Grandparents Praying

Pray for your own grandparenting.

We want to model the best attributes for our grandchildren. In the New Testament, Paul suggests older people be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, sound in faith, love, and endurance, reverent in the way they live, and teachers of what is good. (Titus 2:2-5) Not bad advice for any of us.

We can pray for physical strength to be good helpers, and spiritual strength to grow closer in our relationship with God. Ask for the Fruits of the Holy Spirit: charity, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, forbearance, gentleness, faith, modesty, self-control, and chastity, as well as the Gifts of the Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord.

I think Joy is one of the best fruits for making our faith be attractive to those little ones (or not so little) looking up to us as role models. And when we are caretakers and feeling not as young as we used to, Patience is at the top of my list of requests.

Pray for your grandchildren.

• There are so many ways to pray for our loved ones. We talked earlier about going beyond asking God to keep them safe. We can and should ask God to guide them to grow closer to Him.
  • Place them in God’s care, perhaps through prayers to Jesus as the Infant of Prague. Looking at a statue of Jesus as a child reminds us that He experienced what they do and treasures them tenderly.
  • Mary, Jesus’ mother, is also their mother. Ask her intercession and know she loves them dearly.
  • When you are beyond being able to pray, try to breathe in God’s love and breathe out your fears.¹
  • Some grandparents keep a Prayer Journal or simply a page for each grandchild where they can write intentions specific to that child and record the ways those prayers have been answered.²
  • If older grandchildren have their own phones, send a text message occasionally saying that you are praying for them. Include specifics if they are facing a challenge. “Prayers that your final exams go well today.”

Pray in front of your grandchildren.

• Many of us find praying to be a very private thing, but our children and grandchildren need to see and hear us pray.
  • Many families pray a Rosary together before bed, or a decade of the Rosary if children are very small. Mary has promised the daily praying of the Rosary will bring grace, protection, armor against evil, flourishing of good works, God’s mercy, and a holy death.
  • Blessings before and after meals remind us that all we have is from God’s providence.
  • Going to church with your grandchildren can be a celebration beyond their normal attendance with their parents. Having you with them makes it even more special. Let them see how important the practice of your faith is to you.
  • Read the Bible and let them understand that God’s Word speaks to you.

Pray with your grandchildren.

An easy place to start with little ones is Pope Francis’ 5-Finger Prayer:

1.) The thumb is the closest finger to you. So start praying for those who are closest to you. They are the persons easiest to remember. To pray for our dear ones is a “Sweet Obligation.”
2.) The index finger is next. Pray for those who teach you, instruct you, and heal you. They need the support and wisdom to show direction to others. Always keep them in your prayers.
3.) The tallest finger reminds us of our leaders, the governors and those who have authority. They need God’s guidance.
4.) The fourth finger is the ring finger. Even though it may surprise you, it is our weakest finger. It should remind us to pray for the weakest, the sick, or those plagued by problems. They need your prayers.
5.) And finally, we have our smallest finger, the smallest of all. Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. When you are done praying for the other four groups, you will be able to see your own needs but in the proper perspective, and also you will be able to pray for your own needs in a better way.¹

Other ways to pray with your grandchildren:

• Before meals and bed, ask what they’d like to pray about. This is a wonderful time to hear about your grandchild’s concerns. Our family goes around the table at dinner and each person states a simple prayer request or something that makes them grateful.
• When you hear sirens, immediately ask aloud that God protect and help the person in need.
• Bless them before they leave. A quick prayer with your hand on their head or shoulder makes everyone feel special. “God, bless this child that you and I love dearly.”
• Sing children’s faith songs with your grandchildren. “Jesus loves me, this I know…” Give CDs or downloads to older grandchildren. Many inspirational groups make recordings of music that teens and young adults can enjoy.
• Help your younger grandchildren to memorize basic prayers and Bible verses but also…
• Teach them to talk to God just like we talk to each other.

Wednesday as I prepared to write this post, the readings for the day included an exhortation from Moses after he led his people out of Egypt amid miracles and wonders:

“However, take care and be earnestly on your guard not to forget the things which your own eyes have seen, nor let them slip from your memory as long as you live, but teach them to your children and your children’s children.” (Deuteronomy 4:9)³

That quote and its timing felt like a personal nod from God. What little miracles or wonders have you experienced and could tell your grandchildren about?

If any suggestion above intrigued you, try that one today! See how the Spirit leads you to pray.

Blessings on your week!

Betty Arrigotti

Sources:

• ¹The Catholic Grandparents Handbook by Lorene Hanley Duquin
• ²Grandparenting with Grace by Larry E. McCall
• ³New American Bible (Revised Edition)

Grandparenting with Grace: A Special Role

Ready to spend an easy 4 minutes weekly towards growth? This Lent’s topic is grandparenting, which is a bit more focused than some other years. It might seem irrelevant to people who aren’t grandparents yet, but we all had grandparents, and we all can be grandparent-like to other children. How did you feel about your grandparents? Loved them? Barely knew them? Are you blessed enough that they are still in this life? If you are in the throes of parenting now, how would you like your parents to grandparent your children? What do you wish they knew or would do? Or not do? It might make a very interesting, productive conversation.

I hope you hold fond memories of your grandparents. My maternal grandmother could be funny but also reserved and wise. I still find her adages coming out of my mouth 20 years after she passed. My grandfather was playful, cautious, and dedicated to his family. My heart warms each time I think of standing on his feet while we danced when I was very little.

Perhaps you don’t have memories of some of your grandparents, but stories about them were part of your upbringing. I was told I took after my grandmother’s mother, and that made me feel proud, for I knew my grandmother admired her. Other greats- and grandparents brought their faith to this country amid difficult trials and that made me value my faith all the more. Our parents’ parents are an integral part of us.

According to The Catholic Grandparents Handbook, by Lorene Hanley Duquin, grandparents serve different roles in different families, from preserver of family legacy, to mentor, teacher, nurturer, role model, and even playmate. The relationship is a treasure, and grandparents hold a special place in the hearts of their grandchildren. Unlike parents, grandparents don’t have to focus on expectations of the life the child will lead in the future. They can focus on who the child is right now and how wonderful he or she already is! And isn’t that part of the joy of grandparenting? We don’t in most cases have the responsibility that parents do to challenge their children to be the best they can be. As grandparents, we get to always be their cheerleaders and encouragers while reminding them that they are perfectly lovable just the way they are.

They need us. Yes, in every child’s experience there are times when they haven’t pleased their parents, or when the responsibility to discipline means the child isn’t very happy with their parents. At these times grandparents are a safe haven where they know they are always loved, no matter what they do. If grandchildren feel their grandparents’ unconditional love, they can flourish and will remember us warmly.

And we need them. According to psychologist Erik Erikson, each stage of our lives has a lesson for us to master if we want to continue to mature well. The age span between 40-65, when most people become grandparents for the first time, is a period for us to share our knowledge with others create something that will last beyond us—a time of generativity, as opposed to stagnation. We have a need to make the world a better place in some way. So, grandchildren can be a source of generativity for us as we “pass on” our faith, wisdom, love, and understanding. What better way to make the world a better place than helping to form a generation who learns something from us that endures?

What legacy will we leave to our grandchildren? I hope mine will remember I loved them unconditionally and taught them something spiritual or wise. Perhaps my words will come to their lips unbidden.

One of the hardest parts of this time of quarantine, for me and many others, has been our isolation from our grandchildren. I miss our hugs, setting little ones on my lap, or cuddling up to read a story. We’ve come to appreciate how very important our relationship is, now that health dangers keep us apart. So, while we avoid the hugs and snuggles we long for and wait for our vaccines, we have time to ask ourselves, “What type of grandparents do we want to be?”

I’ve found that a movement has begun sporadically across our nation as churches begin to see that grandparenting as a ministry could use more attention. Parishes might have marriage classes, parenting speakers, education for children and teens, and maybe even social gatherings for senior groups, but little to this point for the ministry of grandparenting. And from what I hear, we could use some support, especially as we struggle to know how to handle such challenges as:

So, let’s spend the next few weeks thinking about grandparenting and how to make the most of it. We can review some pitfalls to avoid, and perhaps offer ideas to enhance what we are already doing. We can open the conversation with our friends and see what we can learn.

Wisdom nugget: “One of the best things you can do for your grandchildren is to love their parents!” Larry E McCall

May God bless your week.

Betty Arrigotti

Author of Christian Love Stories, available at Amazon:

• Hope and a Future (Marriage
• Where Hope Leads (Premarriage)
• When the Vow Breaks (Family Secrets)
• Their Only Hope (Standing Up to Evil)
• Miriam’s Joy! (Virgin Mary Visits Us)

7 Bury the Dead

How fitting that we come to our final Corporal Work of Mercy, Bury the Dead, on Good Friday.

We could take this less literally and let die those weaknesses inside us that we keep alive: our anger, jealousy, bitterness, unwillingness to forgiven, bad habits, addictions, etc. However, even taken literally, the exhortation to Bury the Dead encompasses more people than our respected morticians.

We all ponder the big questions when the unexpectedness of death suddenly strikes an ordinary day. Even if we weren’t close to the one who died, we re-experience our own loss of loved ones. It’s as if grief, for a while, is cumulative. A death makes us reconsider our life. Why am I here? What purpose should I be pursuing while I still have time? What happens after death? Will I see my loved one again?

We bury the dead when we:

• Attend memorial services, where we honor the memory of the one who has passed and support the families in their recovery. It means so much to a grieving family to see the number of people who attend as a living memorial to their loved one, or as a sign of promised support to themselves.
• Send a sympathy card with a note, perhaps including a happy memory of the deceased.
• Provide a simple service to the grieving family. I’ve heard of one person delivering a case of toilet paper to a home in preparation for visiting family. Another gave a book of stamps, anticipating the thank you notes that would be written and mailed. One woman offered to babysit the youngest children during the funeral. Another offered to sit in the empty home during the service to ward off burglars who see the announcement in the paper.
• Call when travelling visitors have returned home and the grief stricken is suddenly very alone.
• Or, sit with the newly aggrieved and listen to their reminiscence about their loved one…

Night Shift

A middle-aged man sat on a boulder near a hiking trail gazing at a panorama of night sky. As the moon began to rise, he spoke aloud.

Thank you, heavenly Father, for all your gifts to us.

For the stars above us, the galaxies, and our solar system with its sun, moon, and planets.

For this earth and its beautiful oceans, mountains, forests, rivers, and waterfalls.

For our country and its dedication to freedom and justice.

For our ancestors, especially those who chose to uphold their faith and those who left their homes to make new homes here.

For our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and all the people we loved who have left this life. May we see them again in heaven.

For our parents who sacrificed to give us the life we have now.

Thank you for our siblings and our friends who helped make us the people we are today.

Thank you for our children, who make us proud as they grow into good people. Please draw them ever closer to you.

Thank you for my spouse, my beautiful wife, one of your greatest gifts to me, who loved me as deeply as I loved her…

“What a beautiful prayer!”

The man startled at the woman’s voice.

“May I sit down with you?”

He scooted to one side of the rock.

“You’ve chosen a lovely place to pray.”

He stared straight ahead, hoping if he didn’t answer she would leave him to his solitude. She didn’t move or speak then, but simply regarded the starry heavens as he had been doing. Finally, he gave up. “It was my father’s prayer. I used to only hear it when we were camping together. It was how he ended our conversation when we were lying in our sleeping bags under the stars.”

“You were close.”

“On camping trips, yes. At home we were both busy with our lives—his work, my studies—but out here was something else.”

“Your mother had passed on?”

“When I was in high school. He never remarried, or even dated that I know. They were devoted to each other, and I doubt anyone else could have filled her void.”

“And your father? You said it was his prayer.”

He looked at her then, and saw a serene woman, middle-aged, with amazing compassion in her eyes. “He died today.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat.

She rested her hand on his. “I’m sorry for your loss and sadness. He must have been quite a man.”

“He was.” He nodded slowly. “He hasn’t said a word for over a year. Last night, I visited him in his care center, and he was talking to Mom. She wasn’t there, of course, but she was real to him. He was the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time. Then this morning he was gone. It was as if…”

“As if she’d come for him?”

He drew in a quick breath, for she had known just what he was thinking. He looked at her. “Do you think it’s possible?”

“I know it is,” she said. “And now they are both watching over you. They are together in the next life, and together in loving you, so proud of the man you’ve become and so grateful for how you took care of your father in his final years.”

“I wish I could have kept him at home with me.”

“He knows. And he knows you did what was best for him. Be at peace, Jonathon. All is well.”

She stood and continued down the trail before he wondered about her walking without a light, and before he realized he hadn’t told her his name.

(Excerpt from my Miriam’s Joy!, but the prayer was first spoken by my husband, George.)

May God bless your Easter and protect your health.