Slowing Down 3 – Leisure

“Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened I will give you rest.” Matt 11:28

I don’t know about you, but my life seems to have gotten busier since I started studying Slowing Down to the Speed of Joy. But I’ll keep trying, because I believe Matthew Kelly is right. Being busy, hurried, and overwhelmed runs contrary to living a healthy, meaningful life.

He says, “When we’re living too fast and our lives are too busy, our hearts become troubled with the things of this world. The speed creates stress and anxiety. The busyness creates stress and anxiety. Both of these lifestyle choices negatively impact our ability to recognize other people’s needs and to live out God’s mandate to love.”

We’ve talked about slowing down, adding margin to our schedules, and pausing for interruptions. Today we will talk about leisure.

Kelly quotes Josef Pieper, from the book Leisure: the Basis of Culture:

“Leisure isn’t a rest period to allow us to work better. It’s more than that. Leisure is an attitude of mind and a condition of the soul that fosters a capacity to receive the reality of the world.” He asks, “Do we live to work, or work to live? He warns, “If we do not take time for quiet reflection, we are much more likely to make poor decisions, foolish decisions that create the problems of our lives.”

Peiper asserts, “Religion can only be born in leisure, a leisure that allows time to contemplate nature, self, God, and the world” adding that unless we substitute true leisure for our hectic amusements, we will destroy our culture—and ourselves.

The examples of leisure that Pieper practiced himself were celebration, worship, contemplation, philosophical reflection, appreciation of the arts and beauty, true rest, play, and the pursuit of wisdom and knowledge. Those sound like pretty nice ways to spend time, don’t they? If you need more convincing, both authors say that every aspect of our lives improves when we make leisure a habit.

Leisure:

• Teaches us what is meaningful.
• Expands our capacity to give and receive.
• Brings us into harmony with ourselves, to be still and quiet.
• Allows us to receive the gifts of wisdom.
• Gives the truth and goodness of life an opportunity to reveal itself to us.
• Reminds us of who we are and what we are here for.
• Fills us with energy and enthusiasm to return to the world and carry out what we know in our hearts to be our mission in life.
• Is the attitude of one who opens himself, who lets go.

So, where do we start? How do we begin to bring leisure back into our lives? According to Matthew Kelly, we start with the Sabbath. We start with Sunday.

He writes, “Sunday is the one thing. I promised you one very specific form of leisure that will change your life. Sunday is it. The wisdom of the Sabbath will teach you how to slowdown to the speed of joy. It’s the one thing that will help you to restore your capacity for leisure and lead you to flourish like never before. Sunday will create margin to love like never before and carry out the great human mandate to love God and neighbor wholeheartedly. Sunday is the one thing from which so many other good things will flow. Goodness you cannot imagine yet will flow from authentically embracing Sundays.

“Observing Sunday as a day of rest liberates us from those feelings of hurried, overwhelmed, and anxious. Doing Sunday right makes the other six days better, (…) more focused and meaningful.

“The Sabbath is an invitation to fall in love again—with life, with God, with each other. (…) The sabbath is a giver of gifts. Whatever good things you want to increase in your life, honor the Sabbath and it shall be so. (…) But there is a gift the Sabbath will give you that is beyond compare. If you faithfully observe this holy day, (…) you will become a friend of God.“

To observe the sabbath in a better way:

   1. Don’t let what you can’t do interfere with what you can do. (What CAN you do?)

   2. Identify your immovable obstacles. (Things scheduled on Sunday that you can’t avoid.)

   3. Know that most immovable obstacles are only immovable in the short term. (What can you change in the future?)

   4. Also, some “obstacles” to leisure might actually be leisure if they are soul-nourishing.

   5. Start small if you must. Focus on what’s possible right now, build from there. (Consider sunset Saturday to sunset Sunday as your Sabbath as the Jews did? Or begin with a few hours.)

Matthew Kelly says the biggest obstacle we will find as we try to rethink our Sabbaths is that work is easier than leisure. We know how to work, but we need to learn how to practice Sabbath. Kelly says practicing Sabbath requires:

• Two disciplines:
  • We must learn to do nothing.
  • And learn to enjoy doing things just for the joy of it.
• Two virtues:
  • Humility – to let go, surrender, and receive
  • Patience – to learn to appreciate simplicity, to practice activities that are not productivity-focused, and cultivate inner peace and calm.

Kelly advises, “Do not try to get the most out of each Sunday. Allow the signs and wonders God sends you each Sunday to sink deep into your heart. (…) You will get the most out of these experiences by planning the least.”

And he continues, “Learn to say no, first to yourself. And also to others. Say no ruthlessly to everything that isn’t leisurely when leisure is your aim. (…) Doing too much will stop you from becoming the best-version-of-yourself. Busy will destroy you. Guard against it fiercely.”

Kelly even quotes one of my favorite philosophers. “Sometimes doing nothing can lead to the very best of something,” says Winnie the Pooh.

Kelly says, if we get good at taking back your Sundays, we will benefit in a long list of ways (p. 92) but here are a few of my favorites. We will…

• Get good at setting boundaries.
• Avoid all unnecessary commitments.
• Know our values.
• Prioritize what matters.
• Gladly unplug from technology.
• Discover how to relax, really relax.
• Stop seeing leisure as an unobtainable luxury.
• See our low-grade anxiety dissipate.
• Listen deeply to ourself and others.
• Declutter our space, our schedule, and our heart.
• Be in awe of our productivity when we are working.
• Delight in being able to help someone in need because we built margin into our schedule.
• Feel profoundly connected to the people we love, and they to us.

Begin this Sunday – it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it! Worship. Play. Spend time with loved ones. Admire something beautiful. Learn something new. Ponder. Dream.

Prayers for you in the coming week!

Final Tools to Your Best Self

Well done, to make it to our final Lenten post this year!

We’ve looked at 7 areas of our lives from Best Self – Be You, Only Better, by life coach, Mike Bayer and assessed what changes would make us better people. We know what we’d like to improve, but perhaps we’ve tried before and failed. That’s okay. Today we will add some tools to our tactics that will help us grow into our Best Selves.

Assembling Your Best Team

Mike Bayer says, “The richness, depth, and complexity of our time here on earth is, in fact, defined by how we relate to others, by the connections we make with one another. We are all in this together […] We can achieve so much more together than we can alone.”

To enhance our chance of success at making changes for the better, we need to assemble a team. They will be people you’ve chosen because they inspire you to be your Best Self, and your relationship with them is positive. Look at the people in your life. Ideally you would have people who support you in each of the 7 spheres of your life: social, physical, health, education, relationships, employment, and spirituality. Some will be supportive in several areas, some in only one. Your team may change over time. It may include your spouse, your family, friends, health care providers, hair stylists, ministers, advisors, coworkers, teachers—anyone who shares your values and enhances any part of you. It might be helpful to make a list of each sphere now, and who is on your team in that area, or who you’d like to have on your team. Do you need more expert help in an area? More positive input than you are getting? Is there someone you need to gently move out of an area where they are influencing you negatively? Remember you should be reciprocating and helping on other people’s teams, too.

Once you have your ideal team ready to help and know what you’d like to improve in each category, it’s time to tackle some changes! Here’s your game plan:

Seven Steps for Acquiring Your Best Goals

1.Define your goal in terms of specific events or behaviors. Don’t be vague.

2. Express your goal in terms that can be measured. For example, 10 pounds lost, or $500 saved, or exercise 5 days a week for 30 minutes.

3. Choose a goal you can control – Your goal can’t rely on anyone else’s behavior.

4. Plan and program a strategy that will get you to your goal – Don’t rely on willpower! If dieting, remove offending foods from your home. Avoid temptation or triggers!

5. Define your goal in terms of steps – What needs to be done first? Next? Next?

6. Assign a timeline for your goal – Deadlines are motivational, and timelines help get you there.

7. Create accountability for progress toward your goal – Tell your plans to someone on your team and ask them to help you stay accountable. Give them periodic reports.

Bayer says, “Grow or go. Choose to grow and life will open up to you in ways you can’t yet imagine. Find the highest and best use for your life by getting in touch with the best version of yourself you can be. For now, and forever.”

And to sum things up for our final email, here are the main points from Matthew Kelly’s Perfectly Yourself – Discovering God’s Dream for You

1. Celebrate your progress
2. Just do the next right thing
3. Put Character First
4. Find what you love and do it
5. Live what you believe
6. Be disciplined
7. Simplify
8. Focus on what you are here to give
9. Patiently See the Good in Everyone and Everything

Thank you for being open to growth, four minutes at a time! May you have a wonderful Easter and continue to find ways to become the person God intended you to be.

Self-Assessment

We return today to Mike Bayer in his book, Best Self: Be You Only Better and our look at the different spheres where we can grow. We reviewed Social and Personal last week. Covering 5 areas this week, it may begin to feel like an examination of conscience, which isn’t a bad thing during this Lenten season. The goal is to discover areas where we should grow.

Health

Push your fear aside and don’t procrastinate any longer. If you have a health issue that you know you should address, start today! Take control away from your anti-self and be proactive as your Best Self. Never let a health issue linger!

Scan your body head to toe. How do you feel? What needs attention? What habits need to change? Are you resistant to change? Why might that be?

Does your diet need to change to be your best self? Your exercise commitment? Remember, it isn’t selfish to take care of yourself.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Health?

Education

Our goal is to become life-long learners!

What would you like or love to learn? Why aren’t you? Are the reasons valid? Commit to progress!

Keep learning about yourself!

What is working well about learning? What are behaviors that keep you from learning?

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Education?

Relationships

If both people operate out of their Best Selves, relationships will run relatively smoothly. However, you can only influence how you operate in a relationship.

Understanding your values or principles is key to healthy relationship decisions. What are the top 5-7 core values that you don’t want to sacrifice for others? Honesty? Responsibility? Authenticity? Did your family of origin share these values? How has that affected your self-image? Your feelings for your family?

Do the people in your current family or your intimate relationships share your core values? Or do they have values that line up or complement yours? What are you willing to accept and not accept in your relationship?

If you are a parent, this is perhaps the most important area to be working as your Best Self while helping children develop their Best Selves. Help them discover who they are, what they are interested in, and where their passions emerge. Encourage them to develop their gifts, a sense of gratitude, and the ability to tune out negativity. Listen well; focus on their conversation. Communicate clearly when they are open to hearing. Say no, when necessary, then stay firm while acknowledging their disappointment. Teach negotiation skills. Find what their currency is, what motivates them, and use it to encourage appropriate behavior. Reorder your family time to reflect your collective priorities. Don’t overcompensate for how you were raised.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Relationships?

Employment

Rather than what do you want to be, ask yourself, who do you want to be, as your authentic self.

“What would your Best Self love to do for work? […] would make you feel like you’re using your gifts, doing your art, in a way that is productive and rewarding? […] Allow your fears to melt away.”

What do you love about your current job? Can you do more of that? Are there changes in your lifestyle that could make your life better? A move closer to work? Working from home? Managing on less money?

“Does your job need to change, or does your approach to it need to change?”

If you do decide it is time for you to change jobs, have a plan so that you don’t jeopardize your finances while you look for the work you need. If you are out of work, spend as much time looking for work as you would at the job each day. Spend time learning about the companies you consider before the interview. Work odd jobs or freelance until the right work is found.

“Grow or go!” Be “in sponge mode” always learning and evolving.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Employment?

Spiritual Development Life

“Your spiritual self is the place within you from which all goodness and light radiates outward. It is where you form your integrity, values, and how you treat other people.”

According to Dallas Willard, “Spiritual people are not those who engage in certain spiritual practices; they are those who draw their life from a conversational relationship with God.”

We need faith to face fears and have the courage to make changes.

Cultivate spirituality by being intentional about your faith, by fanning the flames of your spirit with reading, by seeking quiet within yourself to make room for the spiritual, being aware of signs and opportunities, giving credit to the spiritual when things improve, sharing your spiritual journey with others and listening to theirs, finding joy and encouraging it, and giving generously to others of your time and your possessions.

Consider writing a spiritual mission statement for yourself, then reading it frequently.

What do you need to continue, stop, and start doing to enhance your Best Self in the area of Spirituality?

We’ve now considered 7 spheres of our lives and perhaps you’ve found, like I did, that some areas need work. Next week we will plan a course of action to tackle bringing about changes that will enhance our lives. And I bet you thought the hard work of Lent was almost over!

May you begin a new phase of growth in your life!