feeding your insecurity by worrying, “What will I do if…” ask, “What will God do if…” and take comfort in knowing He can handle it.
Question your motivation. Ask yourself, “Am I doing this out of any insecurity?” If so, stop. Choose beyond feelings. Choose to act out of strength. We can act strong, even when we don’t feel strong. We can choose to act secure. We can choose to trust.

But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39 (NASB)

Blessings on your week!
Betty Arrigotti

To read more: Moore, Beth (2010). So Long Insecurity: You’ve been a bad friend to us. Tyndale. Or go to www.solonginsecurity.com

Causes of Insecurity

            How did you do avoiding complaints for the last week? I have to admit, I kept realizing I had let slip another complaint. But at least being aware of the habit is a first step to breaking it.

             Complaining and negative thinking are obstacles to experiencing Joy. Another obstacle, even more widespread, is Insecurity. We all feel it sometimes, but some of us feel it chronically. The origins are different for each of us, and our reaction to insecurity may look different (some might withdraw while others cling). However, we all swindle ourselves as we settle for a limited life, rather than an abundant life, because we are afraid. When we try to protect ourselves from any hint of failure, we cheat this world of the truly powerful contribution we could be making.

             This week I’ve been listening to the audio version of Beth Moore’s new book, So Long Insecurity: You’ve been a bad friend to us. She writes of many causes or roots for feeling insecure. Read through these possibilities and consider how your insecurity began:

  • An unstable home

Relational instability

Financial struggles

A Parent’s physical illness, mental illness, or addiction

An unloving parent

Any abuse – emotional, physical, verbal, or sexual

           

            Unprotected as a child, we seek protection and so are often drawn to the wrong type of person. Only God can always protect us from what really endangers us.

  

  • Significant loss of anything you derive security from. This can happen at any age.

Death of loved one

Loss of face or respect, public shame

Loss of innocence

 

  • Rejection

            Any relationship holds potential for rejection. However, if we won’t risk rejection we won’t find intimacy.

            Our perception of a rejection could simply be a boundary – we can’t claim ALL of a person’s attention, even a spouse.

            A rejection tells lies about our personal value, and sadly, we often concur. “I must not be valuable, worth loving, or even liking.”

 

  •  Dramatic change

            None of us can avoid change; only God is unchanging. We see security in sameness, even if it is not a good situation. A history of unwelcome changes leads some to dread, always expecting something bad is about to happen. Others become psychologically dependent on crisis. If there is none, we create one.

            God uses change to change us, to coax us to the next level of growth.

 

  • Personal limitations

Learning disability

Physical disability

Abnormality – anything that makes us feel different/inferior, even if just through our perception.

 

  • Personal disposition

            Tender heartedness or sensitivity can predispose us to insecurity. The more sensitive we are, the more vulnerable we become. God gave us our tender hearts for a reason. Life is brutal, but He knows it is scary to be us and doesn’t take our pain lightly.

 

  •   Culture

            Today’s media bombards us with unachievable perfection and the worship of youth. A mark of security is being able to be around anyone, no matter how intelligent and attractive and still maintain personal confidence and contentment. But with today’s media, we’re now tempted to feel inferior to thousands!

 

  •  Our own pride

            Pride! Unlike other roots, this is within our control, not imposed on us.  If I can’t be The Most Attractive, I’ll at least be…

The Best…

The Hardest Working…

The Most Congenial (or Popular?)…

The Most Noticeable…

The Most Religious…

             Instead, we end up joining the ranks of the most exhausted.

             Pride carried to extreme can become Perfectionism. Moore calls perfectionism, “Insecurity in an art form. Looks pretty, acts deadly.” Perfectionists are insecure despite (or because of) their high personal standards, emphasis on precision, and aspiration to be better than others. Perfectionists alternate between feeling horrible about themselves and superior to others. Low self esteem and pride coexist.

 

            Look at the above list. Does one area explain the underlying source of your insecurity? Or are you a poster child for having every root of insecurity planted somewhere in your psyche? Whether your insecurity stems from a difficult childhood, or your own pride and perfectionism, you can turn your pain over to God. In some instances you’ll be asking for forgiveness, or the ability to forgive. In others, for healing. Moore reminds us, “Time doesn’t heal. God does.”

             God sees and knows 1000 times better than we do where we are wounded and weak and what graces we need to be renewed, healed, and empowered. WE don’t need to be perfect, because HE is. In fact, he tells us “His strength is made perfect in our weakness.”

             This week we’ve used Beth Moore’s book to help us discover the roots of our insecurity. The “Quick Start” answer to growing out of insecurity is to focus on and trust God, rather than ourselves. But next week we’ll look deeper into practical steps to overcome our insecurity, and by doing so, knock down or sail over one more hurdle to Joy.

 Blessings on your week!

Betty Arrigotti

 To read more: Moore, Beth (2010). So Long Insecurity: You’ve been a bad friend to us. Tyndale. Or visit www.solonginsecurity.com

Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 (NASB)

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