Final Tools to Your Best Self

Well done, to make it to our final Lenten post this year!

We’ve looked at 7 areas of our lives from Best Self – Be You, Only Better, by life coach, Mike Bayer and assessed what changes would make us better people. We know what we’d like to improve, but perhaps we’ve tried before and failed. That’s okay. Today we will add some tools to our tactics that will help us grow into our Best Selves.

Assembling Your Best Team

Mike Bayer says, “The richness, depth, and complexity of our time here on earth is, in fact, defined by how we relate to others, by the connections we make with one another. We are all in this together […] We can achieve so much more together than we can alone.”

To enhance our chance of success at making changes for the better, we need to assemble a team. They will be people you’ve chosen because they inspire you to be your Best Self, and your relationship with them is positive. Look at the people in your life. Ideally you would have people who support you in each of the 7 spheres of your life: social, physical, health, education, relationships, employment, and spirituality. Some will be supportive in several areas, some in only one. Your team may change over time. It may include your spouse, your family, friends, health care providers, hair stylists, ministers, advisors, coworkers, teachers—anyone who shares your values and enhances any part of you. It might be helpful to make a list of each sphere now, and who is on your team in that area, or who you’d like to have on your team. Do you need more expert help in an area? More positive input than you are getting? Is there someone you need to gently move out of an area where they are influencing you negatively? Remember you should be reciprocating and helping on other people’s teams, too.

Once you have your ideal team ready to help and know what you’d like to improve in each category, it’s time to tackle some changes! Here’s your game plan:

Seven Steps for Acquiring Your Best Goals

1.Define your goal in terms of specific events or behaviors. Don’t be vague.

2. Express your goal in terms that can be measured. For example, 10 pounds lost, or $500 saved, or exercise 5 days a week for 30 minutes.

3. Choose a goal you can control – Your goal can’t rely on anyone else’s behavior.

4. Plan and program a strategy that will get you to your goal – Don’t rely on willpower! If dieting, remove offending foods from your home. Avoid temptation or triggers!

5. Define your goal in terms of steps – What needs to be done first? Next? Next?

6. Assign a timeline for your goal – Deadlines are motivational, and timelines help get you there.

7. Create accountability for progress toward your goal – Tell your plans to someone on your team and ask them to help you stay accountable. Give them periodic reports.

Bayer says, “Grow or go. Choose to grow and life will open up to you in ways you can’t yet imagine. Find the highest and best use for your life by getting in touch with the best version of yourself you can be. For now, and forever.”

And to sum things up for our final email, here are the main points from Matthew Kelly’s Perfectly Yourself – Discovering God’s Dream for You

1. Celebrate your progress
2. Just do the next right thing
3. Put Character First
4. Find what you love and do it
5. Live what you believe
6. Be disciplined
7. Simplify
8. Focus on what you are here to give
9. Patiently See the Good in Everyone and Everything

Thank you for being open to growth, four minutes at a time! May you have a wonderful Easter and continue to find ways to become the person God intended you to be.

Self-Assessment

We return today to Mike Bayer in his book, Best Self: Be You Only Better and our look at the different spheres where we can grow. We reviewed Social and Personal last week. Covering 5 areas this week, it may begin to feel like an examination of conscience, which isn’t a bad thing during this Lenten season. The goal is to discover areas where we should grow.

Health

Push your fear aside and don’t procrastinate any longer. If you have a health issue that you know you should address, start today! Take control away from your anti-self and be proactive as your Best Self. Never let a health issue linger!

Scan your body head to toe. How do you feel? What needs attention? What habits need to change? Are you resistant to change? Why might that be?

Does your diet need to change to be your best self? Your exercise commitment? Remember, it isn’t selfish to take care of yourself.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Health?

Education

Our goal is to become life-long learners!

What would you like or love to learn? Why aren’t you? Are the reasons valid? Commit to progress!

Keep learning about yourself!

What is working well about learning? What are behaviors that keep you from learning?

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Education?

Relationships

If both people operate out of their Best Selves, relationships will run relatively smoothly. However, you can only influence how you operate in a relationship.

Understanding your values or principles is key to healthy relationship decisions. What are the top 5-7 core values that you don’t want to sacrifice for others? Honesty? Responsibility? Authenticity? Did your family of origin share these values? How has that affected your self-image? Your feelings for your family?

Do the people in your current family or your intimate relationships share your core values? Or do they have values that line up or complement yours? What are you willing to accept and not accept in your relationship?

If you are a parent, this is perhaps the most important area to be working as your Best Self while helping children develop their Best Selves. Help them discover who they are, what they are interested in, and where their passions emerge. Encourage them to develop their gifts, a sense of gratitude, and the ability to tune out negativity. Listen well; focus on their conversation. Communicate clearly when they are open to hearing. Say no, when necessary, then stay firm while acknowledging their disappointment. Teach negotiation skills. Find what their currency is, what motivates them, and use it to encourage appropriate behavior. Reorder your family time to reflect your collective priorities. Don’t overcompensate for how you were raised.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Relationships?

Employment

Rather than what do you want to be, ask yourself, who do you want to be, as your authentic self.

“What would your Best Self love to do for work? […] would make you feel like you’re using your gifts, doing your art, in a way that is productive and rewarding? […] Allow your fears to melt away.”

What do you love about your current job? Can you do more of that? Are there changes in your lifestyle that could make your life better? A move closer to work? Working from home? Managing on less money?

“Does your job need to change, or does your approach to it need to change?”

If you do decide it is time for you to change jobs, have a plan so that you don’t jeopardize your finances while you look for the work you need. If you are out of work, spend as much time looking for work as you would at the job each day. Spend time learning about the companies you consider before the interview. Work odd jobs or freelance until the right work is found.

“Grow or go!” Be “in sponge mode” always learning and evolving.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Employment?

Spiritual Development Life

“Your spiritual self is the place within you from which all goodness and light radiates outward. It is where you form your integrity, values, and how you treat other people.”

According to Dallas Willard, “Spiritual people are not those who engage in certain spiritual practices; they are those who draw their life from a conversational relationship with God.”

We need faith to face fears and have the courage to make changes.

Cultivate spirituality by being intentional about your faith, by fanning the flames of your spirit with reading, by seeking quiet within yourself to make room for the spiritual, being aware of signs and opportunities, giving credit to the spiritual when things improve, sharing your spiritual journey with others and listening to theirs, finding joy and encouraging it, and giving generously to others of your time and your possessions.

Consider writing a spiritual mission statement for yourself, then reading it frequently.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Spirituality?

We’ve now considered 7 spheres of our lives and perhaps you’ve found, like I did, that some areas need work. Next week we will plan a course of action to tackle bringing about changes that will enhance our lives. And I bet you thought the hard work of Lent was almost over!

May you begin a new phase of growth in your life!