Corporal Works of Mercy 1- Feed the Hungry

Welcome to (or back to) our 4 Minutes 4 Growth Lenten posts. This season we will explore the Corporal Works of Mercy and focus on one per week through an excerpt from my novel, Miriam’s Joy!, where the Virgin Mary visits Portland incognito as Miriam.Only after I had published it did a friend surprise me with the observation that the “Night Shift” portions of the story illustrate corporal and spiritual works of mercy.

Ideas to consider for our first Corporal Work of Mercy, Feed the Hungry:

• Donate to or volunteer at the Food Bank.
• Help with meals for the homeless.
• Carry a dinner across the street to a neighbor recently home from the hospital.
• Rethink the “chore” of cooking for your family as a work of mercy
• Or, provide a feast for the lonely…

Night Shift

A woman named Esther sat alone in her room, her first evening in the new “senior living home” her children had chosen for her. She didn’t want to be here. She wanted her own house, her own bed, and her own walls that contained 50 years of memories. Realizing she was courting resentment and determined to stay positive, she decided to explore some of the building’s common areas in order to distract herself.

A Catholic organization ran the home. She and all her family were Jewish. She knew they’d chosen this arrangement because it was equidistant from her children’s homes, but Catholic? How would she ever fit in?

She noticed quite a few residents were entering a little in-house theater. “What’s playing?” she asked.

“The Cardinal,” answered one lady who wore a large crucifix around her neck. “It’s old but a classic.”

And Catholic, Esther thought. Like everything else here but me.

She walked toward the sound of a lilting hum and found a woman alone, rocking in a small parlor with two or three tables and several easy chairs. She seemed young for the home, but one never knew what type of illness might require assisted living. She wore a long skirt and a modest veil around her head. It reminded Esther of the hair coverings that some of her more conservative friends wore. The woman saw her and smiled, while motioning Esther into the room.

She liked something about her smile and joined her. “I heard you humming. It sounded like a song from…” She was going to say synagogue but didn’t know if she wanted to identify herself as an outsider just yet.

The woman grinned. “Sing with me! If there are any like us, they’ll come. And if they don’t know the songs, they’ll come for the food!” She gestured toward one of the tables, and Esther couldn’t believe her eyes. Four different desserts filled the table, and not just any desserts, but pastries identical to what her mother used to make for Passover or Hanukah years ago. There were crescent-shaped rugelach, cinnamon braided babka breads, triangular hamantaschen cookies, and Esther’s favorite, sufganiyot, little strawberry-filled donuts.

“I’m Miriam,” the younger woman said. “I’m a visitor, but I think we will find there are residents who will enjoy our treats.” She began to sing then, and Esther was amazed to hear the same accent her mother never had lost, even though she had emigrated as a teenager and spent almost 70 years in America.

Esther sang along, quietly first but then, encouraged by the joy and strength of Miriam’s voice, she sang Hava Nagila with gusto. Next Miriam began Dayeinu, one of Esther’s favorite songs from Seder celebrations.

Two women peeked into the room and, after their eyes widened at the sight of the treat table, entered and joined in the song. They were quite a choir now, and someone in the theater across the hall closed the door to keep out their noise. Laughing, they kept singing as first one, then two more men shyly entered and joined their voices to the group. They sang songs of faith and family and difficult times. They connected through their sung history, their eyes saying, “You, too? I didn’t know.”

Miriam changed to a soft, reverent Shema Yisrael and her little choir responded with tears in their eyes and emotion in their voices. When the song ended, the group began to introduce themselves or tell their tales. They were still visiting when the movie across the hall finished, and they invited other friends to come enjoy some delicious treats with them.

What had been quiet, unshared backgrounds now emerged as points of pride and opened the way for telling treasured stories. The Jewish elderly became a small community, welcomed within a larger community. The residents raved about the evening so much that the chef promised to try the recipes found under each serving tray. Soon cultural singalongs and desserts became a regular event.

Esther made many new friends that night, but somehow Miriam had slipped away before she was able to thank her. No one else seemed to have noticed her or knew which resident she might have been visiting.

(Excerpt from my Miriam’s Joy!)

May God bless your week and keep you healthy!

Best Self/Anti Self

Best Self/Anti Self

Welcome back to 4 Minutes 4 Growth!

This week we will switch over to our second author, Mike Bayer in Best Self: Be You, Only Better. He and Matthew Kelly have many ideas in common, but Bayer comes at self-improvement from a different angle. He starts by reminding us that we are each unique, and not only is that good, it is wonderful! Only we have the genes, experiences, and personality that come together to prepare us for our own contribution to this world. “Even when you don’t feel like you are anywhere near good enough, you are enough because of one simple truth… you are you! The only one.”

Bayer’s Best Self Model will take the reader through different spheres where improvement might help us to be our best self:

1. Social life
2. Personal life
3. Health
4. Education
5. Relationships
6. Employment
7. Spiritual development life

Though we are unique, we have some traits in common when we are operating out of our Best Self:

• We use a kind inner voice.Our self-talk is not critical.
• We are universally fearless, shameless, honest, empowered, grateful, and free.

To begin defining our Best Self, Bayer recommends we write down a list of every quality we possess, such as compassion, patience, enthusiasm, courage, or honor. Write whatever traits you are proud to feel are part of you. His book lists over 200 possibilities! He goes on to ask us to name a character that represents our best self, and even draw that character so we have a very visual image when we need to call our Best Self forward. I came up with Lassie. When I’m at my best I’m an intelligent, calm shepherd, who watches over others to keep them safe and help them thrive.

We are encouraged to keep this character in mind when we need to coach ourselves to better actions, remembering those traits we listed above and our universal ability to tap into being fearless, shameless, honest, empowered, grateful, and free. Reminding ourselves of all the things we are grateful for keeps us attuned to our Best Self and is a wonderful exercise whenever we begin to feel low. Have a gratitude attitude. Keep a gratitude journal.

Next, Bayer suggests we look at our dark side and list our traits that bring us and others down. What are the less-than-ideal behaviors we fall into when we are less than our best—when we are tired or sad, frightened or irritated? I know I’m quicker to anger, more impatient, and can be broody, even while feeling quite self-righteous. We should find a character that we draw and name for this “Anti-Self.” Mine is Chicken Little, who runs around announcing the sky is falling and then hides, all the while grumbling about everyone else.

When you have a good visual of your Anti-Self as well as your Best Self, the next time you are tempted to let your Chicken Little be in charge you (and I) can choose instead to put your Best Self, your version of my Lassie, in charge. The more often you make that decision, the more automatic it will become. And when life shifts, as life tends to do, rethink this exercise so that any new Anti-Self can be quickly recognized and overcome by your always growing Best Self.

In order to function more often from your better side, commit to approaching life with these “tenets of change”:

• Curiosity – keep learning about yourself and our world
• Honesty – doing the right thing, pursuing integrity
• Openness – being teachable, new concepts will lead to more success
• Willingness – put action into your new thinking
• Focus – staying on track, keeping your eye on the prize

Start to recognize what really recharges your energy (or Bayer says, recharges your authenticity battery). What do you do that makes you feel truly alive, or what activity makes you so focused that time flies by? How often do you get to do that?

And finally, how ready for change are you? Bayer cites the Transtheoretical Model which lists stages of change:

• Precontemplation – No intention or sense of need to change current behavior
• Contemplation – Aware that you need change, but no intention yet
• Preparation – Aware you need change, believe capable, intent on taking action
• Action – Actively modifying behavior toward improvement
• Maintenance – Sustaining your changed behavior; new actions replaced the old

Where are you in that list? What can you do to move toward action? Sometimes we need serious consequences or emotional, physical, or spiritual pain to force us into change. A heart attack may finally lead us to eat healthy. A spouse leaving can make us realize we must stop drinking. A failed exam can help us find the motivation to study. It’s much better to change ourselves before we hit such depths, but human nature tends to resist change. That’s sad, because positive change makes us feel so much better about ourselves! Move into the Action phase as quickly as possible and move toward happiness!

Next week we will look at obstacles that get in the way. In the meantime, have a wonderful week!

Our Mission

Last week we talked about finding what you love, living what you believe, and using self-discipline to achieve our goals. If you are struggling to make progress, it might help to write your goal on a note you can see several times a day.

This week we will look at three more of Matthew Kelly’s lessons toward a better self, from his book Perfectly Yourself – Discovering God’s Dream for You. We are hearing more and more about decluttering lately. Marie Kondo is helping people declutter with her book and her Netflix series. Our pastor is focusing on decluttering spiritually during Lent. Simplifying our lives makes room for growth and has been recommended by many great spiritual guides. In today’s society, few people live simple lives. More and more, complication seems to be the norm. But is that what we want?

Our purpose is to be the best-version-of ourselves, the person God created us to be.

In order to do that, we will need to focus on our values, on what is most important to us. We must simplify our lives enough to be able to spend some time in silence and solitude. We need to say no to requests that steal our time and overcrowd our lives. Kelly reminds us, “You have to find your place in the grand scheme of life, but you will not find it by busying yourself with a million things that were not intended for you.” If someone asks you to do something, take time to answer. Ask yourself what your motives would be for doing what they ask, and whether it is the best use of your time. Would the activity make you a better version of yourself? Or help others to be the best versions of themselves?

Once we make time to think and pray, we can analyze what our true motives are, and what we would like them to be. What makes us do what we do? Is it fear? Maybe the fear of not pleasing everyone? Wouldn’t we rather make decisions based on strength and faith? With choices made based on doing the right thing, clarity will follow, and decisions will be much easier.

More ideas for simplifying:

• Learn to enjoy things without having to own (and then take care of) them.
• Unplug your television for a week. Or a month. Read more. Talk to people more. Evaluate TV’s effect before you plug back in. Take control of its influence on your family.
• Seek happiness through contributing to the lives of others, rather than through things. Things only have value if they make us better people, or help others reach their potential.
• Simplifying your outer life brings clarity to your inner life.

Once you have more clarity, you can ask, what is my mission? What am I called to contribute to this world? Write down everything that comes to mind, large and small, from contributing to your family to an area of creativity that brings good to others. Our mission is driven by the needs of others and our need to serve; it is “a meeting between self and service.” It is where “our talents and passions collide with the needs of others and the world.” Frederick Buechner writes our mission is “the place where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.” It is to do… what we can, where we can, right now, to make the world better.

How do we find our mission? Kelly asserts, “By using the moments of each day to become the best-version-of-ourselves, by doing all the good things we feel inspired to do where we are right now, by investigating and developing our unique talents and deepest desires, and by listening to the voice of God in our lives.” No small order, but we only need to take baby steps. Now. The Holy Spirit leads us step-by-step, but only as we take each step.

“The greatest shift in most of our lives will take place when we decide to make ourselves radically available to serve.”

I liked this sentence in Kelly’s book: “Every time we encounter a person, we should give them a gift.” Whether it is a word of encouragement, or simply our focused attention and a smile, we can remind ourselves we are here to serve. Yet, to be most effective, we must balance service with our own needs, be they physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual.

We mustn’t let our fears and worries detract from our service. Kelly reminds us, “We are afraid because we don’t know how things are going to work out, but things are going to work out.” Look back on the things you have worried about. Didn’t they work out? Every problem that comes into our lives can teach us a lesson, strengthen a virtue, and build our character. We need to increase our faith that “God loves us, will provide for us, and most of all, that he has saved us.”

Turn to silence and solitude. God speaks to us there. He shows us where the good is in difficult situations. He leads us to “patiently seek the good in everyone and everything.” Look for what you agree on within an argument, before tackling where you differ in opinion. Seek the good in others, and also in yourself.

In summary, the final steps in Kelly’s book are:

• Simplify
• Focus on what you are here to give
• Patiently seek the good in everyone and everything

Next week we will begin to study Best Self, by Mike Bayer. In the meantime, let’s try each day to do one good thing that we don’t want to do.

Carefree Timelessness

Welcome to “4 Minutes 4 Marriage!”

For 12 years I’ve written Lenten posts that highlight the recommendations of counselors, therapists, and advisors.  This year’s focus is Marriage, and I plan to reintroduce some of the best marriage advice I’ve found.

4-minute posts may seem long and daunting, but rather than considering them too wordy to read right now, try to think of them as a very short, time-efficient Marriage course. You don’t even need to drive to class!hat said, let’s jump right in and use our 4 minutes well. Your relationship is worth it!

What do you want your marriage to be like? Close your eyes and imagine your spouse gazing at you with that, “I can’t believe how blessed I am” expression that melts your heart. Would you like to grow even closer to your special someone?

Matthew Kelly writes that the key to thriving relationships is carefree timelessness. By this he means spending time with people without an agenda, simply to enjoy their company. No matter what the relationship, whether spouse to spouse, parent to child, friend to friend, or person to God, increase carefree timelessness and it will deepen.

Watching TV together doesn’t count. Neither does reading your text messages side by side. Carefree timelessness is unscheduled, unhurried moments when you can focus on each other and let the time and the conversation meander and develop on its own.

Remember when you first met the love of your life? How easily the hours could pass spent in one another’s company. Conversations were easy and fun; you never ran out of topics to cover, not because you needed to exchange information, simply because you enjoyed knowing more about each other. Or remember how close you felt to the people who shared your last vacation? Strolls along the beach, hikes on forest trails, or easy games of Frisbee don’t accomplish concrete goals, but rather social and relational ones. We relax on vacation. We realize how much we value the people close to us.

Sadly, our busy-ness today is an enemy of growing intimacy and deepening relationships. We are too harried to slow down and enjoy each other. What a lost opportunity to share with our families the down time that seems so simple and yet draws us so close. Maybe due to tight finances, we give up our date night or take “stay-cations” and don’t leave home. Yet, if we don’t get away from our day-to-day responsibilities, we risk focusing on work, yard, or home projects, rather than refreshing our spirits.

And, oh dear, our Sabbaths suffer from overfilled schedules. Given to us as a gift from our Creator to help us renew ourselves and our relationships, Sundays instead become a day to cram in what we think we must accomplish before the next workweek begins: laundry, homework, unfinished office work, or shopping. Sabbaths are meant for renewal of ourselves and our relationships.

Our lives find their meaning in our relationships. Ask the people lying in the hospital, soon to leave this earth, what made their lives important. It’s the people who keep vigil at their bedside, the people they’ve loved or served, who are the monuments to their existence. The lives they’ve touched and improved give testimony to their accomplishments more than their promotions or patents do.

Yes, we need to work, and our employment is an opportunity to minister to the world by how we behave and what we produce. However, it is our love that will survive us and influence others profoundly.

There’s a country song, “She Thinks We’re Just Fishin’,” which portrays a dad realizing the times he spends fishing with his little girl are moments they both will remember and treasure. Go “fishing” with someone important to you!

We make time for our children:

• One dad jogs with each of his young adult children when they get together. I can imagine the interesting conversations caught between breaths.
• Another father sets aside Sunday afternoons to call each of his grown daughters, simply to catch up and stay connected.
• One friend never listens to the radio while driving her children, preferring the spontaneous conversations that seem easier while sitting beside each other, rather than face to face.
• My mother used to suggest window-shopping walks downtown at night after our small-town stores had closed. I don’t recall any life-changing conversations, but those walks told me she valued our time together, when time was a scarce commodity for a single mother.

If we can do it for our children, we can do it for our spouses.

So, this week’s homework: Spend a little carefree time with your spouse. No agenda, no goals to meet. Simply appreciate the moments together. Mute your cellphones. Turn off the TV. (You can pre-record the Olympics, so you don’t miss anything.) Take a walk. Or just hold hands and talk. Focus on him or her and the joy of shared time. Don’t problem solve. Reminisce. Dream. And don’t forget to schedule your next carefree time together.

Our marriage will improve if we regularly spend carefree timelessness with our beloved. We will move into higher levels of intimacy, perhaps sharing our hopes and goals, our fears and needs, and our efforts to become the best version of ourselves.

P.S. If you’d really like to test the parameters of this tool to intimacy, spend some carefree timelessness in prayer. Visit God in a chapel or sit in an easy chair near a window and turn your attention to him. Recognize you are in his presence always and everywhere. Chat with him. And listen.

You can learn more about Matthew Kelly at www.DynamicCatholic.com

Spiritual Calm

Given that I profess to believe that

• God is all good,

• God is all loving,

• God is all powerful,

• God wants what is best for me,

• And true happiness comes from following His will,

Then why am I not spiritually calm?

There can be many reasons, but let’s look at 4:

1. We know what God wants, but we don’t do it. Even St. Paul wrote, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15 Maybe we fail to do what we should because of:

• Resistance to change
  • Comfortable with what we know, we are satisfied with our current situation.
  • We’ve feel we’ve done enough and are good enough.

• Fears, such as:
  • What He has in store for us will be painful.
  • Service will take time away from our families and their needs.
  • We won’t be good enough at what God asks us to do.
  • He might lead us to death like the martyrs.

• Contrariness or choosing short-term over long-term gain
  • I don’t want to.
  • I don’t have time.
  • Maybe tomorrow.

• Wounds from the past
  • Criticism, judgment, or belittling has left us with low self-confidence.
  • Accusations from others of being a goody-goody, showing off, or seeming self-righteous.
  • Continued focus on our weaknesses makes it hard to believe we can do what He asks.

With all the above excuses for not doing what we know we should, we must remind ourselves that our all-loving God wants what is best for us, and true happiness comes from following His will.

But there is another wound from the past…

• Someone who represented God, or who pretended to, hurt us and/or someone we love.

In this case, imagine Jesus driving the money changers out of the temple. Or remember that Jesus was hardest on the Pharisees, the religious leaders. I believe the few examples of Jesus’ anger show He wants His church leaders to be Good Shepherds to His people, protecting the lambs rather than wounding them. I am so sorry you were hurt by the very people who should have shown you the most loving kindness. Please seek the healing you need to restore your spirit and know that, though we all are imperfect humans, this should not have happened to you.

2. The second reason we might not be spiritually calm is we don’t know what God’s will is. “But the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still, small voice.” 1 Kings 19:12

Sometimes we seek to choose between two options. If one (or both) were a bad thing, such as intentionally hurting an innocent person, we’d know it wasn’t God’s will. No dilemma Sometimes we seek to choose between two options. If one (or both) were a bad thing, such as intentionally hurting an innocent person, we’d know it wasn’t God’s will. No dilemma. But we might struggle to discern which direction God wants us to go when both are good choices, such as which career to follow, or whether to marry or consider a religious vocation as a single.

There is no substitute for prayer at these times, and even fasting. Consulting other trusted individuals who are wise mentors or counselors is helpful for pointing out areas you might have not considered, but the choice must be yours. Sincerely ask yourself if you really do know, but don’t want to admit it because of fear.

• Imagine for a few days you’ve made choice A. How does it make you feel? Do the same with choice B.
• If one choice seems more attractive, might it be that God is leading you by that attraction?
• Would your strengths serve one choice better than the other? Might God have been preparing you for this choice by your life experiences, even the difficult ones?
• Take time away from your routine to be free to think and pray through the decision. Ask God to lead you, and to redirect you if you are not making the choice He wants.

3. A third possibility is we are overwhelmed with non-spiritual matters. “For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a day of sabbath rest to the Lord.” Exodus 35:2

How balanced is your life? Have you set any boundaries that ensure time for spirituality, creativity, family closeness, or fun? Are you so tired that when you do have time, the only thing you have enough energy to do is sit in front of the TV? And then you fall asleep?

We are doing ourselves no favors by forgetting that God gave us one day each week to rest and refresh. On that day we should be enjoying our families, moving closer to Him through prayer or spiritual reading, and expressing our creative, fun side. Take one day a week, or start with part of a day, for growth and renewal. Snatch a few minutes each day for yourself. Don’t work through your vacation time. You need it. Your family needs it!

4. Perhaps we aren’t calm because our relationship with God is weak. How can we trust someone we don’t know?

Matthew Kelly writes about a very dependable way to deepen any relationship, be it with God, spouse, best friend, or children. He calls it, Carefree Timelessness. By this he means spending time without an agenda, simply to enjoy someone’s company. No matter what the relationship, increase carefree timelessness and it will deepen.

Remember being newly in love? How you could spend hours together without needing to accomplish anything? Remember the last time you felt really close to and connected with someone? Were you enjoying carefree timelessness? Probably so.

Spend some carefree timelessness with God. Visit Him in church, or sit in an easy chair near a window and turn your attention to Him. Recognize you are in His presence always and everywhere. Chat with Him. And listen.

I end this exploration of Calm with a disclaimer. Don’t expect to remain spiritually calm, even when you obey God’s nudges. We will find peace from obedience, but in my experience, it won’t be long before God nudges us back out of our new comfort zone and encourages us toward more growth. Then He will lead us to more joy!

Happy Easter!

Hope vs. Anxiety

   I am thinking about Hope today. In 2010 I published a novel named Hope and a Future. It was based on the Bible verse Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.…” God promises a prosperous future. And yet I still worry. I don’t trust him enough.

Jubilee Year of Mercy

Betty Arrigotti

Author of Christian Love Stories:
  Hope and a Future (Oaktara 2010)
  Where Hope Leads (Oaktara 2012)
  When the Vow Breaks (CreateSpace 2015)

Fighting Fear with God’s Help

Only two days until we celebrate Easter, complete with rabbits, chicks, and lambs. Our final post in the Fighting Fear series asks, “What do we, as lambs with a Good Shepherd, have to fear?”

In A Shepherd Looks at the 23^rd Psalm, Phillip Keller analyzes the psalm from both his perspective as a shepherd in Africa and later as a lay minister. As the psalm follows a flock of sheep through a year of care, Keller helps us understand the goodness of our Shepherd as the rural culture of biblical times would have understood the story.

He explains the psalm:

The Lord is my shepherd–

David, the psalmist and a shepherd, understood how much his people and we are like sheep. He’s proud and jubilant that our Shepherd is the one who created the immense universe and yet He cares about and for each of us. As Jesus asserts that He is the Good Shepherd, we learn that this guardian and guide of ours is willing to die for us. We belong to Him because He created us and because He bought our redemption with His death. He is a shepherd of compassion and integrity.

I shall not want–

The author suggests a double meaning to these words. I shall not lack anything (though tribulation will come our way) but also, if I accept the Lord as my shepherd, my contentment should be obvious to others. I don’t need to pursue my own desires.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures–

Sheep only are willing to lie down if they are free from fear, tension from the dominance of flock mates, aggravations from parasites and insects, and hunger. Only the shepherd can alleviate these needs: he protects, rebukes contention, applies oil to prevent infestation, and provides rich, lush fields through hard work in the typical dry lands where sheep flourish. Simply seeing him in the field will calm them. Like the sheep, we have our fears, our fights for status, our petty irritations and challenges, and a spiritual hunger. Through His Spirit and His Word he calms our fears, encourages love, guides us through our challenges, and delights in being with us, satiating our hunger.

He leads me besides the still waters–

A good shepherd brings his sheep to pasture while the grass is still heavy with dew. He leads them away from polluted puddles and guides them to fresh water. He maintains the streams and pools of his land so that they are clean and safe for his flock, or labors to draw heavy buckets of water from wells. Our Good Shepherd satisfies our thirst by drawing us to Him. Like sheep led to grass while dew is still heavy, we are encouraged to turn our thoughts to Him before our day begins, studying his Word and conversing with Him.

He restores my soul–

We are not always at peace. Sometimes we are downcast and disheartened. Sheep, too, are frequently “cast,” which means they lie down and either because of the hollow they choose, the heaviness of their fleece, or being overweight, they flounder with legs up and unable to right themselves. Left this way they can die quickly from abdominal gas buildup or predators. When we find ourselves to be helpless, unable to recover from a mistake or sin, our Shepherd leaves the 99 sheep to search for, find, and set us lovingly back on our feet. He restores our souls!

He leads me in right paths for His name’s sake–

Sheep tend to stay in a rut. They will follow the same path, drink in the same spot, and forage down to the roots rather than move on. Left long in the same area, they will devastate the land, pollute the waters, and beat paths into gullies. If the shepherd rotates them through different pastures, they enhance the soil and the fertilized grass can regrow.

Our Good Shepherd also wants to lead us in healthy ways. However, like sheep, we would rather stay in our ruts than allow ourselves to be led. In order for us to enhance His Kingdom, we need to love our Lord and others. And by love He means self-sacrifice. He leads us to fresh experiences of service, humility, acceptance, and trust through the enabling help of his Spirit.

Yea, though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil for you are with me–

As summer comes, shepherds drive their sheep through valleys to reach higher ground. The going isn’t easy; it is uphill, and often fraught with danger from storms, flash floods, and predators, but it’s the fastest way to reach the better grazing. We too may want to move to “higher ground” with God, but we forget that the way to higher-ground, closer relationship is through our struggles up the valley. Yet He is with us as we walk through the valley. When faced with true death, either of loved ones or our own, we have faith that we pass through it into eternal life. Our struggles and sufferings become the road to God. We have no need to be afraid. In fact, when we have passed through the valleys, we can become encouragers to those still struggling through their own valleys.

Your rod and your staff they comfort me–

A shepherd’s rod was a strong club for redirection or protection for the flock. The rod symbolizes the Word of God. We take comfort and assurance from His Word that He is all powerful and will lovingly redirect us onto the right path.

The staff with its hooked end was used to rescue sheep trapped in briars or struggling in water, as well as to move a newborn lamb closer to its mother without the risk of the shepherd’s scent on the lamb causing the mother to reject it. The staff symbolizes the Spirit of God, reminding us of God’s comfort, consolation, and tenderness. The Spirit draws us together into an intimate relationship with our parental God and with other members of His flock.

When we truly believe that we can trust our loving Shepherd, the rod and the staff are comforts.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies–

In the highlands, or table lands, flocks spent the summer on land the shepherd had prepared for them by removing poisonous plants, seeking out snakes, and adding salt and minerals to the soil. The sheep and shepherd spend days and nights together, away from their farm, and the psalmist reflects this intimacy as his words change from sheep boasting about their wonderful shepherd to praise spoken directly to the shepherd. Though grazing was rich on these table lands, predators stalked the flock and were kept away only by the vigilance of the shepherd.

We take comfort knowing our Good Shepherd has gone before us, and knows of every danger we will encounter, praying for us like He did for Peter that we might not fail in faith. Because of the predator of Evil, it is wise for us to walk closely to Jesus. Work to always know Him better through the Word, the Church, prayer life, sacrificial love, and holy mentors.

You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows–

Summer flies and pests torment sheep. Nose flies can lay eggs that will become parasites that drive the sheep mad. Also, affectionately rubbing heads, sheep infect each other with scab. To protect the sheep, a conscientious shepherd will repeatedly anoint their heads with oil, which repels the insects and infection and brings them relief.

Haven’t we all had pesky irritations that prevented us from being our best? Haven’t we or our children “put our heads together” with people who do not believe as we do and come away exposed to destructive thoughts? We too need the balm of the Holy Spirit to calm our minds and refocus our beliefs. Rather than frustration demanding our attention, we can, through the Spirit who comforts, claim the fruits of joy, contentment, love, patience, gentleness and peace.

Not only will our own cup be full, but it will overflow for the good and blessing of others.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life–

As the shepherd has diligently cared for the flock, the sheep trust him and don’t fear for the future. We too know our Good Shepherd showers goodness and kindness upon us daily and we must trust He will continue to do so all the days of our lives, no matter what difficulties lie ahead for us.

Yet, perhaps the psalmist meant more. Sheep enrich the lands they travel through. Perhaps we, by being so tenderly loved, by having our cups overflow, will also provide goodness and mercy to others. Goodness should follow us wherever we go and whatever we do, a legacy of blessing for our fellow sheep.

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long–

In the fall the sheep return from the tablelands to their homeland, full and healthy and ready for winter. The speaker sheep proclaims how proud he is of his shepherd. Shepherds also take pride in and joy from their flock’s well-being.

We too should take pride in belonging to our Shepherd’s fold, “enfolded” by His love, and being welcome to dwell in the house of the Lord forever. We should be like the boasting sheep. Our love and contentment should proclaim to the world how good our Shepherd is.

With a loving Good Shepherd to watch over us, what or whom should we fear?

Thank you for reading these weekly Lenten posts. I hope they have helped you. May the Easter season fill you with new courage!

Worry Free Living

This is our penultimate week of preparation for Easter. It’s also our next-to-last look at how to fight fear in our lives. I just listened to Chris Tomlin’s song, Whom Shall I Fear, with the line, “The God of angel armies is always by my side.” What more could we ask to uphold our courage?

The book we focus on this week is Worry Free Living, by Frank Minirth, M.D., Paul Meier, M.D., and Don Hawkins, Th.M.  Though it was published in 1989, it still holds great insight, and used copies are available on Amazon. Written by two psychiatrists and a minister, this book pulls together guidance for our minds and our hearts.

The authors believe we experience anxiety when we are afraid to look at a negative emotion inside us, such as, anger, guilt, lust, or resentment. The Holy Spirit uses anxiety to draw our attention to something that needs to be aired. Though we might not want to admit a hidden truth, we must uncover it, and forgive ourselves or someone else or ask for forgiveness, in order to rid ourselves of anxiety. Forgiveness involves becoming aware of our anger and then choosing not to hold the offense against the person, in order to unburden ourselves. We decide not to seek revenge or even dwell on the offense. We don’t lick our wounds.

As we’ve read from other authors, a little anxiety can be a good thing, if it helps us prepare or encourages us to work in order to dispel the worry. Too much anxiety can lead to defense mechanisms, phobias, mental disorders, addictions, physical complications, and spiritual hopelessness. Sometimes professional help is necessary, but the authors suggest steps of self-help can prevent or alleviate anxiety for most of us:

• Meditate daily, including meditation on Scripture.
• Condition yourself to relax, using a repetitive phrase (like our affirmations) or visualizing a beautiful place to calm yourself.
• Listen to soothing music.
• Talk through problems to vent the pressure with someone you trust, and listen to theirs, too
• Limit your worry to a 15-minute time slot and push aside worries until that time (As a parent, when my girls became highly anxious we would walk around the block once or twice, limiting our expressing-worry time to that walk.
• Live one day at a time, not thinking “what if” about the future, or “if only” about the past.
• Design an Action Plan. Do something to lessen your anxiety, for instance take an assertiveness class if you have trouble expressing your wants and needs.
• Cultivate awareness of God’s presence with you. (Our God of angel armies!)
• Decide to obey God, both to avoid guilt, a source of anxiety, and because He commands us not to worry.
• Replace worry with prayer.
• Give up faulty beliefs, like perfectionism or the necessity of winning approval from all.
• Adopt a healthy lifestyle in the areas of sleep, diet, recreation, and exercise.
• Examine your self-talk and replace the negative with positive. Replace a low self-image with a sense of your worth as a child of God.
• Grow in intimacy with others. Reach out, build healthy friendships. If you aren’t able to do this, then reach out to a counselor to help you learn how. A good friend offers love, peace, open communication, mutual improvement, and refreshment.
• Grow in intimacy with God through prayer, Scripture, and meditation. Since God is for us, who can be against?

I suspect each reader has methods they use to counter fear and anxiety. As we mature, we adopt methods of self-soothing. I tell myself, “I’m safe right now.” One reader emailed that she prays, “Jesus, I trust in You.” Another reminds herself to “claim my power” or “take control of my life”.

How do you fight fear?

Fighting Fear with Fear

We’ve looked at fighting fear from a psychological perspective; we’ve talked about thinking positively, acting in spite of fear, and respecting reasonable fear.

This week, let’s turn to fighting fear spiritually. In Courage: Fighting Fear with Fear, authors Wayne and Joshua Mack remind us that nurturing fear is not part of God’s plan for us. Repeatedly, 365 times even, the Old and New Testaments instruct us not to fear. For the Macks, when Jesus tells us, “Let not your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me (John 14:1),” He is giving a command, not a soft encouragement. God wants us to be in relationship with Him, and that relationship is meant to be one of love and trust. Worrying shows a lack of trust, a disbelief that God is all-powerful, loves us unconditionally, and wants what is best for us. To be afraid of people and what they think of us borders on or is outright disobedience, because we should only be concerned with following God’s guidance. In fact, by nurturing fear, we often fail to be our best selves, and fail to live out the life of meaning that God intends us to live, thus cheating ourselves and others of the graces He wishes to bestow.

The words of the title, Fighting Fear with Fear, refer to replacing our fear of man with a healthy, holy fear of God. This concept has bothered me since I was a child. Why should we fear God, if He is all loving and all good?

An alternate translation of “It is the Lord of hosts whom you should regard as holy. And He shall be your fear, and He shall be your dread,” (Isaiah 8:13) is instead, “The Lord of Hosts, Him shall you hallow.” To hallow means to make holy, to have great respect or hold in reverence. It can mean to sanctify, as in setting apart as holy. If we “fear” God, as in hold Him in respect and awe while setting Him apart as exalted above all else, we recognize his complete power and control of every situation. If we set God apart as holy, He becomes our holy place. Our refuge. We turn away from sin because we “fear” God, respecting and honoring Him with our actions and choices. Yes, we may suffer, but we trust His plan will transform our suffering to good.

The authors point out that frequently in the Bible, the commands for us to fear God are followed by promises of consequential blessings to us:

• God will instruct us and guide us in our choices. (Psalm 25:12)
• Our souls will abide in prosperity. (Ps 25:13) And what is soul prosperity? Direction and meaning in life, inner joy and satisfaction, inner peace.
• Our descendants shall inherit the earth. (Ps 25:13, Ps 112:2) The positive influence will affect our children and our grandchildren
• The psalm continues saying the secret of the Lord is for us. This implies a very close intimacy, for it is only with our dearest that we share our secrets. (Ps 25:14)
• He hides us from the conspiracies of man. (Ps 31:20)
• We will influence others, even after our death. (Ps 112:6)
• We will not fear evil tidings. (Ps 112:7,8) 

Our fears put the focus on us, rather than our trust in God. Fear can be selfish and debilitating to what good we can accomplish. It runs counter to the two great commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind,” and, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matt. 10:28) The Macks write, “When you fear man, you are not loving God with all you have, and you aren’t loving your neighbor as yourself.” The opposite of a spirit of fear is a spirit of love. The former is self-protecting, the latter is self-giving.

How do we rid ourselves of unhealthy fear?

• Exercise our faith daily; trusting God’s Word that He is in control of everything.

• Remember heaven and how eternal it is, compared to our current short-term worry.
• Be prudent, protecting ourselves from real danger, but not to the point that it keeps us from serving others in need.
• Ask ourselves if our fear keeps us from obeying God’s commands, or causes us to disobey them.
• Replace sinful fear with holy fear, that which puts or keeps us on the right path.
• Feel sorrow and repentance when we don’t trust God enough to overcome our fear of man. 

How do we attain a healthy “fear” of God?

• Ask for a change of heart from God, that we might fear Him rather than anything or anyone else. We must ask for forgiveness and for this grace to fear Him.
• Revere God and respect those whom God has given authority.
• Devote ourselves to prayer.
• Study God’s word.
• Meditate on the truth: our sinfulness, God’s salvation, God’s goodness, His mighty works, His judgment, and His blessings. “Be still and know that I am God.” Ps 46:10
• Follow Christ’s example, which includes taking up our cross and dying to ourselves. We must trust that since God is good, when we suffer it is for his purpose, and that purpose will be for our best, even though we don’t understand.

  Here’s my favorite quote from this week’s book, which wouldn’t be a bad addition to our daily affirmations:

  “God knows, God cares, God understands, God is loving, God is good, God is sovereign, He is in control, and He will deliver my soul from destruction and keep me in my times of difficulty. There is a way out. God will work all things together for good. He will not abandon me.” 

  Finally, in the words of St. Pope John Paul II: “Do not be afraid. Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.”