5 Shelter the Homeless

How might we Shelter the Homeless?

• Donate to safe houses.
• Host a foreign exchange student.
• Sponsor a fundraiser for shelters.
• Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.
• Become a foster parent or consider adoption.
• Offer to do repair work for a neighbor in need.
• Welcome a person in transition to live with you for a while.
• Or, drive someone to safety…

Night Shift

In a different part of town, Miriam parked a borrowed minivan in front of a house, just as a young woman fled out its door, carrying a baby about six months old. An angry man was not far behind the woman, raising a crowbar and screaming, “You get back here, or I swear I’ll kill you both!”

Miriam reached across the seat and opened the passenger’s door and called, “Tiana, jump in!”

Tiana did, slammed the car door behind her, and Miriam sped away, leaving an irate man screaming in the street. He threw the crowbar like a javelin, but it missed its target.

After several turns, and when both women were sure they weren’t followed, Miriam parked long enough for Tiana to strap her daughter into the baby seat in the back. As soon as she was back in the minivan, Miriam began driving again.

Tiana said, “Thank you, Jesus, for putting as much distance between me and that man as we can.” Then she really looked at Miriam. “Who are you? I thought you were my mother. Your voice sounded just like hers, or I might not have jumped into your car. How did you know I needed you right then?”

Miriam, with skin darker than Tiana’s and dressed like older women from the islands, smiled a bright white smile. “Child, my name is Miriam, and I guess I was in the right place at the right time, praise God. Was that your husband?”

“Well, he’s my daughter’s father. He’s not that bad most of the time.” She sounded defensive and then softened her voice. “And I love him.”

“Mmm hmm,” Miriam said, and her tone spoke volumes.

“I do, God help me, I do,” said Tiana.

“Love is one thing, and safety is another,” said Miriam. “Men can forfeit the right to be with their families by hurting women or children. Your little Jayda, there, depends on you to keep her safe.”

“I’d never let him hurt her!”

“You wouldn’t mean to, but his anger seems unpredictable and out of control.”

“Usually I can see it coming, but not always,” she admitted. “Sometimes it isn’t me he’s angry with at all, but I’m the one who’s available.”

“Tiana, you would give your life for this baby, am I right?”

Tiana turned to check on her daughter in the backseat. “Absolutely.”

“Then for now, you need to sacrifice your feelings for her daddy and protect her. He’s wounded and you can’t fix him, but it’s possible that losing you two might be just what he needs to make him get help. Promise me you won’t go back to him until someone professional assures you he’s done the work and can control his temper. Will you promise me that?”

“But where will I go in the meantime?”

Miriam pulled the minivan in front of an ordinary looking, but large house and parked. “Promise me?”

Tiana looked back at her baby, who was now sweetly snoring in the car seat. “Yes, ma’am. I promise.”

This is a safe house. They are expecting you and will help you both along the way.”

“But…” Tiana shook her head in confusion. “How did you know?”

“Your mama’s been talking to me, child. Now scoot! Off you go.”

Tiana climbed out of the car, lifted Jayda out of the car seat, and hesitated before closing the door.

“Know you are very, very loved,” said Miriam.

“Thank you,” said Tiana with a nod. Then she closed the car door with a quiet click, straightened her back, and walked up to the home. Before she even knocked, the door swung open to her future.

(Excerpted from my Miriam’s Joy!)

4 Visit the Imprisoned, Ransom the Captive

How appropriate to speak of the imprisoned during this week when many of us “shelter at home” or self-quarantine. Though enjoyable for the first few days, we may all feel a bit imprisoned before the virus is overcome.

In Jesus’ time, people could be imprisoned until they could pay their debts. I assume this required friends or family to ransom the captive.

How might we visit the imprisoned (beyond the obvious jail call) or ransom the captive?

In this time of the COVID-19 scare, people might feel isolated in their homes.

• Visit through a phone call to stay connected.
• Write letters and bring joy to mail delivery time.
• Share what is in short supply.

Regardless of COVID-19:

• Teach children about the dangers of debt.
• Encourage and support those held captive by their fears or addictions.
• Send a hand-written note to a loved one who is isolated by distance.
• Pray for those countries who still don’t know freedom.

After the virus scare calms down,

• Visit the elderly in residential care facilities. Join with others to entertain them.
• Donate your old DVDs, video tapes, or books to group homes.
• Check on and offer to run an errand for the homebound.
• Or, visit someone in the hospital who must adjust to what they see as imprisonment…

Night Shift

Miriam settled into a chair next to the bed of a 16-year-old boy. The hospital noises were subdued, for most patients were fast asleep at 2:00 a.m.

“Who’s there?” the boy asked, his voice giving away his fear.

“Hi, Matthew. My name is Miriam. I’m a volunteer, and I work the night shift.”

“Yeah, I figured it was night. The halls are quieter.” He had relaxed a little.

“You’re having trouble sleeping?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Since the accident?”

“Yeah.”

“Your uncle, Father Dave, tells me all about you. He says you’ve lost your sight. I’m very sorry. And yet you are being so brave.”

“I guess.” He turned toward her voice. “It’s confusing, not being able to see whether it’s day or night. I’m always awake. At least, it feels that way.”

Miriam laid her hand on his. “And you’re terribly bored when everyone else is asleep or busy?”

He sighed.

“Do you like dogs?” she asked.

“You mean, do I want a seeing eye dog?” His voice assured her he didn’t.

“No, I just mean dogs in general. Do you like them?”

He nodded. “I miss my dog, Midnight.”

“What kind is he?”

“Mostly Labrador, I think. Maybe something else in the mix.”

“I have a friend with a black lab mix. He’s a real character. In fact, one time,” Miriam settled back in her chair and chuckled. “Well, let me start at the beginning. As a pup, he loved to steal socks and play with them. He’d growl and shake them, probably imagining they were great enemies. Then he’d toss them up in the air and pounce on them once they’d landed. Now my friend didn’t appreciate finding her socks wadded up, soggy, and often quite holey, so she bought tennis balls for the dog and kept her socks hidden away.

“But the Lab wasn’t disappointed, for now he had a prey that could roll and bounce. All the better, I’m sure he thought. And before long the dog had concocted all sorts of games with his tennis balls. One that my friend couldn’t quite understand involved a laundry chute. You know what those are? Kind of a hole that lets you drop dirty clothes down to a laundry room below. Fascinating invention.”

The boy nodded, and smiled, just a bit.

“The Lab started dropping the tennis ball down the laundry chute, watching it land, then tearing down the stairs to retrieve it!”

“My dog loves tennis balls, too!” Now the boy was grinning.

Miriam giggled. “But once on his way back up the stairs with it, the ball slipped out of his mouth, and of course, bounced all the way down. The dog’s ears went up, and I think you could almost hear the gears in his head turning. For the rest of the day he would run up the stairs, drop the ball, nudge it if needed, and then chase it down the stairs.”

The boy chuckled.

“But wait, that’s not all!” Miriam said, laughing quietly, not wanting to wake anyone. “Yesterday I walked with my friend and her dog to the park. You aren’t going to believe this, but it’s true! When we got near the play structure, she let him off leash, and I figured she would toss him a ball, but no! As soon as the dog heard the leash unbuckle, ears flapping and tongue flopping, he sped towards the slide, ran up the steps as if he’d done this a thousand times and then hunkered down and slid down the slide!” Here she laughed so hard, still trying to be quiet, that she wrapped her arms around her sides to keep them from aching.

The boy too, couldn’t keep his laughs in, whether from her story, or the sound of her trying to control her giggles.

When they had calmed, she explained, “My friend said it only took once watching his ball roll down the slide, and he was hooked. Now he doesn’t even need the ball. He runs up the steps, glides down the slide without a moment’s hesitation, and then does it all again as fast as he can. She doesn’t dare take him off his leash if children are playing. She’s afraid he’d bowl them over!”

The boy smiled broadly now, looking up at a ceiling he couldn’t see, but clearly imagining the scene for himself. “I’ll have to try that with my dog,” he finally said.

Miriam chatted with him for another hour until he drifted off to sleep. As she left, she stopped at the nurses’ station. “Hello, Meagan,” she said to one, who didn’t look surprised since she wore a nametag.

Her eyes did widen a moment later, however, when Miriam said, “You know that little electronic music keyboard that’s in your car waiting to be donated? I bet Matthew, your patient in room 231, would love playing around with that. He could use the headphones so that he doesn’t disturb anyone. It might help him be less bored. Oh, and thank you for the work you all do here with the children!”

Miriam walked toward the elevators, leaving one big-hearted nurse still at a loss for words.

(Excerpted from my Miriam’s Joy!)

May God bless your week and keep you healthy.

3 Clothe the Naked

Welcome back! I am praying you and your loved ones avoid the corona virus. If you are self-quarantining, let me distract you…

From the Old Testament:

Is not this the fast that I choose: [   ]to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicatorshall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.

Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am.

Isaiah 58:6-9 (NRSVCE)

And the New Testament:

“He who has two coats, let him share with him who has none and he who has food must do likewise. [Lk 3:11]

How might we Clothe the Naked?

• Clean out our closets and donate used clothing to Goodwill or another charity.
• Contribute diapers to shelters or safe houses.
• Buy new coats for foster children during their annual drive.
• Sew, knit, or crochet hats, gloves, or scarves for those in need.
• Keep socks in your glovebox to give to homeless who are asking for money.
• Or, in an emergency, give what you are wearing…

Night Shift

A young, frightened teen couldn’t believe it. Until tonight, she had hidden her pregnancy for almost nine months. Luckily, she wasn’t like those slim, blonde cheerleaders who would have shown within the first weeks. She had donned baggy sweats once she realized what was happening, and no one had guessed. Not many really looked at her, anyway. But then, tonight, her mother must have noticed, or maybe she finally saw how her “stepdad” ogled her. Before she knew quite what was happening, her mom had thrown her out of the house. Well good. She’d never have to avoid her mother’s boyfriend and his roving… everything… again. But where would she go right now? She had no close friends to ask for help, no teachers who made her feel seen, let alone special.

She had walked about a mile in the dark—the Portland’s spring rain feeling colder than usual—simply wandering, trying to figure out where to go. Suddenly she felt her first, but terrifyingly strong contraction, and with that, her water broke. “Oh God! Oh God! Jesus, Mary, Joseph! Help me!”

It wasn’t supposed to happen this fast. She’d read about deliveries in the school library. She figured it would take hours, but instinct told her she would give birth in a matter of minutes. Her back had been aching all day; could that have been the beginning? She scanned her surroundings, realizing that she couldn’t make it far in this condition. She wasn’t in the best part of town, the rows of apartments around her were in the same disrepair as the one her mother rented, but then she spotted shelter beneath some stairs that led up from the sidewalk to a building’s front door. It gave her enough seclusion and cover that she might remain hidden, if only she could stay quiet. If this baby came without anyone else knowing, maybe she could take it somewhere safe, leave it, and go back to her normal life. She slipped into the dark, bumping into a bicycle locked and stored there.

Another contraction nearly laid her flat. She squatted and panted like in the movies she’d seen. She gritted her teeth and allowed only a whispered, “God, help me!” to escape.

Who was she kidding? Her life would never be normal again, and she could never go back to her mother and the creep she let live with them. She felt hopeless.

Suddenly she realized she wasn’t alone under the stairs. Of course not, she thought. Houseless people know all these makeshift shelters. However, another contraction kept her from being able to move.

“Shh, don’t be afraid. You’re going to be all right,” a woman’s voice whispered. “I’ll help you.”

Who was she to argue? She’d asked God for help. Maybe this was His doing.

The woman took off her coat and motioned for the girl to remove her pants. She covered the girls’ naked legs with the coat, tenting it over her raised knees, and slid newspapers under her. From the little light that made its way to them, the woman seemed surprisingly clean, considering she probably lived under these stairs.

“Thank you, ma’am,” the teen offered between pains.

“I’m Miriam. And you?” She stroked the girl’s forehead, calming her.

“Shasta.” Dang, she shouldn’t have used her real name. This had to be done without anyone knowing who she was. But the lady radiated calm and smiled so nicely. Maybe she could be trusted. Another rising pain cut off any other thought.

“You’re doing fine, Shasta. Your little one is in quite a hurry. I see the head already. You can push with the next pain.”

As if she had any choice! Though her body was young, it knew exactly what to do, and push she did! She thought her teeth might break with the effort of clenching back the screams that seemed to rise from her deepest insides and demand release.

Another push and she felt the child slide out between her legs. Such relief she’d never known!

“A little girl, Shasta, and she’s beautiful! Just like you!”

No one had ever called her beautiful before, but she set that thought aside and reached for the now crying child. Her child. Her own.

Miriam cut the cord, then swaddled the baby in her headscarf, and handed her to Shasta. Her little daughter quieted immediately, as if she knew her mother. After she managed one more contraction and push, Miriam wrapped the placenta in something Shasta couldn’t see. Miriam cleaned her gently and lovingly, which brought tears to Shasta’s eyes. She felt completely loved by this stranger.

Giving the baby to Miriam, who wrapped her in her coat to keep her warm, Shasta pulled her pants back on. Taking her little one back, she stroked the child’s cheek and gazed into her dark eyes. The baby seemed to look back at her with complete trust. How could she leave this little one anywhere? She couldn’t even bear to have her out of her sight.

“What am I going to do?” Shasta asked.

“Your grandma has been praying for you. We could go to her.”

Shasta didn’t think to ask how Miriam would know this. Such things seemed minor on a night of miracles like tonight. She wondered aloud about it later, though, once safely welcomed into her grandmother’s home.

Her grandma simply smiled, as if she knew a secret.

(Excerpted from my Miriam’s Joy!)

2 Give Drink to the Thirsty

Where do we get the corporal works of Mercy? Here’s one of the sources from the New Testament:

Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ Matthew 25:34-36 (NRSVCE)

How can we give drink to the thirsty?

• Donate water to a shelter or during an emergency.
• Contribute to a charity that provides clean water (wells, filters) to those in need.
• Invite new neighbors for tea.
• Offer cold water on a hot day to the solicitor at your door.
• Pay for the coffee of the person behind you at coffee shops.
• Or, bring a beverage to share while you visit with someone who is lonely…

Night Shift

The spring evening felt unusually warm. Miriam walked down the sidewalk carrying a bag with two bottles of lemonade from the convenience store, remembering how much she had enjoyed the lemonade Yosef had shared with her. It was dusk, but she passed several couples who were out for a walk, hand in hand. She stopped in front of a house with a particularly attractive garden.

“Your daffodils are lovely,” she called to a middle-aged woman who rocked on the porch. “And I bet your roses will be breathtaking in June.”

“Thank you. They really are at their best then,” she answered. “Are you a gardener?”

“I love flowers. Do I see hyacinths and tulips in bud, too?”

“Come into the yard. I’ll show you more.” The woman walked with Miriam around the side of the house, pointing to hydrangeas still leafing out, and rhododendrons with their shiny ever-green leaves. In the backyard she listed what her raised vegetable beds would hold this year, once the ground was warm enough to plant, and what the fruit trees would bear.

On the far side of the house, the woman gestured to what she called her Marian Garden, complete with a statue of Jesus’ mother with down-stretched arms. “All the flowers in this area are mentioned in the Bible, or named for Mary, or symbolic of Mary’s life, or figure in stories that have something to do with Mary’s life. You can’t see them all yet, but I grow Rose of Sharon, marigolds, lilies, of course, reminiscent of her purity, and iris whose long blades remind us of the sorrows that pierced Mary’s heart. Some people say the lavender bush first grew fragrant flowers when Mary spread Jesus’ clothes on them to dry.”

“This is truly touching,” Miriam said. She ran her fingers over last year’s rosemary and awakened its aroma. “It’s a beautiful tribute.”

As they circled back to the porch, she invited Miriam to sit with her a while.

“I happen to have bought two bottles of lavender lemonade,” said Miriam. “I’m new to lemonade, and I’ve never tasted it flavored with lavender before. Will you try some with me?”

Before long, the women were rocking together on the porch in the dark, while deepening their conversation.

“You seem a bit sad,” observed Miriam.

“Ah, does it still show?” She took another sip from the bottle. “This is delicious, by the way. Thank you.”

Miriam simply nodded and waited.

“I have twin girls who are busy with school functions tonight. They’ll both be leaving for college in the fall. Then my nest will be empty.” She paused as if deciding before she continued. “You see, I was widowed a few months ago.”

She met Miriam’s eyes but continued before Miriam could offer her condolences. “My husband had a heart attack, totally unexpected. I worked in his dentist office as his bookkeeper and receptionist. I received a call at the office from a woman who obviously didn’t know I was his wife, telling me ‘Dr. Spencer’ had collapsed at her house and was on his way in an ambulance to the hospital.” She paused. “I don’t know why I’m telling a stranger this. I guess I’ve kept it to myself too long. You have an openness about you that makes me feel safe.”

Miriam encouraged her with another nod.

“He was supposed to be at the gym. He scheduled his workout for every Tuesday and Thursday after lunch. I had no idea that was a lie. So, on one very normal day, I lost my husband, my job, our income, and my self-respect.”

“You weren’t the one who did anything wrong. You have no reason to be ashamed,” Miriam said with both reassurance and understanding in her tone. “Do your daughters know?”

The woman sighed. “They loved their daddy so much. I wouldn’t take away their admiration for him. No one else knows but the woman on the other end of the phone. Most of the time I’m doing okay. The first shock is over. Now I’m simply dreading September when it feels like my purpose in life will be over, with the girls gone and my marriage and job gone, too. To top it off, today’s my birthday. I hit 50.”

“A Jubilee Woman!” Miriam said, raising her bottle of lemonade to the woman, as if to toast the happy occasion. “Congratulations. Our Father proclaimed in Leviticus that each 50th year should be one of liberation, forgiveness, rest, and mercy. I hope it is a jubilant year for you. A new start.” She grew more serious. “What would your ideal day look like, if you could spend it any way you wanted?”

“That’s easy. I’d spend it in a garden. Every day at the dentist office I wished I were outside planting.”

“So why don’t you? You certainly have the green thumb. You could look for a gardening job, or if you don’t need the money, you could volunteer at one of Portland’s beautiful gardens.” She ticked off on her fingers: “The Rose Garden, the Rhododendron Garden, the Japanese Garden, or the Chinese Garden.”

“We do have some beautiful places to choose from, don’t we? Do you think they’d hire an amateur like me? I suppose I could take some courses to learn more.”

“You could be a Master Gardener before long!”

“You know, I could be, couldn’t I?”

A quiet enthusiasm in the woman’s voice made Miriam smile. She stood then to go, and the woman rose and gave her a warm embrace.

“Thank you! I’m so glad you stopped by and brightened my birthday! Maybe my girls won’t be the only ones returning to school this fall!”

(Excerpt from Miriam’s Joy!)

Corporal Works of Mercy 1- Feed the Hungry

Welcome to (or back to) our 4 Minutes 4 Growth Lenten posts. This season we will explore the Corporal Works of Mercy and focus on one per week through an excerpt from my novel, Miriam’s Joy!, where the Virgin Mary visits Portland incognito as Miriam.Only after I had published it did a friend surprise me with the observation that the “Night Shift” portions of the story illustrate corporal and spiritual works of mercy.

Ideas to consider for our first Corporal Work of Mercy, Feed the Hungry:

• Donate to or volunteer at the Food Bank.
• Help with meals for the homeless.
• Carry a dinner across the street to a neighbor recently home from the hospital.
• Rethink the “chore” of cooking for your family as a work of mercy
• Or, provide a feast for the lonely…

Night Shift

A woman named Esther sat alone in her room, her first evening in the new “senior living home” her children had chosen for her. She didn’t want to be here. She wanted her own house, her own bed, and her own walls that contained 50 years of memories. Realizing she was courting resentment and determined to stay positive, she decided to explore some of the building’s common areas in order to distract herself.

A Catholic organization ran the home. She and all her family were Jewish. She knew they’d chosen this arrangement because it was equidistant from her children’s homes, but Catholic? How would she ever fit in?

She noticed quite a few residents were entering a little in-house theater. “What’s playing?” she asked.

“The Cardinal,” answered one lady who wore a large crucifix around her neck. “It’s old but a classic.”

And Catholic, Esther thought. Like everything else here but me.

She walked toward the sound of a lilting hum and found a woman alone, rocking in a small parlor with two or three tables and several easy chairs. She seemed young for the home, but one never knew what type of illness might require assisted living. She wore a long skirt and a modest veil around her head. It reminded Esther of the hair coverings that some of her more conservative friends wore. The woman saw her and smiled, while motioning Esther into the room.

She liked something about her smile and joined her. “I heard you humming. It sounded like a song from…” She was going to say synagogue but didn’t know if she wanted to identify herself as an outsider just yet.

The woman grinned. “Sing with me! If there are any like us, they’ll come. And if they don’t know the songs, they’ll come for the food!” She gestured toward one of the tables, and Esther couldn’t believe her eyes. Four different desserts filled the table, and not just any desserts, but pastries identical to what her mother used to make for Passover or Hanukah years ago. There were crescent-shaped rugelach, cinnamon braided babka breads, triangular hamantaschen cookies, and Esther’s favorite, sufganiyot, little strawberry-filled donuts.

“I’m Miriam,” the younger woman said. “I’m a visitor, but I think we will find there are residents who will enjoy our treats.” She began to sing then, and Esther was amazed to hear the same accent her mother never had lost, even though she had emigrated as a teenager and spent almost 70 years in America.

Esther sang along, quietly first but then, encouraged by the joy and strength of Miriam’s voice, she sang Hava Nagila with gusto. Next Miriam began Dayeinu, one of Esther’s favorite songs from Seder celebrations.

Two women peeked into the room and, after their eyes widened at the sight of the treat table, entered and joined in the song. They were quite a choir now, and someone in the theater across the hall closed the door to keep out their noise. Laughing, they kept singing as first one, then two more men shyly entered and joined their voices to the group. They sang songs of faith and family and difficult times. They connected through their sung history, their eyes saying, “You, too? I didn’t know.”

Miriam changed to a soft, reverent Shema Yisrael and her little choir responded with tears in their eyes and emotion in their voices. When the song ended, the group began to introduce themselves or tell their tales. They were still visiting when the movie across the hall finished, and they invited other friends to come enjoy some delicious treats with them.

What had been quiet, unshared backgrounds now emerged as points of pride and opened the way for telling treasured stories. The Jewish elderly became a small community, welcomed within a larger community. The residents raved about the evening so much that the chef promised to try the recipes found under each serving tray. Soon cultural singalongs and desserts became a regular event.

Esther made many new friends that night, but somehow Miriam had slipped away before she was able to thank her. No one else seemed to have noticed her or knew which resident she might have been visiting.

(Excerpt from my Miriam’s Joy!)

May God bless your week and keep you healthy!

Miriam’s Joy!

I’ve received some lovely comments on my novel, Miriam’s Joy! Thank you!
• The joy and simplicity and love of the title character seemed to flow off the pages and into my heart and home as I read. Jane S.
• Such an interesting presentation of what love is and how we experience that love in our everyday life. It touched my heart and my soul. Cass M.
• Very comforting to think of Mary and Joseph continuing to participate so actively in our world, especially now. Mary Jo C.
• Lets us know how much we each are loved. It […] will be on my reading list every year! Lori L.S.

Final Tools to Your Best Self

Well done, to make it to our final Lenten post this year!

We’ve looked at 7 areas of our lives from Best Self – Be You, Only Better, by life coach, Mike Bayer and assessed what changes would make us better people. We know what we’d like to improve, but perhaps we’ve tried before and failed. That’s okay. Today we will add some tools to our tactics that will help us grow into our Best Selves.

Assembling Your Best Team

Mike Bayer says, “The richness, depth, and complexity of our time here on earth is, in fact, defined by how we relate to others, by the connections we make with one another. We are all in this together […] We can achieve so much more together than we can alone.”

To enhance our chance of success at making changes for the better, we need to assemble a team. They will be people you’ve chosen because they inspire you to be your Best Self, and your relationship with them is positive. Look at the people in your life. Ideally you would have people who support you in each of the 7 spheres of your life: social, physical, health, education, relationships, employment, and spirituality. Some will be supportive in several areas, some in only one. Your team may change over time. It may include your spouse, your family, friends, health care providers, hair stylists, ministers, advisors, coworkers, teachers—anyone who shares your values and enhances any part of you. It might be helpful to make a list of each sphere now, and who is on your team in that area, or who you’d like to have on your team. Do you need more expert help in an area? More positive input than you are getting? Is there someone you need to gently move out of an area where they are influencing you negatively? Remember you should be reciprocating and helping on other people’s teams, too.

Once you have your ideal team ready to help and know what you’d like to improve in each category, it’s time to tackle some changes! Here’s your game plan:

Seven Steps for Acquiring Your Best Goals

1.Define your goal in terms of specific events or behaviors. Don’t be vague.

2. Express your goal in terms that can be measured. For example, 10 pounds lost, or $500 saved, or exercise 5 days a week for 30 minutes.

3. Choose a goal you can control – Your goal can’t rely on anyone else’s behavior.

4. Plan and program a strategy that will get you to your goal – Don’t rely on willpower! If dieting, remove offending foods from your home. Avoid temptation or triggers!

5. Define your goal in terms of steps – What needs to be done first? Next? Next?

6. Assign a timeline for your goal – Deadlines are motivational, and timelines help get you there.

7. Create accountability for progress toward your goal – Tell your plans to someone on your team and ask them to help you stay accountable. Give them periodic reports.

Bayer says, “Grow or go. Choose to grow and life will open up to you in ways you can’t yet imagine. Find the highest and best use for your life by getting in touch with the best version of yourself you can be. For now, and forever.”

And to sum things up for our final email, here are the main points from Matthew Kelly’s Perfectly Yourself – Discovering God’s Dream for You

1. Celebrate your progress
2. Just do the next right thing
3. Put Character First
4. Find what you love and do it
5. Live what you believe
6. Be disciplined
7. Simplify
8. Focus on what you are here to give
9. Patiently See the Good in Everyone and Everything

Thank you for being open to growth, four minutes at a time! May you have a wonderful Easter and continue to find ways to become the person God intended you to be.

Self-Assessment

We return today to Mike Bayer in his book, Best Self: Be You Only Better and our look at the different spheres where we can grow. We reviewed Social and Personal last week. Covering 5 areas this week, it may begin to feel like an examination of conscience, which isn’t a bad thing during this Lenten season. The goal is to discover areas where we should grow.

Health

Push your fear aside and don’t procrastinate any longer. If you have a health issue that you know you should address, start today! Take control away from your anti-self and be proactive as your Best Self. Never let a health issue linger!

Scan your body head to toe. How do you feel? What needs attention? What habits need to change? Are you resistant to change? Why might that be?

Does your diet need to change to be your best self? Your exercise commitment? Remember, it isn’t selfish to take care of yourself.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Health?

Education

Our goal is to become life-long learners!

What would you like or love to learn? Why aren’t you? Are the reasons valid? Commit to progress!

Keep learning about yourself!

What is working well about learning? What are behaviors that keep you from learning?

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Education?

Relationships

If both people operate out of their Best Selves, relationships will run relatively smoothly. However, you can only influence how you operate in a relationship.

Understanding your values or principles is key to healthy relationship decisions. What are the top 5-7 core values that you don’t want to sacrifice for others? Honesty? Responsibility? Authenticity? Did your family of origin share these values? How has that affected your self-image? Your feelings for your family?

Do the people in your current family or your intimate relationships share your core values? Or do they have values that line up or complement yours? What are you willing to accept and not accept in your relationship?

If you are a parent, this is perhaps the most important area to be working as your Best Self while helping children develop their Best Selves. Help them discover who they are, what they are interested in, and where their passions emerge. Encourage them to develop their gifts, a sense of gratitude, and the ability to tune out negativity. Listen well; focus on their conversation. Communicate clearly when they are open to hearing. Say no, when necessary, then stay firm while acknowledging their disappointment. Teach negotiation skills. Find what their currency is, what motivates them, and use it to encourage appropriate behavior. Reorder your family time to reflect your collective priorities. Don’t overcompensate for how you were raised.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Relationships?

Employment

Rather than what do you want to be, ask yourself, who do you want to be, as your authentic self.

“What would your Best Self love to do for work? […] would make you feel like you’re using your gifts, doing your art, in a way that is productive and rewarding? […] Allow your fears to melt away.”

What do you love about your current job? Can you do more of that? Are there changes in your lifestyle that could make your life better? A move closer to work? Working from home? Managing on less money?

“Does your job need to change, or does your approach to it need to change?”

If you do decide it is time for you to change jobs, have a plan so that you don’t jeopardize your finances while you look for the work you need. If you are out of work, spend as much time looking for work as you would at the job each day. Spend time learning about the companies you consider before the interview. Work odd jobs or freelance until the right work is found.

“Grow or go!” Be “in sponge mode” always learning and evolving.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Employment?

Spiritual Development Life

“Your spiritual self is the place within you from which all goodness and light radiates outward. It is where you form your integrity, values, and how you treat other people.”

According to Dallas Willard, “Spiritual people are not those who engage in certain spiritual practices; they are those who draw their life from a conversational relationship with God.”

We need faith to face fears and have the courage to make changes.

Cultivate spirituality by being intentional about your faith, by fanning the flames of your spirit with reading, by seeking quiet within yourself to make room for the spiritual, being aware of signs and opportunities, giving credit to the spiritual when things improve, sharing your spiritual journey with others and listening to theirs, finding joy and encouraging it, and giving generously to others of your time and your possessions.

Consider writing a spiritual mission statement for yourself, then reading it frequently.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Spirituality?

We’ve now considered 7 spheres of our lives and perhaps you’ve found, like I did, that some areas need work. Next week we will plan a course of action to tackle bringing about changes that will enhance our lives. And I bet you thought the hard work of Lent was almost over!

May you begin a new phase of growth in your life!

Obstacles to Change

This weekend I heard the best quote!

“In Essentials Unity, In Non-Essentials Liberty, In All Things Charity.” Seems like a good motto for these divisive political times, especially, “In all things Charity!”

That’s a step aside from our discussion of acting from our Best Selves, though certainly not contradictory. But there’s much to cover so let’s return to Mike Bayer in his book, Best Self: Be You Only Better.

Identifying Your Obstacles –

What keeps us from changing for the better?

Fear. Yes, fear keeps us locked into old patterns. The first step to fighting our fears is to identify them, as many as possible. What are some of the fears that have held you back from making changes in your life? What triggers those fears? Is there a common theme to your fears? Perhaps fear of what others think? Fear of failure?

Put your fears to the test. Are they true? Do they serve your best interests? Do they generate progress toward healthy goals? If not true, there’s no use giving those fears any power. If they don’t serve your best interest, let them go. If they don’t move you toward your goals, fight fear with faith—in yourself and in God.

If they are true and reasonable, plan a strategy that reduces or eliminates your fear. Perhaps you need self-affirmations. Perhaps you need to set goals to counter your fears, like saving enough money to not be financially afraid to try a new path. Face your fears down!

Ego. Do you feel inadequate deep down, and then act in unpleasant ways to cover up that lack? Are you defensive, a right fighter, a boaster, a revenge seeker, possessive, a gossip, vain, dishonest, a bully, or a perceived victim? These are coverups for lacking a sense of being enough, just the way you are. They get in the way of true growth.

One strategy is to stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for your own situation. Blaming others takes away your power to improve the situation.

My favorite quote in this section of the book was, “When you turn off the news, you should feel more educated, not more inflamed.” Be careful of what input you allow in your life!

Routine. Are you too busy to focus on change? Ask yourself when considering new commitments, is this realistic for me, and will it make it easier for me to tap into who I really am?

Start the day in charge – get up a bit earlier and plan your day.

Take time to list what you have to be grateful for.

Find rituals that work for you and reaffirm you!

Find a mantra to remind yourself of your abilities, like “I got this!” or “God is with me!” or “I can do more than I think I can!”

Now that we have looked at ways to improve ourselves internally, we are ready to tackle the external areas awaiting growth. We don’t need to focus on all of them, because an improvement in one sphere can positively influence all the others, but it helps to do a self-assessment in each of the seven categories. For today, we’ll look at the first two of seven spheres. The book, of course, studies each area in depth, and I recommend getting the book if this summary intrigues you.

• Social Life – “Don’t run from your emotions or from the feelings of others; instead, embrace them and use them to deepen your relationship with yourself and the people within your orbit.” How are you at:
  • Sending clear messages? If you suspect social anxiety can affect this, consulting with a good therapist or life coach may be a useful tactic.
  • Listening? Can you focus on the other, or are you too focused on what you want to say?
  • Giving and receiving feedback? This is how we help one another improve. Bayer suggests, “…present the information in a way that is gentle, caring, and solution oriented, and only after you’ve made sure they are open to hearing it, then your feedback can be helpful…”
  • Handling emotional interactions? (Betty here, “Ack! I’d like to do a Chicken Little and hide rather than tackle difficult conversations.”) Bayer says, “Being outside of your comfort zone is really just an opportunity to connect more deeply with your authenticity and with another person. […] But it’s important to realize that you are not responsible for other people’s emotions. You are only responsible for your own.”

• Personal Life – Take care of yourself first, so you have surplus for others.
  • Attend to your inner dialogue. Often the negative messages we heard as a child continue to play in our heads. Are you gentle and positive toward yourself? Coach yourself to reinforce your intelligence, your competence, your skills, your worth, and your appearance with messages of positivity.
  • Self-care is not selfish, it is compassionate toward yourself. Work to manage your stress. Calm yourself with deep breaths. Get daily exercise that you enjoy. Celebrate yourself by having some fun or helping others. Sleep regular hours and don’t skimp! Unplug from technology for some time every day. Find a way to relax with prayer, meditation, yoga, etc.
  • Passions! Find what energizes you and do it! Maybe it will be quiet creativity. Maybe it will be time with good friends. Maybe it will lead to a new career in a new area!
  • Pain – If you are in emotional pain, whether from rejection or loss, be assured you are not alone and that what you are feeling now, though so powerful, will subside. Accept all the comfort that is offered to you and seek out the help you need.

Only two weeks of Lent left! There’s still time to really focus on making this a season of growth. May God guide you!

Best Self/Anti Self

Best Self/Anti Self

Welcome back to 4 Minutes 4 Growth!

This week we will switch over to our second author, Mike Bayer in Best Self: Be You, Only Better. He and Matthew Kelly have many ideas in common, but Bayer comes at self-improvement from a different angle. He starts by reminding us that we are each unique, and not only is that good, it is wonderful! Only we have the genes, experiences, and personality that come together to prepare us for our own contribution to this world. “Even when you don’t feel like you are anywhere near good enough, you are enough because of one simple truth… you are you! The only one.”

Bayer’s Best Self Model will take the reader through different spheres where improvement might help us to be our best self:

1. Social life
2. Personal life
3. Health
4. Education
5. Relationships
6. Employment
7. Spiritual development life

Though we are unique, we have some traits in common when we are operating out of our Best Self:

• We use a kind inner voice.Our self-talk is not critical.
• We are universally fearless, shameless, honest, empowered, grateful, and free.

To begin defining our Best Self, Bayer recommends we write down a list of every quality we possess, such as compassion, patience, enthusiasm, courage, or honor. Write whatever traits you are proud to feel are part of you. His book lists over 200 possibilities! He goes on to ask us to name a character that represents our best self, and even draw that character so we have a very visual image when we need to call our Best Self forward. I came up with Lassie. When I’m at my best I’m an intelligent, calm shepherd, who watches over others to keep them safe and help them thrive.

We are encouraged to keep this character in mind when we need to coach ourselves to better actions, remembering those traits we listed above and our universal ability to tap into being fearless, shameless, honest, empowered, grateful, and free. Reminding ourselves of all the things we are grateful for keeps us attuned to our Best Self and is a wonderful exercise whenever we begin to feel low. Have a gratitude attitude. Keep a gratitude journal.

Next, Bayer suggests we look at our dark side and list our traits that bring us and others down. What are the less-than-ideal behaviors we fall into when we are less than our best—when we are tired or sad, frightened or irritated? I know I’m quicker to anger, more impatient, and can be broody, even while feeling quite self-righteous. We should find a character that we draw and name for this “Anti-Self.” Mine is Chicken Little, who runs around announcing the sky is falling and then hides, all the while grumbling about everyone else.

When you have a good visual of your Anti-Self as well as your Best Self, the next time you are tempted to let your Chicken Little be in charge you (and I) can choose instead to put your Best Self, your version of my Lassie, in charge. The more often you make that decision, the more automatic it will become. And when life shifts, as life tends to do, rethink this exercise so that any new Anti-Self can be quickly recognized and overcome by your always growing Best Self.

In order to function more often from your better side, commit to approaching life with these “tenets of change”:

• Curiosity – keep learning about yourself and our world
• Honesty – doing the right thing, pursuing integrity
• Openness – being teachable, new concepts will lead to more success
• Willingness – put action into your new thinking
• Focus – staying on track, keeping your eye on the prize

Start to recognize what really recharges your energy (or Bayer says, recharges your authenticity battery). What do you do that makes you feel truly alive, or what activity makes you so focused that time flies by? How often do you get to do that?

And finally, how ready for change are you? Bayer cites the Transtheoretical Model which lists stages of change:

• Precontemplation – No intention or sense of need to change current behavior
• Contemplation – Aware that you need change, but no intention yet
• Preparation – Aware you need change, believe capable, intent on taking action
• Action – Actively modifying behavior toward improvement
• Maintenance – Sustaining your changed behavior; new actions replaced the old

Where are you in that list? What can you do to move toward action? Sometimes we need serious consequences or emotional, physical, or spiritual pain to force us into change. A heart attack may finally lead us to eat healthy. A spouse leaving can make us realize we must stop drinking. A failed exam can help us find the motivation to study. It’s much better to change ourselves before we hit such depths, but human nature tends to resist change. That’s sad, because positive change makes us feel so much better about ourselves! Move into the Action phase as quickly as possible and move toward happiness!

Next week we will look at obstacles that get in the way. In the meantime, have a wonderful week!