4 Minutes 4 Marriage – Choose Life!

You persevered to the last 4 Minutes 4 Marriage entry of 2007! Thank you!

 In the spirit of Good Friday, when Christians commemorate Jesus’ suffering on the cross, let’s consider how we can reduce suffering in the world, beginning with the person we love the most.

An examination of conscience-

At times in a relationship we may feel justified:

1.     In considering revenge (If he can do it so can I.)

2.     Playing the victim/Nursing wounds (Poor me, no one else suffers like I do. I’ll never get over the time…)

3.     Holding on to bitterness and anger (What she said/did is unforgivable.)

4.     Shutting down (The silent treatment)

5.     Not listening with undivided attention (I don’t have time.)

6.     Attacking (The best defense is a good offense.)

7.     Turning our backs on our spouse.

8.     Focusing solely on our own desires.

9.     Using our spouse’s strengths as an excuse to ignore our weaknesses.

10. Losing hope (Why try? Maybe it’s time to move on.)

As Doctor Phil McGraw says, “Would you rather be right or happy?” Marriage isn’t a win/lose situation. It isn’t possible for one of us to win and the other lose, because then the marriage loses, so we both lose. It’s much better for us to set aside our need to win and find a way for both to feel good because then the marriage wins and both parties profit.

Let’s always give each other the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he had good intentions. Maybe she didn’t mean to hurt me. Maybe he wants this marriage to be strong as much as I do; he just doesn’t know how to help it.


Alternatives for Enhancement:

For the sake of our marriage, let’s choose life!

1.     Accept that no one is perfect; we all need a second chance; we all want to be loved just the way we are.

2.     Play the hero, stand up for what we know is right and good and true, for the sake of our beloved. Forgive. Let go. Move on lovingly.

3.     At all times, treat our loved one with respect.

4.     Open up. We need to talk in order to repair damage, in order to grow from our mistakes.

5.     Our undivided attention is one of the greatest gifts we can give.

6.     See the other’s anger as a cry of fear – fear of being alone, unloved, or rejected.

7.     Turn our hearts, though wounded, back toward our beloved.

8.     Focus on regarding our spouse’s needs as important as our own, and their wishes more rewarding to fulfill than our own.

9.     Learn from our spouses’ strengths. Value their strengths enough to emulate them.

10. Believe in the endurance of love. Trust that, together with God-Who-Is-Love, we can make life better for each other.

I’ve written this entry to be only a 2 minute read.

For the next two minutes, write down reasons you love your spouse. Then give the list to your beloved, perhaps in an Easter basket, or inserted in a card, hidden under the pillow, or taped to the bathroom mirror. These might prove to be the most meaningful two minutes you’ve devoted to your marriage this Lent.

Thank you for focusing on your marriage for the past seven weeks. As our marriage strengthens, so does our family. As our families are enriched, so is our society.

I will keep your marriage in my prayers in a special way this Easter season.

 Betty Arrigotti

I continue to love you because…………

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