I’m in a New Stage, now what? Where do I go from here?

Barbara Lee recommends we pray to discern our path and is fond of St. Ignatian spirituality. She recommends his Examen as a way to look back at a day, or any period of time, to enhance our prayer about decision making:

In the book, God Isn’t Finished with Me Yet: Discovering the Spiritual Graces of Later Life, author Barbara Lee looks at ways to figure out what our next path should be when our nest is empty, or we’ve retired from work, or are simply feeling there must be more for us still to do. She wrote the book at 80, after she had retired from her career as a lawyer and judge in order to volunteer to help immigrants learn English. She came to this stage in her life after much discernment of Spirit and offers suggestions to those seekers like herself.

1. Focus on the presence of God, then give thanks.
2. Ask for the light of the Spirit, to be aware of all the ways God is at work our lives.
3. Review the day (or period of time), looking not only for our sins and failings but also for where we have heard the promptings of the Spirit and how we have responded.
4. Ask pardon for the ways in which we have failed to respond to grace.
5. Finally, ask for the grace not merely to amend our faults but also to look forward to the future with hope. Say the Lord’s Prayer.

Decisions can be categorized as “Whether” decisions or “How” decisions. The Whether decisions – like whether to retire, downsize, or move, require that we:

1. Define the question.
2. Strive to be as detached as possible without assuming the result we prefer.
3. Ask God to move our will toward what pleases Him and makes us a better Christian.
4. List and rationally consider the advantages and disadvantages. Decide based on what seems most reasonable.
5. Bring the decision to prayer and ask God “to receive and confirm it.”

The How decisions—like how to treat an illness, care for an invalid, respond to diminished capacity, deal with our adult children, spend free time, or approach a spiritual journey as its length diminishes—can be addressed by praying with scripture (looking for words that resonate in your soul, or imagining yourself in the biblical scene to sense impressions invoked by the scene.)

With either type of decision making, we should watch for signs of spiritual desolation. Does the decision cause us anxiety, fear, and reluctance to pray? It is important, instead, to make decisions that bring us spiritual consolation, imparting peace, joy, hope, faith, and loving charity. If decision making does not come easily, she recommends keeping a spiritual journal or finding a good spiritual director.

On downsizing, the author recommends St. Ignatius’ advice on property: we should “desire to keep it or dispose of it solely according to what God our Lord will move [our] will to choose,” and we should not “desire or feel . . . strongly attached to have wealth rather than poverty.” Lee says, “We may not all have the grace to embrace the Ignatian ideal of a genuine preference for poverty, but we may still find greater clarity in distinguishing what we really need for a well-balanced life.” She also reminds us to provide for the poor and do other good works to focus on social justice and service. Lee would like us to consider the diminishment of ability as we age to be a type of poverty and a time in our lives when we can “acknowledge our total dependence on God.”

She recommends we undertake a ministry of prayer. She quotes Fr. Thomas Clarke, SJ:

If intercession, then, is the name of the game, I believe that the group best fitted to lead it is the world’s elders. We qualify for the role not through our wisdom or even through our prophetic gifts, if we have them, but through our special brand of poverty. In generational terms, it is we who are the anawim—the poor—through whom God works wonders. However reduced in physical, mental, emotional powers, and whether we are still “active” or “retired,” we can model for all that intercessory offering of “prayers, works, joys and sufferings” through which the world is graced.

The author recommends, as a kindness to our families, preplanning for our future, including choosing a health-care proxy and signing a “living will” for medical decisions, arranging for our funeral and burial, and estate planning. But also, we should leave a spiritual legacy. Consider writing about your spiritual journey or telling your faith stories to family and friends.

Finally, we need to see death as a transition to eternal life. “Instead of looking back toward what has been lost or given up, we can ask for the grace to look forward with hope to life eternal, remembering the promise of Jesus: ‘I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.’” (John 16:22)

Lee commends the Suscipe prayer:

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and all my will—all that I have and possess. You, Lord have given all that to me. I now give it back to you, O Lord. All of it is yours. Dispose of it according to your will. Give me your love and your grace, for that is enough for me.

May God bless your week.

Betty Arrigotti