6 Comfort the Sick

How might we comfort the sick, especially now that we must maintain our distance?

• Send flowers or fruit or candy.
• Write the ailing person a letter. Send a card.
• Bring soup, or a meal for the rest of the family.
• Donate for research to the Cancer Society or a similar foundation.
• Phone someone who is sick. Try FaceTime on a smart phone so they can see you, too.
• Or, when it is allowed, sit with them and offer comfort and encouragement.

Night Shift

Martha was a bit confused. Feeling muddled struck more and more often lately, but it certainly seemed that her favorite statue of Mary had climbed down off its shelf and was now sitting with her on her bed.

“What are you looking at?” Asked Miriam, pointing to papers in Martha’s hands.

“Results from a memory test I took,” Martha answered. “My children arranged it. They are arranging a lot of things lately.”

“They love you and worry about you. What do the results say?”

“Moderate dementia.” Martha shrugged. “I suppose it’s true. Lately I show up for things either at the wrong time or on the wrong day. I can’t remember all my grandchildren’s names, let alone the great-grandchildren. My son says I have four great-great grandchildren, but that can’t be true. I’m not that old.”

“What a Godsend to see your family grow!” Miriam said to the elderly woman. “One of the blessings in the Bible is to see your children’s children. Very few get to live long enough to see as many generations as you.”

“But now it seems I am outliving my mind. Losing important memories. And I suppose it will only get worse.” Martha set down the papers and removed her reading glasses. “Who am I, if not a collection of the memories of my life? Who will remember my story when I can’t?”

“The diseases of this life that slowly take away a person’s memories are certainly a sorrow. But you know the Father can turn even this to good.”

“What good can it possibly be to slowly stop knowing all I worked so many years to learn? What worth is there in the remainder of a life like that?”

“Martha,” Miriam said softly, “isn’t a newborn’s life a precious treasure, even though he or she holds no memories?”

Martha scowled, suspecting where this line of thought was going, so Miriam continued. “That little bundle of joy and demands can teach a parent to discover what it is to love unconditionally, even though the newborn gives nothing in return, not even a smile until it is older.”

The statue-now-woman looked intently into Martha’s eyes. “We don’t understand all God’s ways, or how He works all things for good, even devastating things like this, but perhaps He is giving your family and friends and caretakers a gift by allowing them to serve you.”

“I don’t want to be a burden to anyone! I want to continue to be useful, to help people!” Martha would have stomped her foot if she hadn’t been sitting on her bed where her feet didn’t reach the floor.

“And bless you for that desire. But believe me, as difficult as the time ahead may be for everyone, eventually your family will look back and count your final days with them as a blessing. Yes, they will be sad if you reach a point when you don’t know who they are anymore, but they will know you! They will carry the memories of you as precious gifts. And have faith; you will rise whole and healthy again in the next life. This suffering is temporary, and your reward will be immeasurable and permanent!”

Martha sighed. “Aging seems to be a tiresome series of letting go, one thing after another. I miss my own home, and yes, I’m grateful, of course, that my son has taken me into his home, but I miss my healthy, flexible body. I miss being able to eat whatever I wanted before I had to start watching my salt intake, my cholesterol levels, or my blood sugar. I miss driving! Must I really let go of my memories, too?”

“Only God knows what lies ahead, but I promise you, He is good: all loving, all merciful, all wise. He will be with you.”

Martha nodded. Yes, there was comfort in that, knowing He would be with her, even if she no longer knew Him. She bowed her head—and her will—and did what she had done many times before. She placed herself in His hands and her life at His disposal. With that came peace.

When she looked up again, she laughed to see her Mary statue back on the shelf, with the same serene face she always wore. Had her statue truly climbed down and joined her on her bed? Maybe it didn’t matter. Her future might not always allow her to tell what was real and what wasn’t, but Martha knew that tonight’s message touched her heart with profound truth.

(Excerpt from my Miriam’s Joy!)

May God bless your week and protect your health.

5 Shelter the Homeless

How might we Shelter the Homeless?

• Donate to safe houses.
• Host a foreign exchange student.
• Sponsor a fundraiser for shelters.
• Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.
• Become a foster parent or consider adoption.
• Offer to do repair work for a neighbor in need.
• Welcome a person in transition to live with you for a while.
• Or, drive someone to safety…

Night Shift

In a different part of town, Miriam parked a borrowed minivan in front of a house, just as a young woman fled out its door, carrying a baby about six months old. An angry man was not far behind the woman, raising a crowbar and screaming, “You get back here, or I swear I’ll kill you both!”

Miriam reached across the seat and opened the passenger’s door and called, “Tiana, jump in!”

Tiana did, slammed the car door behind her, and Miriam sped away, leaving an irate man screaming in the street. He threw the crowbar like a javelin, but it missed its target.

After several turns, and when both women were sure they weren’t followed, Miriam parked long enough for Tiana to strap her daughter into the baby seat in the back. As soon as she was back in the minivan, Miriam began driving again.

Tiana said, “Thank you, Jesus, for putting as much distance between me and that man as we can.” Then she really looked at Miriam. “Who are you? I thought you were my mother. Your voice sounded just like hers, or I might not have jumped into your car. How did you know I needed you right then?”

Miriam, with skin darker than Tiana’s and dressed like older women from the islands, smiled a bright white smile. “Child, my name is Miriam, and I guess I was in the right place at the right time, praise God. Was that your husband?”

“Well, he’s my daughter’s father. He’s not that bad most of the time.” She sounded defensive and then softened her voice. “And I love him.”

“Mmm hmm,” Miriam said, and her tone spoke volumes.

“I do, God help me, I do,” said Tiana.

“Love is one thing, and safety is another,” said Miriam. “Men can forfeit the right to be with their families by hurting women or children. Your little Jayda, there, depends on you to keep her safe.”

“I’d never let him hurt her!”

“You wouldn’t mean to, but his anger seems unpredictable and out of control.”

“Usually I can see it coming, but not always,” she admitted. “Sometimes it isn’t me he’s angry with at all, but I’m the one who’s available.”

“Tiana, you would give your life for this baby, am I right?”

Tiana turned to check on her daughter in the backseat. “Absolutely.”

“Then for now, you need to sacrifice your feelings for her daddy and protect her. He’s wounded and you can’t fix him, but it’s possible that losing you two might be just what he needs to make him get help. Promise me you won’t go back to him until someone professional assures you he’s done the work and can control his temper. Will you promise me that?”

“But where will I go in the meantime?”

Miriam pulled the minivan in front of an ordinary looking, but large house and parked. “Promise me?”

Tiana looked back at her baby, who was now sweetly snoring in the car seat. “Yes, ma’am. I promise.”

This is a safe house. They are expecting you and will help you both along the way.”

“But…” Tiana shook her head in confusion. “How did you know?”

“Your mama’s been talking to me, child. Now scoot! Off you go.”

Tiana climbed out of the car, lifted Jayda out of the car seat, and hesitated before closing the door.

“Know you are very, very loved,” said Miriam.

“Thank you,” said Tiana with a nod. Then she closed the car door with a quiet click, straightened her back, and walked up to the home. Before she even knocked, the door swung open to her future.

(Excerpted from my Miriam’s Joy!)

Obstacles to Change

This weekend I heard the best quote!

“In Essentials Unity, In Non-Essentials Liberty, In All Things Charity.” Seems like a good motto for these divisive political times, especially, “In all things Charity!”

That’s a step aside from our discussion of acting from our Best Selves, though certainly not contradictory. But there’s much to cover so let’s return to Mike Bayer in his book, Best Self: Be You Only Better.

Identifying Your Obstacles –

What keeps us from changing for the better?

Fear. Yes, fear keeps us locked into old patterns. The first step to fighting our fears is to identify them, as many as possible. What are some of the fears that have held you back from making changes in your life? What triggers those fears? Is there a common theme to your fears? Perhaps fear of what others think? Fear of failure?

Put your fears to the test. Are they true? Do they serve your best interests? Do they generate progress toward healthy goals? If not true, there’s no use giving those fears any power. If they don’t serve your best interest, let them go. If they don’t move you toward your goals, fight fear with faith—in yourself and in God.

If they are true and reasonable, plan a strategy that reduces or eliminates your fear. Perhaps you need self-affirmations. Perhaps you need to set goals to counter your fears, like saving enough money to not be financially afraid to try a new path. Face your fears down!

Ego. Do you feel inadequate deep down, and then act in unpleasant ways to cover up that lack? Are you defensive, a right fighter, a boaster, a revenge seeker, possessive, a gossip, vain, dishonest, a bully, or a perceived victim? These are coverups for lacking a sense of being enough, just the way you are. They get in the way of true growth.

One strategy is to stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for your own situation. Blaming others takes away your power to improve the situation.

My favorite quote in this section of the book was, “When you turn off the news, you should feel more educated, not more inflamed.” Be careful of what input you allow in your life!

Routine. Are you too busy to focus on change? Ask yourself when considering new commitments, is this realistic for me, and will it make it easier for me to tap into who I really am?

Start the day in charge – get up a bit earlier and plan your day.

Take time to list what you have to be grateful for.

Find rituals that work for you and reaffirm you!

Find a mantra to remind yourself of your abilities, like “I got this!” or “God is with me!” or “I can do more than I think I can!”

Now that we have looked at ways to improve ourselves internally, we are ready to tackle the external areas awaiting growth. We don’t need to focus on all of them, because an improvement in one sphere can positively influence all the others, but it helps to do a self-assessment in each of the seven categories. For today, we’ll look at the first two of seven spheres. The book, of course, studies each area in depth, and I recommend getting the book if this summary intrigues you.

• Social Life – “Don’t run from your emotions or from the feelings of others; instead, embrace them and use them to deepen your relationship with yourself and the people within your orbit.” How are you at:
  • Sending clear messages? If you suspect social anxiety can affect this, consulting with a good therapist or life coach may be a useful tactic.
  • Listening? Can you focus on the other, or are you too focused on what you want to say?
  • Giving and receiving feedback? This is how we help one another improve. Bayer suggests, “…present the information in a way that is gentle, caring, and solution oriented, and only after you’ve made sure they are open to hearing it, then your feedback can be helpful…”
  • Handling emotional interactions? (Betty here, “Ack! I’d like to do a Chicken Little and hide rather than tackle difficult conversations.”) Bayer says, “Being outside of your comfort zone is really just an opportunity to connect more deeply with your authenticity and with another person. […] But it’s important to realize that you are not responsible for other people’s emotions. You are only responsible for your own.”

• Personal Life – Take care of yourself first, so you have surplus for others.
  • Attend to your inner dialogue. Often the negative messages we heard as a child continue to play in our heads. Are you gentle and positive toward yourself? Coach yourself to reinforce your intelligence, your competence, your skills, your worth, and your appearance with messages of positivity.
  • Self-care is not selfish, it is compassionate toward yourself. Work to manage your stress. Calm yourself with deep breaths. Get daily exercise that you enjoy. Celebrate yourself by having some fun or helping others. Sleep regular hours and don’t skimp! Unplug from technology for some time every day. Find a way to relax with prayer, meditation, yoga, etc.
  • Passions! Find what energizes you and do it! Maybe it will be quiet creativity. Maybe it will be time with good friends. Maybe it will lead to a new career in a new area!
  • Pain – If you are in emotional pain, whether from rejection or loss, be assured you are not alone and that what you are feeling now, though so powerful, will subside. Accept all the comfort that is offered to you and seek out the help you need.

Only two weeks of Lent left! There’s still time to really focus on making this a season of growth. May God guide you!