How to Stop a Bad Relationship Before It Starts

You’ve met someone charming, but how can you tell if it’s just an act that later will give way to the true jerk within?

In an Oregonian article Saturday, April 28, 2012, Katy Muldoon interviews Stephen T. McCrea, whose work with survivors of domestic abuse prompted him to write Jerk Radar: How to Stop a Bad Relationship Before It Starts.

He writes tips for avoiding The Jerk:

1. Go slowly: Most jerks rush to get you involved and committed because it gives them more control over you.
2. Beware extreme charm: He may be trying to overwhelm you with romance so you don’t examine him too closely.
3. Maintain friends and family: If he doesn’t like it dump him quick. He’s more interested in control than love.
4. Watch for hostile humor: If he puts others down, look out. Eventually he’ll put you down, too.
5. Listen for blame: If he blames others for his trouble, he’ll soon blame things on you.
6. Ask about the ex: Trash-talking a former partner is a bad sign. He’ll whine about you to his next girlfriend.
7. Check his reputation: If he’s had lots of stormy relationships, has a rep for anger, has been a womanizer, frequently loses jobs, or has been in and out of prison, you’re probably buying trouble.
8. Don’t try to “fix” him: If you don’t like his behavior early when he’s putting his best foot forward, it’ll be downhill from there. You’re his girlfriend, not his counselor.
9. Say “no” to addicts. Don’t buy “I’ll quit for you.”
10. Be yourself: Don’t change who you are to make him want to be with you. Don’t worry about rejection. If he does something that bothers you, say so. If you think he’s being disrespectful, tell him. If you thing he’s trying to make you feel guilty, don’t give in. If he moves on because you can’t be manipulated, that’s a good thing. It is better to be by yourself than to be with a jerk.

McCrea stresses his book is designed to help people detect abusive tendencies early in a relationship. Those in longer term relationships who feel scared or intimidated by a partner, or trapped and unable to get away should call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-7999-7233.

To see the full article click http://www.oregonlive.com/living/index.ssf/2012/04/jerk_radar_author_shares_advic.html