I find myself in that confusing position of agreeing with you, as well as Beth Moore, completely. I must take some of the responsibility for any misunderstanding. Beth refers to the precipitators of insecurity as roots. I called them causes, without really thinking of that word in its “causal” sense.

You are right, Larry, that experiences result in different reactions for different people. One child who has been raised with shame might grow up determined to prove the ones who humiliated him wrong. Others might be so downtrodden that they believe the accusers and accept that they are damaged goods, unable to make a contribution to the world. One has been able to build a sense of security; the others are floundering in insecurity.

What makes the difference for the first? Perhaps an innate resilience. Perhaps the child had a hero in his life (Scout master?) who counteracted what was taught at home. Perhaps along the way counseling or faith or inspiration brought about healing.

Again, you are absolutely right that feelings are neither good nor bad, but how we react to those feelings, how we act upon them, whether we nurture the negative or counterbalance them with positive, our actions are what should be judged. Our actions and our thoughts. For I believe much healing of feelings can come from redirecting our thoughts. For instance, if my husband comes home in a bad mood (which is rare, actually) I might feel instant frustration and react with impatience. Or, if I take time to think after I feel the frustration, I might ask him to tell me about his day so that I can understand his mood and trade my reactive feeling of frustration for a chosen feeling of compassion. Then my chosen action is more likely to be a hug than a retort.

I think Moore is attempting to help both the insecure individual and the society at large to analyze and correct their interpretation (or their attitude). I loved your wording of the victim/tragedy and the hero/triumph.

If more of us could compare our current situation to your friends’ experience we’d readily agree, “I have not heard a bullet for at least 10 minutes; therefore, this is NOT a crisis.” That would certainly put our fears in perspective.

You give us a good segue into the next blog, where I enumerate Beth Moore’s steps people can take, once they have learned something about when and how their insecurity began.

Moore is pointing out that people who feel chronically insecure can overcome their past experiences, and with various steps, such as centering their trust on God, or learning to stop comparing themselves with others, reclaim a sense of security.

God gave us each of our emotional responses for a purpose; Right or Wrong attaches to them only within the context of the object on which they are focused and the form in which they are expressed. Insecurity, as an objective emotional state, is no different than any other emotion in this regard. There are times, most certainly, when “feeling insecure” is inappropriate; there are times when “feeling insecure” is not only appropriate; but, vital to one’s “social survival” and, perhaps, to one’s physical survival as well.

The problem that far too many people face today is their emotions becoming attached to incorrect objects and/or being expressed incorrectly. The issues surrounding Insecurity are a part of this more general phenomenon. I believe Ms. Moore’s “laundry list” of “roots” for Insecurity is, at heart, misleading. Certainly, the situations mentioned can “set the stage” or “provide context” for developing Insecurity; conversely, they can also provide the emotional underpinnings for some of the most secure people you’ll ever meet.

I can name dozens of other situations, some that most people would consider “positive,” that often lead to widely disparate outcomes for different people. The differences in outcome are not caused solely (or even primarily) by the original situation; rather, they are based, in large part, on the “interpretation” brought to bear by the individual. This interpretation is in turn influenced greatly by what others surrounding the person, and increasingly society at large, expect from the victim of a particular tragedy. That last point is key; let me say it again: this interpretation is in turn influenced greatly by what others surrounding the person, and increasingly society at large, expect from the hero of a particular triumph.

Did you catch that? Of course you did. I only changed two (2) words, but the picture of the person’s role in the unspecified events changed 180 degrees!

I worked for a number of years with a fellow who was known for saying, any time disaster struck, “Wonderful! We have an opportunity to excel!” I happened to be present one time when another co-worker asked him, shortly after $1,500,000 worth of equipment had unexpectedly emitted smoke from an ‘unapproved’ orifice, “You are always so ‘cool’ in the face of a crisis, how do you do it?” His response was, “Well, I spent three combat tours in Vietnam. Lots of the time, bullets were thicker than mosquitoes. I have not heard a bullet for at least 10 minutes; therefore, this is NOT a crisis.” Both the people in this conversation were experiencing the same situation — albeit from different perspectives and with different expectations. One was Insecure; one was not.

I work with Boy Scouts all the time. They come in as Boys and, I like to think, more than a few of them leave as Men. We have a lot of Scouts in our Troop who are “disadvantaged” and for the first year or so, the Friendly Neighborhood Scoutmaster has to listen to reasons (coming mostly from the Parents; but, often echoed by the kids themselves) as to why *this* Scout can’t succeed at a particular activity. (“It’s too hard…” “He’s never been coordinated…” “He’s been unwilling to do stuff since his Dad left us…” “He has Aspergers…” “He has FAS…” “He’s too fat…” “He’s too thin…” “He gets cold easily…” “He catches cold easily…”)

I spend most of my time repeatedly turning the focus from “Why we can’t” to “How we can”! Do some of these young men face extraordinary challenges? You bet! Can they overcome them? It depends, in large part, on what the people surrounding them “expect.” In the 18 Eagles who have come from our troop since 1998, not one has been without some sort of “special” challenge. In fact, by and large, the more challenged the individual Scout, the more likely they were to succeed — if the expectations (particularly at home) were correct.

So, I am afraid, I don’t see Ms. Moore’s Laundry List as “causes” of Insecurity. Sure, they can turn into that; sure, most of them are unpleasant to experience; sure, some of them, particularly those involving abuse, are Evil; but, that doesn’t mean Evil has to come
from them.

Think of ingredients placed in a baking pan… Most recipes start out by “breaking some eggs” — not, by itself, a “good” thing — then you pour in all sorts of stuff that would make a big mess if simply dumped on the floor. Yet, the proportions, the mixing, the oven temperature, the baking time — these “contextual interpretations” are all at least as important as the actual ingredients when it comes to determining whether you get cake, brownies, cookies, or charcoal (or Insecurity or Joy) out the other side.

So, when you get home from the store and your egg carton has six cracked eggs in it, do you see disaster; or, do you pre-heat the oven and start baking because you an “opportunity to excel”?