Grandparenting with Grace: A Special Role

Ready to spend an easy 4 minutes weekly towards growth? This Lent’s topic is grandparenting, which is a bit more focused than some other years. It might seem irrelevant to people who aren’t grandparents yet, but we all had grandparents, and we all can be grandparent-like to other children. How did you feel about your grandparents? Loved them? Barely knew them? Are you blessed enough that they are still in this life? If you are in the throes of parenting now, how would you like your parents to grandparent your children? What do you wish they knew or would do? Or not do? It might make a very interesting, productive conversation.

I hope you hold fond memories of your grandparents. My maternal grandmother could be funny but also reserved and wise. I still find her adages coming out of my mouth 20 years after she passed. My grandfather was playful, cautious, and dedicated to his family. My heart warms each time I think of standing on his feet while we danced when I was very little.

Perhaps you don’t have memories of some of your grandparents, but stories about them were part of your upbringing. I was told I took after my grandmother’s mother, and that made me feel proud, for I knew my grandmother admired her. Other greats- and grandparents brought their faith to this country amid difficult trials and that made me value my faith all the more. Our parents’ parents are an integral part of us.

According to The Catholic Grandparents Handbook, by Lorene Hanley Duquin, grandparents serve different roles in different families, from preserver of family legacy, to mentor, teacher, nurturer, role model, and even playmate. The relationship is a treasure, and grandparents hold a special place in the hearts of their grandchildren. Unlike parents, grandparents don’t have to focus on expectations of the life the child will lead in the future. They can focus on who the child is right now and how wonderful he or she already is! And isn’t that part of the joy of grandparenting? We don’t in most cases have the responsibility that parents do to challenge their children to be the best they can be. As grandparents, we get to always be their cheerleaders and encouragers while reminding them that they are perfectly lovable just the way they are.

They need us. Yes, in every child’s experience there are times when they haven’t pleased their parents, or when the responsibility to discipline means the child isn’t very happy with their parents. At these times grandparents are a safe haven where they know they are always loved, no matter what they do. If grandchildren feel their grandparents’ unconditional love, they can flourish and will remember us warmly.

And we need them. According to psychologist Erik Erikson, each stage of our lives has a lesson for us to master if we want to continue to mature well. The age span between 40-65, when most people become grandparents for the first time, is a period for us to share our knowledge with others create something that will last beyond us—a time of generativity, as opposed to stagnation. We have a need to make the world a better place in some way. So, grandchildren can be a source of generativity for us as we “pass on” our faith, wisdom, love, and understanding. What better way to make the world a better place than helping to form a generation who learns something from us that endures?

What legacy will we leave to our grandchildren? I hope mine will remember I loved them unconditionally and taught them something spiritual or wise. Perhaps my words will come to their lips unbidden.

One of the hardest parts of this time of quarantine, for me and many others, has been our isolation from our grandchildren. I miss our hugs, setting little ones on my lap, or cuddling up to read a story. We’ve come to appreciate how very important our relationship is, now that health dangers keep us apart. So, while we avoid the hugs and snuggles we long for and wait for our vaccines, we have time to ask ourselves, “What type of grandparents do we want to be?”

I’ve found that a movement has begun sporadically across our nation as churches begin to see that grandparenting as a ministry could use more attention. Parishes might have marriage classes, parenting speakers, education for children and teens, and maybe even social gatherings for senior groups, but little to this point for the ministry of grandparenting. And from what I hear, we could use some support, especially as we struggle to know how to handle such challenges as:

So, let’s spend the next few weeks thinking about grandparenting and how to make the most of it. We can review some pitfalls to avoid, and perhaps offer ideas to enhance what we are already doing. We can open the conversation with our friends and see what we can learn.

Wisdom nugget: “One of the best things you can do for your grandchildren is to love their parents!” Larry E McCall

May God bless your week.

Betty Arrigotti

Author of Christian Love Stories, available at Amazon:

• Hope and a Future (Marriage
• Where Hope Leads (Premarriage)
• When the Vow Breaks (Family Secrets)
• Their Only Hope (Standing Up to Evil)
• Miriam’s Joy! (Virgin Mary Visits Us)

From Jesus’ Grandma

Imagined letters from Jesus’ grandma, Anne of Nazareth:

 Dear Cousin Elizabeth,

Congratulations on the birth of your son! Mary tells me John is a handsome and healthy child. Joachim and I are very happy for you! And thank you for welcoming our daughter into your home. We were, of course, confused, but we have come to believe, as you immediately did, that she is telling us the truth and that we anticipate the birth of our Messiah, praise be the Lord! I only hope she and Joseph will return from travel to Bethlehem for the census soon. I am afraid her time will come and I won’t be there to help her.

 

Dear Elizabeth,

We hear such terrible news from Bethlehem! We are told that King Herod suspected the Messiah was born in that tiny town. Mary and Joseph should have been back weeks ago. She surely has borne her child by now. Our only hope is that they escaped and are hiding. I know I must trust God that he will keep his Son and my daughter safe, but oh, how I am plagued with fear.

Just when I am about to be a grandmother for the first time, I must pray that our baby Messiah stay hidden. It is a small sacrifice we are asked to make to not yet hold him in our arms. If we were younger we would go search for them ourselves. Of course, you have shown me what women our age are capable of! Dearest cousin, you are not far from Bethlehem. I pray that Mary made her way to your home. If so, please send news with the next caravan. Not knowing pains my heart.

 

Dear Anne,

We too heard whispers from Bethlehem of the terrible tragedy of the little innocents, but also amazing tales of angels in the sky speaking to the shepherds of a child in a manger, and even of wealthy Magi bringing him vast riches and doing him homage. Of course, you know how tales grow, but deep in my soul I believe there must be some truth to their stories.

I have heard today about an infant who was brought for his circumcision to the temple, causing a holy man and woman to declare that they have seen the Messiah. They said his name was Jesus. Surely, this must have been your grandson! Zachariah is studying scripture to see if the prophets can offer you insight.

 

Dearest Elizabeth,

Great news! A merchant has brought word that our three are safe, though I know not where they have gone for they feared the wrong people would overhear. Praise the Father of Abraham and rescuer of Isaac! I hope they are far from the reach of this king! I worry what they will do for money, though Joachim assures me a good carpenter like Joseph can find work wherever he goes.

 

Dear Anne,

I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear of sweet Mary’s safety and that Joseph and the Child are well. I know, now that I’ve become a mother, that I would walk to the ends of the world—or even Egypt—to keep our little John safe, though I hope the three found shelter much closer than that.

 

Dear Elizabeth,

We know we must be patient. We continue to pray that we will soon hold our grandchild and give him our blessing. I imagine us teaching him to read the Torah, like one of my dearest memories of Mary. For now, I will prepare for them so that when they return, even if they arrive years from now in the tatters of refugees, all will be ready. We will wait, always in mind of how the child grows. Lord willing, my faith and hope will grow, too.

 

Dear Anne,

After all this time I rejoice to tell you the beloved Holy Family sleeps safely in our home! All are well. They will rest and then join the next caravan to return to you. Lord willing, the little Messiah will run to your outstretched arms very soon.

Like our imagined Anne, we prepare for Christ’s coming. When the Holy Child (or any child) comes to us, let’s open our arms with faith, hope, and joy.